War is Hell. Hell is War.

War is Hell.

And sometimes war is such Hell, that it makes suicide seem like the best option.

Yeah I know: you're ready to stop reading this now. I don't blame you, but if I promise to make it not too gruesome, will you please read along?

UPDATE: Please also see a Related Diary by testvet6778. Thanks.

(Also available (with pictures) at NION)

It goes without saying that suicide is a desperate answer no matter what the question is.

Most people would never consider suicide. It takes either a set of hellish circumstances, or it takes a deteriorating level of mental health or well-being to even consider such an option.

Unfortunately, war often provides these kinds of circumstances.

When our leaders talk of duty, of service, of patriotism and of devotion to country - their intention is to recognize the sacrifice that many individuals make. In a broad sense, it does. But it can never come close to touching upon the personal Hell that many people go thorugh due to acts of war.

Because I think we need to know just what the stakes are when we wage war, and because I believe we cannot ignore the consequences of war, I want to briefly share 3 stories with you.

"Army suicides highest in 26 years"

WASHINGTON - Army soldiers committed suicide last year at the highest rate in 26 years, and more than a quarter did so while serving in Iraq and Afghanistan, according to a new military report.
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The report, obtained by The Associated Press ahead of its scheduled release Thursday, found there were 99 confirmed suicides among active duty soldiers during 2006

Sometimes, the reasons look someting that could happen to anyone:

Failed personal relationships, legal and financial problems and the stress of their jobs were factors motivating the soldiers to commit suicide, according to the report.

But other times, we can see that the decisions made on how long we deploy troops can contribute directly to more despondancy and suicide:

"In addition, there was a significant relationship between suicide attempts and number of days deployed" in Iraq, Afghanistan or nearby countries where troops are participating in the war effort, it said. The same pattern seemed to hold true for those who not only attempted, but succeeded in killing themselves.

And sometimes it's not only soldiers that are affected:

At 6:30 a.m. on Nov. 3 — four days before an election caused a seismic shift in Washington politics — [Malachi] Ritscher, a frequent anti-war protester, stood by an off-ramp in downtown Chicago near a statue of a giant flame, set up a video camera, doused himself with gasoline and lit himself on fire.

Ritscher poignantly penned his reasons:

On his Web site, the 52-year-old experimental musician who'd fought with depression even penned his obituary.
...
"Here is the statement I want to make: if I am required to pay for your barbaric war, I choose not to live in your world. I refuse to finance the mass murder of innocent civilians, who did nothing to threaten our country," he wrote in his suicide note. "... If one death can atone for anything, in any small way, to say to the world: I apologize for what we have done to you, I am ashamed for the mayhem and turmoil caused by my country."

The third story I want to tell you, is about those who are left behind after a loved one has been killed.

In a diary last winter, srkp23 introduced us to Fatima Omar Mahmud al-Najar, a mother of nine children and grandmother of more than 40, who tragically took her own life. While not related directly to the war in Iraq, it is still worthy of our consideration.

Two Grandmothers Gone by srkp23:

Why would she do it? The article ends with this paragraph:

In the first suicide bombing claimed by Hamas in nearly two years, a grandmother blew herself up on Thursday near Israeli soldiers operating inside Gaza, near the town of Beit Lahiya.
...

Explaining the suicide bomber’s action, Fathiya al-Najar, her oldest daughter, said that her son had been killed by Israelis, that her mother’s house had been destroyed, and that another grandson was in a wheelchair with an amputated leg. "She and I went to the mosque," she told reporters. "We were looking for martyrdom."

And it makes me wonder why. As srkp23 puts it:

I'm not writing this diary to comment specifically on the impossible nightmare of violence that proliferates in Israel and Palestine. I'm trying to understand why this matriarch would sacrifice herself and voluntarily give up watching her grandchildren grow. Her daughter's explanation hints that she wanted revenge. But I wonder if this grandmother (and so many others around the globe) are traumatized by what they have seen, lived and suffered. I wonder if her suicide wasn't an expression of a wrathful mourning, the painful, violent lashing-out of a traumatized subject.

The purpose of this diary is not to totally depress you, even though I recognize how depressing it is.

The purpose of this diary, is to remind us all of the real and serious consequences of war.

The purpose of this diary is to remind us that no amount of oil is worth the tradegy of war.

The purpose of this diary is to remind us that no short term political gain is worth the tragedy of war.

