BREAKING: New Vick Allegations!

Breaking today on Fox News is this story that details a South Carolina man suing Michael Vick over issues relating to illegal dogfighting.  The suit was filed in US District court on July 23rd, and plaintiff is asking for $63 Billion!

I swear I'm not making this up.  Jonathan Lee Riches, an inmate in Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina, has filed the funniest, most insane lawsuit I've seen this year. He alleges that Vick stole several of his pitbulls, sold them on ebay, and (wait for it).....used the money to buy missles "from the Iran Government." So naturally, he's suing Vick for "$63 Billion backed by gold and silver delivered via UPS" to the gates of his prision. Actually, its written as 63,000,000,000.00 Billion dollars, which I guess is 63 billion billion.

BUT WAIT!! Theres more! (I had to type this in, rather than copy/ paste, because the suit was handwritten!)

The suit alleges that Vick:

"Pledged alliegence to Al-qaeda"
"Subjected [Riches] to microwave testing"
"Used drugs in school zones"
and is "in the business of illegal steroids."

The actual, handwritten, bat-shit insane complaint is available online here. It is a must read.

Riches closes by asking that Vick

has to stop Physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes.

I don't mean to make light of the serious problem that is mental illness, but I haven't laughed this hard in a while.  If Romney finds out that Vick has been buying missles from Iran (with money from stolen pitbulls sold on ebay!), he's liable to send Vick to Double Guantanamo!

I will update as I receive more information about Vick's microwave testing.

•  Tip Jar?

  Where would we be without the internets!

  by IntertubeGuy on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 08:49:11 PM PDT

  •  Hehe

    This guy has a history of insane lawsuits.  My boss was told me about a previous case of his, the list of defendants included everyone from Queen Elizabeth to the "Geneva Convention" to Scooter Libby and about 300 others that I can't recall.

    by skymutt on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:02:43 PM PDT

•  What if he's right?

  Mmmmmm?

  Ever think of that?

  by Rex Manning on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 08:54:58 PM PDT

  •  can't be. no animals on ebay

    verboten.

    by abbeysbooks on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 08:56:10 PM PDT

    •  Could have used a code...

      ...like "Tooth biter" or "Scrappy Doo" or whatever is understood in the dogfighting underground as slang for "trained pitbull fighting dog."

      I'm witholding judgement for now.

      by Rex Manning on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 08:59:42 PM PDT

      •  scrappy doo lol n/t

        by heineken1717 on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:05:36 PM PDT

      •  No animals are allowed to be sold on ebay

        by abbeysbooks on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 09:34:45 AM PDT

•  lol @

  physically hurting someone else's feelings.

  by CC Music Factory on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 08:57:24 PM PDT

  •  Yeah that killed me too.

    n/t

    by IntertubeGuy on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:45:38 PM PDT

•  Only Fox

  Why even bother making it look even having a chance to win?  Only Fox.  

  by statsone on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 08:57:43 PM PDT

•  Haha at first I refused to believe the link

  I thought for sure it was like foxnws.com or foxnuws.com. Wow.

  by heineken1717 on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 08:57:44 PM PDT

•  I refuse to click on the Faux News link...

  but does Faux News actually give all of the details?  I have heard they have been piling shit on Vick because he plays for the Falcons (Blue City in a red state).

  Just to be clear the dog fighting thing is reprehensible if true.

  To be even more clearererer I hate to make light of people with mental illness, but that is one funny story.

  by bunk on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 08:59:29 PM PDT

  •  dog fighting may be bad

    but it's BS that he may get suspended for a year when Ray Lewis was involved in the murder of a human and got nothing. crazy that everyone is up in arms about vick when no one cared about Lewis.

    And what about Naje Davenport? took a dump in a girl's laundry basket lol

    by heineken1717 on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:04:56 PM PDT

    •  Lewis should've been banned for life.

