If I made this up no one would believe it.
Now well-connected kids interested in attending Harvard Business School don't have to worry about mediocre transcripts from Ivy League schools. Hell, they don't even have to have a college degree to get admitted.
According to a recent edition of The Harvard Crimson, next year's entering Business School class will include a 26-year old college dropout. In his defense, the kid is gainfully employed as a personal assistant making $71,600 a year. It's not all fun and games though...
He's obviously very good at his job because he has been holding it now for four years. A Pisces, he is naturally quick with the quips and this undoubtedly endears the boy to his boss. Don't get me wrong, the job description is pretty amazing.
What are some of the services this young college dropout offers his boss, a well-known Chief Executive? As the boss's personal assistant, the kid performs a wide range of duties, from dog-sitting the boss's Scottish terriers to carrying the man's speeches. He is also responsible for giving the boss the all important "two-minute warning" before a speech begins. More grueling tasks include carrying around the boss's breath mints. When he doesn't have his hands full with that chore, he may be found displaying his culinary skills. Apparently, these include making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the boss.
There is more to the job than knowing your way around the kitchen. Always solicitous of his boss's needs, the kid realizes the importance of helping his boss focus on "the big things" by making sure "he's not distracted by worrying where his speech is, or whether somebody packed the right things, or whether the day is set up in a way that's going to work, or whether people are being treated well when they come to the White House."
You read that right, we're talking about that White House. Harvard Business School is going to admit Bush's personal assistant, a boy whose main qualification for the job is he used to date Jenna.
I guess they are so impressed by how far George has gone ignoring his past mistakes that they feel compelled to embrace that approach as a new business philosophy and repeat some of their own.
Standards? Competence? Education? Surely you jest, sir! Loyalty is the new standard of excellence. Sychophancy is the new Black. Look at how well that has worked for the current administration. They have broken all sorts of economic records -- and they still have three years left on the clock! Who knows? Maybe Blake Gottesman will be the next President of the United States. Stranger things have happened.