The purpose of this diary is to humbly ask you to re-double your efforts at bringing this war to an end quickly. Because we don't have the time to spare.

:: ::

September 21 Tactics: Boycott Gas? Slow Down? Or...? by lao hong han  
Please Help, Iraq Moratorium Day - Sept 21st, 2007 poichick

What are your plans? 21 September 2007 OnePissedOffLiberal
What Will You Be Doing September 21? Meteor Blades
Ask A Kossak, W/Free Answers! The Iraq Moratorium by buhdydharma

•  I know it's hard to comment on diaries like this.

  Don't worry. I understand.

  But if you're doing someting to help end the war, and want to comment please do.

  Otherwise, please rec, or just leave a short comment, if you can.

  Thanks so much.

  by BentLiberal on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:08:30 PM PDT

  •  Well done.

    It's a difficult subject, but you did it well.

    by MsWings on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 03:11:23 AM PDT

    •  Thank you very much

      Kind words always accepted!

      by BentLiberal on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 09:59:15 PM PDT

•  I'm posting a new piece in the morning...

  ...about the war, entitled George's War. Look for it, BentLiberal, if you please. You will enjoy it, well, at least as much as anyone can read a piece about war.

  In the meantime, "enjoy" the following letter to the editor I wrote and submitted yesterday to the three largest papers here in Oregon:

  Sixty-one and one-half hours. A wearisome span, when one considers the difficulty of staying awake so long. Almost thirty-seven hundred minutes.

  Now consider pausing for a moment of silence, a minute in traditional length, one for each fallen American soldier, a traditional honor, a gesture of respect. Not much to ask, given the sacrifice of each young man and woman, given how many minutes they’ve given up of their future to the cause of this war of folly.

  Sixty-one and one-half hours. Almost thirty-seven hundred consecutive minutes of silence, needed to commemorate the American dead. And how many more hours were we to commemorate the Iraqi dead? Ten-thousand, perhaps more.

  So many lives so terribly wasted, so many more to follow. Bring ‘em home.

  I know it's not much, throwing words at the war, but it's what I can do right now. Thanks for your eloquent words tonight, BL. The news of the increase in Army suicides is yet another tragedy to pile on the heap of tragedies this nightmare war has become.

  by StrangeAnimals on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:16:23 PM PDT

  •  Thanks for the LTE and upcoming diary, S.A.!

    I'll look for your diary!

    by BentLiberal on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:17:37 PM PDT

•  There is a finality to suicide.

  Not so with head trauma and PTSD.  These people and their families/loved ones have to deal with both the grief and the problems.  What a mess we have made and what trauma we have inflicted on our young people.

  by bloomer 101 on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:18:19 PM PDT

•  Tough diary, BL. Grave and sober.

  But we can't turn away. I'm moved that you mentioned one of my diaries of yore. Thanks. Peace.

  by srkp23 on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:19:08 PM PDT

  •  I always remembered that diary you did

    I know it was a personally significant diary for you, and I'm really honored to use it here.

    I always wondered about that poor woman, and what it took to finally cause her to make such a fateful decision.

    99 moments out of 100 we have to steel ourselve against the reality of war, or we'll go insane.

    But we have to remember to work to end it too.

    by BentLiberal on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:24:33 PM PDT

    •  Profoundly accurate, BL

      99 moments out of 100 we have to steel ourselve against the reality of war, or we'll go insane.

      by Cronesense on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:34:45 PM PDT

•  Mental health problems in general...

  are still taboo enough in our society that it is hard for most people to talk about them, let alone consider them as part of a cost benefit analysis. The cost American to society of the mental health problems caused by all our wars is staggering. But I feel confident in guessing that in the countries where the wars are actually happening, war induced mental health problems are not an insignificant problem, even in the context of all the other dangers of a war zone.

  But the kind of people who decide to start wars are not the type who spend time worrying about the mental health of foreigners, or, presumably, our own troops.

  by Dan Quixote on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:21:10 PM PDT

  •  Very True

    But the kind of people who decide to start wars are not the type who spend time worrying about the mental health of foreigners, or, presumably, our own troops.

    Sadly their chief concern is profit and personal gain.

    by BentLiberal on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:25:35 PM PDT

  •  asdf

    But the kind of people who decide to start wars are not the type who spend time worrying about the mental health of foreigners, or, presumably, our own troops.

    Has Bush attended a single soldier's funeral? Why doesn't the press ask him?