      Vick for 10 years.  That's how it shoulda gone down.  Either way, asshole thug culture has got to go.

      by burrow owl on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:19:24 PM PDT

•  Those must have been some...

  bad ass pit bulls!!!

  by bunk on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:02:21 PM PDT

•  I really think that paying attention to this

  idiocy is wrong.

  This makes Michael Vick and his brutality a laughing matter. And he is no laughing matter.

  Sorry. I fail to have any humor when it comes to sheer and utter evil.

  by Crazy like a fox on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:05:46 PM PDT

  •  For a moment there

    I thought you meant Fox News idiocy.

    by suzq on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:09:49 PM PDT

  •  Microwave testing is no laughing matter.

    Seriously though, I appreciate your point, but this is ridiculous.  I'll bet you are able to laugh when Jon Stewart makes jokes about Bush fucking up Iraq, even though hundreds of thousands of people have died there.  Sometimes levity is a good thing.

    by IntertubeGuy on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:45:18 PM PDT

•  Ain't it a shame...

  I guess a potential tropical storm making landfall in watersogged Texas, Bush's vacation, suicide bombers in Iraq, propping up General Petreas, and yet another news story denying global warming just isn't as interesting as reporting on some mental case suing Michael Vick.

  What? Have they run out of liberals to mock that they now must pick on beleaguered football players?

  by suzq on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:08:39 PM PDT

  •  There are a zillion diaries YOU could write!

    I would read them.

    by ormondotvos on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 12:07:34 AM PDT

•  this is awesome. n/t

  by s choir on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:26:39 PM PDT

•  Greeny had a great point about this m.

  Vick has pissed off PETA, much like Imas  pissed of Sharpton and Co.  He riled up an energy that will never go away.

  That monkey will never be off his back no matter what happens in court.

  Vick is done.  Stick the perverbial fork in him.

  by sylvien on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:28:47 PM PDT

  •  But what clout does PETA have

    in football?

    by Prince Georges for Obama on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 02:35:15 AM PDT

  •  Did they charge him with illegally transporting

    said monkey?

    by Trim Your Bush on Mon Aug 20, 2007 at 02:01:20 PM PDT

•  Oh Those Iranians

  On April 28th, MR. VICK sold my dogs on Ebay Auction, and used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran Government.

  Why didn't anyone think of doing this before?

  Also - I love that Taglichkos. Means we no longer have to worry about how to pronounce "Kos", and can instead worry about how to pronounce "Taglich"

  by Scipio on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:33:34 PM PDT

•  Skylab lawsuit

  Back when I lived in Louisiana an inmate at the state penitentiary at Angola filed a lawsuit at the time that the abandoned Skylab space station was due to fall back to Earth and burn up in the atmosphere.

  The inmate claimed that because he was incarcerated he would be unable to escape if Skylab fell on the prison.

  by quaoar on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:34:01 PM PDT

  •  I bet that filing crazy lawsuits

    is about the only way that prisoners can get the world to acknowledge them.  It's an interesting (and depressing) situation to be isolated and ignored by the world.

    by IntertubeGuy on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:47:33 PM PDT

    •  They prrrrobably shoulda thought about that

      before committing their respective crimes.  The point, IMHO, is for them to be nothings.  The punishment is as much existential as physical, and that's as it should be.

      by burrow owl on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:02:22 PM PDT

      •  Ditto n/t

        by Prince Georges for Obama on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 02:35:46 AM PDT

      •  Yeah, I wasn't lamenting their plight.

        I was just noting what a pathetic existence.  (I DO think that prisoners rights and prison conditions are a serious issues, but not because they are lonely and ignored)

        by IntertubeGuy on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 05:16:33 AM PDT

•  The worst part is...

  ...I'll bet BushCo directs the Justice Department to pursue this. Vick might end up in Gitmo before he ever plays football again.

  by wiscmass on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:35:43 PM PDT

  •  They are very serious allegations

    n/t

    by IntertubeGuy on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:43:21 PM PDT

•  63 billion backed by gold?

  It wasn't Cindy Sheehan or Ron Paul filing the lawsuit, right?

  by burrow owl on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:00:41 PM PDT