I sit here at my computer in a state of unchecked stress. My head and teeth hurt from clenching my jaw. Waves of anxiety run through me washing away all positive thought in the tides of overwhelming concerns. My sleep is often interrupted by night sweats. I frequently have to excuse myself from company because I become afraid that I will become uncivil in the presence of those with whom I live.
I do not seek professional treatment for the root of such symptoms because I can neither afford it nor the medications that would be prescribed. I have always self medicated it quiet effectively. I do not wish to give the impression that my cannabis usage was or will be entirely medicinal. Some of the best treatment for any stress is a few hours of being able to leave the wolf at the door and unwind
I have in the efforts to make good with my friends been trying to seek employment. This means being able to pass drug screens. In the past I have lived in a state of tolerance where possession of under an ounce is not even an offence worthy of arrest. I was able to purchase items that allowed me to mask distilled water as the proper bodily secretion and thereby subvert the draconian practice of determining a workers recreational habits and using them to deny employment. North Carolina is one 13 states where any item whose prescribed purpose is to give a false result on a drug screen is illegal.
Like most of you I don’t oppose drug tests out of hand. I don’t want people stoned or tweaking at factories or driving trucks or delivering pizzas for that matter. I support the idea of random drug tests and I don’t oppose the idea of testing after a work place accident. What I don’t support is the notion that for one drug, cannabis, the tests determine not if you did it that day not if you did it the night before but if you have done it for the past 6 weeks (depending on your body fat which in my case 2 months would be safe bet) and on the basis of that usage you can be denied or lose employment and or benefits due because of work related injuries. I am opposed to the idea that I could get hit by some fool on the road and wind up with the ticket because my blood test in the hospital was positive with THC from a bong hit I took a month ago.
I sit here itching with stress because most of the detoxifiers I have access to in this state only work with at least two days of clean living. The truth is in mid-2006, when I was becoming politically active, I went dead sober (no drink, no drugs) for 10 months. I wanted to know before I committed myself to action that things were really as bad as they seemed. I didn’t suffer these symptoms on that occasion. Truth be told, it was simply a different way of viewing the world after years of periodic to regular cannabis usage. This time it could be the greater stress getting to me or it could be the anxiety of being so far from my daughter. If I had to commit to a reason though I would say that the past two weeks has been more trying then the 10 months not to long ago because it’s not my choice. I have to dry out to appease a corporation so I can get a job I don’t want.
I have long said if every cannabis consumer stood up and walked out of the shadows and lit one we wouldn’t have a prohibition. The tyranny of prohibition complicates that ideal. It’s not something people are willing to sacrifice a job to oppose. Even many of those who are not users but still don’t think the prohibition is necessary keep quiet because they don’t want to risk being metaphorically tarred with the same brush as those of us who would like the freedom to unwind in our own way in our own homes.