    Can you imagine the havoc we've wreaked upon the people of Iraq? Man, depressing.

    As for psychological problems being taboo, at least there are treatments available these days, and the taboo is sloooooowly declining.

    by DrReason on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 09:40:42 PM PDT

•  I may be wrong on this

  since I'm a little young, but I think a real shift in this country took place during the first Gulf War: the first cable news network war.  For the first time, people could tune in at any hour and enjoy vicarious thrills from reporters in the Middle East, but then turn it off when they got bored and wanted to watch something else.  

  I'm sure we've always had problems with people not quite grasping the magnitude of war (I'm sure I'm one of them), but that's when it turned into entertainment that could be accessed or denied as you wanted.  I read somewhere that there will be a vigil in Ann Arbor on the 21st.  I'll be there.

  by pico on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:21:48 PM PDT

  •  It's also simply impossible to continually face

    the reality of war, because it's too damn depressing.

    We have to mostly steel ourselves against it, but do what we can to end it.

    Thanks for commenting.

    by BentLiberal on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:27:42 PM PDT

  •  There was actually far more realistic

    news coverage during vietnam. I was a kid at the time and still have vivid memories of some of the footage that was shown. No matter how the reporter said we were winning nothing could change the footage. Every night teh caskets coming home, the footage rom the battlefield, injuries and bodies were allowed back then. The screams as these young uys were being medivaced out. Very different coverage, it canged a lot of views about the war. which is why we don't see anything that is even close to reality now.

    by Tanya on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:23:20 PM PDT

    •  This is a real good point.

      I did a diary once where I compared a CNN news video and a Reuters news video.

      Looking at both, it's easy to see the difference and the slant. Even the amount of blood shown.

      But the main thing was the rah-rah cheerleading theme of the CNN video.

      Let me go hunt for the link....

      Here it is: (and here's the diary)

      Finally, here's the kind of reporting that you never see on American Television, (though you can read SusanG's story on it). But check out this Video from Reuters:

      
      Click on this Reuters link.

      The shock value is mildly to medium upsetting and it's mildly graphic. But what strikes me the most is the contrast from watching U.S. news reports on Iraq. Much of the noise and pro-U.S. subtlty is absent especially in the footage shown. This is an example of the kind of news reporting that everyone in the world sees, except for the American people who are paying for this war.

      
      Now compare it to this news reel from CNN (or any U.S. broadcast): you'll be amazed at the difference in tone and content.

      
      ***

      by BentLiberal on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 10:12:32 PM PDT

•  Thank you, BentLiberal

  Thank you for the reminders, which we must keep constantly before us, lest we become complacent in the fight to end the occupation of Iraq.

  Truth might be depressing, but it's still truth, and it's necessary.

  by Ekaterin on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:29:37 PM PDT

•  as a veteran with PTSD the talk of suicide

  is a real life issue, I have been hospitalized twice for attempting it, I couldn't even do that right...the  therapy has helped, but the depression is now a "normal" part of my life, whatever normal is, what bothers me the most is the fact that DOD or the VA fail to recognize these deaths from suicide as was related  despite the fact if they hadb't gone to war, the suicide very likely wouldn't have happened    PTSD is not something anyone "wants"  most of us with PTSD would be hapier if we had lost a limb, have a nicew bullet scare, something  anything to show our injuries

  mental health injuries are invisible   therefore all of the vets with PTSD must be faking it....

  by testvet6778 on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:30:21 PM PDT

  •  very telling

    I think it's because they don't want to admit how bad war really is and what it actually does to people's psyche's.  So just easier not to admit it's war-related, as you point out.

    Of course we know that's fucking bullshit.

    For us here on dkos, it's depressing to read a diary like this. But as you point out, there's some people who have no choice but to face the reality and brutality of war, whether in real time or in re-living it.

    For them and everyone else, we must stop these unnecessary wars.

    Thanks alot for commenting. It heartened me.

    by BentLiberal on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:38:54 PM PDT

    •  as you can see your diary made me look

      deep and try to put my life into context in my own diary on this subject today   thank you  SALUTE

      by testvet6778 on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 02:10:12 AM PDT

      •  Yes I saw that nice job.

        And congratulations on being rescued in tonigt's Diary Rescue thread.

        by BentLiberal on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 10:13:47 PM PDT

•  There is a such thing as a just war

  But this isn't it.

