Some thoughts at summer's closing...
Sun Sep 09, 2007 at 12:37:18 PM PDT
These are meanderings of my mind today... musings on life as we think we know it.
We all die. There is no escaping that fact – we are dying from the minute we take our first breath. The real question is how many of us live. When we are young, the impermanence of our lives does not exist: the speeding cars, the wild chances we take knowing that we are invulnerable to the old person's disease called death. But, with each sudden reminder – the death of a schoolmate or a child we know – we realize that not only do they old leave this mortal coil, but we, too, are at risk of ceasing to "be".
For some, that shock becomes a fear so great that life is wrapped around that concept as surely as the car and the tree that brought the awareness to our young being. For others, illness slowly creeps in to remind the psyche of the temporal nature of life. For some, the news of a closing consumes the joy of the middle – and the balance of that life is spent in mourning instead of celebration – in bitterness for what will never be instead of filling that remaining space with richness of what is.
But, why this diary? Follow along with me, won't you?
I was reminded of my own abrupt confrontation with this concept in 1986 the day after meeting my beloved nimbus – the little grey horse who kissed me on the cheek the day I met him. I was debating the wisdom of buying him when, within hours of our encounter for it was truly love at first kiss, I returned home from the barn to find a letter waiting from a high school classmate. He and his wife had visited the previous year sharing the exciting journey of their lives together from business school (where they met) to law school (where they attended together when Becky said, "I'm not sitting at home while you go!"), to the birth of their daughter (age seven by the storytelling) and to Becky's newest adventure into computer programming.
Bill's letter told me that he was so sad to share that Becky had, while going to pick up their daughter from school, backed into the path of a tractor trailer truck and been killed instantly.
As strange as this seems, I could not mourn her death for she had lived seven lives to most people's one. She had found the secret of living. the next morning, I called to tell the barn I was buying Nimbus – for Becky taught me that none of us know how long we will live, only how well we do that process.
Nimbus is now 26 years old and totally blind and he, too, has taught me that life isn't about infirmity – for he is as "good" as he will ever be for the rest of his life and he "sees" perfectly. He loves to be ridden for when under saddle, he can walk, trot, canter, gallop, buck, rear, go on trails – in other words, he lives to the fullest. When not under saddle, he walks only – but he knows every thing and person and animal around him. He has taught me that life isn't about mourning what is lost, it is about celebrating what is found.
I watch my "younger" (21 yr old) horse, Sans Peur (Sani), walk around me to place the massage crystals to the EXACT spot where his muscles are sore and then rock back and forth totally enjoying the feeling – of backing his beautiful butt toward me and sidling his hip into place for me to switch sides and work out the knots. I see them both celebrating the smallest of things – the majestic crunch of a sweet carrot, the skritch of an itchy spot reciprocated by his brother's skritch in return – or the three-way skritch where each of us stands in a circle happily scratching or chewing the next in line...
My old "Toad" (Buffalo Dog Cody, better known as Mr. Toad from Wind in the Willows) is now 14 and still barks the sun up every day and the moon out at night and every bird, bug and baby past us each day! My samoyed (Tendu, formerly known as Thunder – better known as Tee, Teeter, and Mr. Tee) has now realized he will never be left behind again and can enjoy sleeping peacefully while I am out of sight.
And me? I look to precious friends and family and see that their lives are not permanent, as, neither is mine – and I am moved to write to ask, no – plead – with you all to live every moment, every second to the fullest joy surrounding you. Take time to breathe in the wondrous smells of fall, winter, spring and summer again – feel the rain on your skin – the crisp air challenging your senses. Celebrate and live every moment you are alive! That is the true secret of happiness.
For none of us knows how long we will have on this earth – so savor it – share it – love it... and, love each other. Please?
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