  I doubt that most people would deny that there are sometimes valid reasons to go to war.  World War II -- Pat Buchanan's apologist stance aside -- is the prime example.  Korea?  Probably, given the geopolitical realities of the time.  Vietnam?  I don't think so.

  Iraq falls into the Vietnam category.  Mr. President, if you want to make an argument that the United States has a moral responsibility to fight oppression around the world, then by all means do so.  I grew up reading comic books.  I know that "with great power comes great responsibility."  I might even be convinced, so long as that power was applied in an evenhanded way.  But don't you dare tell me that you're going to war to promote "democracy" when all you're really doing is making the world safe for the Saudi ruling elite.

  More on that in my next diary, tomorrow.

  by Jon Stafford on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:33:22 PM PDT

  •  WWII

    Not too long ago, I either read a story in the NYT or heard it on NPR, about Iraq War vets who just ruminate endlessly about the senseless deaths of their fellow soldiers. (I know what the inescapable rumination is. It's a nightmare, and I've never even come close to the trauma they've experienced.)

    The story also mentioned that GI's who came upon concentration camps has lower rates of PTSD, because finding and liberating the prisoners made them understand why they fought.

    In Iraq, the frontline is everywhere, so our soldiers are on edge 24/7.

    "with great power comes great responsibility."

    Haha. Now watch this drive. I'm the decider.

    That pathetic little puppet. You know what that asshole said to a woman whose husband was killed on 9/11, which was their anniversary? "You got the double whammy." Rumsfeld happened to sit next to her at a White House dinner, and at one point, he asked her what she thought about "all this" (the war). She answered, "you don't want to know", and he insisted, so she told him that she couldn't believe that he was using her husband's brutal death as a political tool. That was the end of the conversation. Those assholes live in a goddamn bubble.

    Looking forward to your diary.

    by DrReason on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 09:38:47 PM PDT

•  I understand and know more about......

  the subject of suicide then any mother would ever wish.  I see the impact of what this war is going to do to those in theatre for years to come.  The real numbers will never be known - here or there.  This war is tragic in epic proprtions and the dying is far from over for those living it, living with it and loving those in it.  All the little deaths of the soul this war is causing will add up to many more heartbroken families and stunned friends.

  I know I'm rambling here, BL, but I have worried about this since the beginning of this war because a taste of Gulf I was enough to help push my son to that action a couple of years later.  What is being asked of our soldiers in this war - to do - to endure - is heinous beyond all reason.

  by Cronesense on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:33:26 PM PDT

  •  You've brought tears to my eyes...

    ...with this comment, Cronesense, both for your loss and pain, and for the weight and eloquence of your words that resulted. Thank you.

    by StrangeAnimals on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:37:32 PM PDT

  •  I remembert that fact.

    And I'm so saddened by it.

    And also by the way, as testvet points out above, that they won't even admit that those kinds of suicides are war-related, when we know very well that they are.

    The price to people, families and loved ones is never calculated in these wars of choice, because if it was, there would be alot less of them.

    by BentLiberal on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:42:44 PM PDT

    •  .....

      The price to people, families and loved ones is never calculated in these wars of choice, because if it was, there would be alot less of them.

      I wish there was some way to get that point across so it was etched in stone and on the hearts of our leaders.

      by Cronesense on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:48:32 PM PDT

  •  (((((((((((((((((Cronsense)))))))))))))))))))))))

    I am so, so very sorry for your loss, and for all your son had to endure.

       Hugs,
       Heather

    by Chacounne on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:06:54 PM PDT

•  The concequences of a war can linger

     My best friend in the world was a Vietnam Vet. He was a great guy and we were like bothers. From time to time  when we were sitting around talking he would tell me about what happened to him in the War. I never asked him to, I think it was just something he had to get out. I could tell he was having trouble dealing with what he was carrying inside because of what had happened and I encouraged him to get help. But he never would, mainly I think because he didn't trust the VA to actually help him.

     At any rate about 6 years ago Jim was on his way to work. He had his headphones on and he was listening to music (he always loved music, especially the blues). He was walking on the railroad tracks and a train came up behind him. People were yealing at him to get off the track. But either he couldn't hear them or he simply decided that he had had enough. The result was I had to bury the best friend I ever had and possibly will ever have except for my wife. The question still lingers in the back of my mind. Was it a war that had happened thirty years ago that killed him or was it truely just an accident?

  by Wes Opinion on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:43:26 PM PDT

  •  thanks for sharing that story Wes

    that question would linger in my mind too.

    if more help was available, without recourse and without shame to the person needing it, then your question would be one that we wouldn't have to answer as often.

    thanks again

    by BentLiberal on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 09:45:37 PM PDT

    •  Actually the reason I'm sharing the story

      is a little selfish. First off after 6 years the loss still hurts and I'm trying to share that with others in order to make myself feel better.

         But most importantly I want my friend to be remembered. When he died he had no family left. So it was up to me to claim the body and fufill his requests for burial. We spread his ashes on the top of a mountain.

         He may not have been perfect, but dammit he was my brother in spirit if not in blood and he deserves to be remebered.

      by Wes Opinion on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:03:26 PM PDT

      •  As llbear says :

        His life mattered.

          Hugs,
          Heather

        by Chacounne on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:10:55 PM PDT

      •  What was the mountain?

        I'd like to look it up on the satellite pictures on Google Maps, not for fun but to honor your friend. Maybe I've been by there, or maybe I'll go by there one day.

        Not the same kind of story, but we spread my old roommate's ashes here, at the base of the two trees at the bottom end. I went with his mom and obliged her with a silent prayer even though I'm not religious. He was diagnosed with a brain tumor in his late 20's while he was a med student (hence the locale). He managed to get his degree with some leniency, but it was a long, steady decline. Silent seizures, gradual difficulties with speech, and finally a hospice.

        after 6 years the loss still hurts

        I'll bet. Not just his death and the void he left but the questions, THE question. I've heard of a number of quasi-suicides like that, with the same detail with the headphones (so as not to hear the train coming).

        The question still lingers in the back of my mind. Was it a war that had happened thirty years ago that killed him or was it truely just an accident?

        I'm just shaking my head in disbelief, anger and bitterness. Those other-priorities, five-deferments assholes, sending young men and women to get killed and wounded for their games. You don't want to hear the torrent of insults that's running through my head.

        Peace, brother.

        by DrReason on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 09:26:54 PM PDT

        •  It was Larch Mt. in Oregon

          by Wes Opinion on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 09:32:11 PM PDT

  •  (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Wes Opinion)))))))

    I am so sorry for your loss, and so sorry for all your friend had to endure.

      Hugs,
      Heather, a vet's widow

    by Chacounne on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:09:29 PM PDT

    •  Thanks Chacounne

      for stopping by and spreading the hugs too!

      by BentLiberal on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 10:29:21 PM PDT

•  Suicide is the ultimate expression of hopelessnes

  by Friend of the court on Wed Aug 15, 2007 at 10:02:37 PM PDT

  •  Very cogent.

    Simply giving up.

    by BentLiberal on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 10:28:36 PM PDT

•  War is worse than hell

  I got this from the TV show MASH, in which Hawkeye tells Mulcahy that war is worse than hell, because hell is full of sinners, but war is full of innocents.

  The Bush war is worse than hell.  It is destroying thousands and thousands of innocent lives.  The ones who die outright are only the tip of the iceberg.

  by plf515 on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 03:25:30 AM PDT

•  Families are going to pay for this war...

  ... for a long time coming. How many families have been affected by this war? Hundreds of thousands? Imagine all the children of Iraq War vets, the spouses, broken lives, broken marriages. Jesus...

  All right, once I get over my anger & sadness, I'm going to become an activist again. Tutor a vet, guide him, whatever. Give back. Sorry for the diatribe, but the immensity of this catastrophe is just overwhelming. Those neocon assholes don't have a fucking clue.

  by DrReason on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 09:30:36 PM PDT

  •  Diatribe is understanable

    that it doesn't all drive us to madness is what's amazing someties.

    by BentLiberal on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 09:49:53 PM PDT

•  Remember Jose Padilla!

  http://www.democracynow.org/...

  An Inside Look at How U.S. Interrogators Destroyed the Mind of Jose Padilla.

  by Nulwee on Thu Aug 16, 2007 at 11:59:14 PM PDT

•  BL thanks for this

  you remind me of that phrase "the courage to change the things we can," like you writing and giving us all a chance to remember more of the true cost of this war and -- in my own case -- my inaction in fighting against it.

  thank you.

  • a.

  by angelino on Fri Aug 17, 2007 at 05:19:26 AM PDT

  •  thanks for commenting

    just saw this now

    by BentLiberal on Sun Aug 26, 2007 at 12:53:15 AM PDT