We do not, most of us, still make human or animal sacrifices to the gods, yet the notion of sacrifice is ever-present in our lives. It is spoken of in relation to the sacrifices of our troops for our country, the sacrifices we will have to make if we are to combat global warming or the global threat of terror, the sacrifices of the 9-11 families, even the sacrifices one is required to make in the gym and at the table in order to become appropriately fit and beautiful. It is the operative element in the non-violent demonstration, the act of civil disobedience, and the hunger strike. It is Lent. By giving up something, we will get something better, whether in this life or the next, and we will insure the good favor of the gods or the purification of the populace.
Whether a sacrifice is effective or appropriate to the situation at hand is rarely the question: the moral rightness of sacrifice, in and of itself, makes it the right thing to do, regardless of its actual influence on actual outcomes. Sacrifice is a powerful concept for humans, deep and old. Perhaps it comes from the time when, as prey, we did need some of us to venture out from the group in an act of self-sacrifice for the greater good, and their reward was this accruing of moral credit. Today, quite removed from the physical sacrifice of individual bodies to a predator animal for the protection of the group, sacrifice operates widely in human culture on two complementary levels. There is moral value to be obtained in the sacrifice of oneself, and there is moral value to be obtained by sacrificing the "other". It is interesting to look at the current administration's stubborn allegiance to the use of torture in this context, as we know it is neither an effective intelligence gathering technique nor a politically expeditious strategy.
I am interested here in the intersection of masculinity and sacrifice. Males, in their induction into the world of masculinity, undergo an experience of sacrifice in which they themselves are sacrificed and in turn are required to sacrifice others - whether it is other men or women and children or other beings on the planet. As a requirement of taking their appropriate place in the gendered space that is masculinity, men are subjected to the sacrifice of those traits within themselves that are deemed 'feminine'. Tenderness, empathy, fear, longing, insecurity, sweetness, intuition, need, vulnerability - all get sacrificed on the altar of masculinity. This sacrifice is not a one-time event. To retain membership in the club men must again and again prove their belonging through a continuing sacrifice of themselves and of others. This process - a pairing of the denial of any 'feminine' qualities within the self with an aggression against those same qualities in the other - limits men's existence. It cramps their intelligence and their ability to make connections. The more completely invested a man is in his masculinity the more he is restricted to experiencing anger as a stand-in for all other emotions. These men feel themselves to be dissociated from others and are continuously compelled to prove their worth. Many facets of the human experience are unavailable to them and they spend a great deal of mental and emotional energy in the attempt to maintain a state of being that is contrary to reality.
Though we sometimes include the word 'sacrifice' in dialogue, sacrifice mostly exerts its powerful influence on an unconscious level. That which is clearly destructive or ineffective on a rational level can still feel deeply right - even necessary - on an unconscious level. It is on this level that masculinity, along with the attendant sacrifices inherent to its maintenance, holds sway over human culture.
At one point in the development of our species these sacrifices may have served to protect us. Today, what was once protection has become predation. There is not a single global problem that is not deeply impacted - if not wholly created - by this issue of masculinity. To ignore it's pre-eminence is like ignoring the beast in the living room. And the only people who can do anything about it are men. Women can not give men permission to be complete human beings, for it has always been women to whom men have come in order to show those parts of themselves unacceptable in male culture. Men have to prove themselves to other men and to themselves, and, conversely, the only place men can get the permission to drop the mask of masculinity is from men.
When men hear other men tell the truth - the whole truth, not an edited and masculinized version of the truth - whether in the boardroom or the locker room, playing golf or playing dominos - it allows them to do the same. I realize that this is a great deal to ask. Men have very realistic fears of ostracism, degradation, and violence - of being sacrificed themselves - if they are to expose their vulnerabilities to other men. Yet the pay-off is potentially great as well, both for the individual and for the collective. There is a whole new range of expression and emotion, connection and liveliness, integrity and honesty, intelligence and relationship that is available to the man who has shed the constraints of masculinity. That is the pay-off to the individual. The collective benefits of living in a world of empathic men are difficult to imagine, as the implications are so vast.
Perhaps there is some way in which the deep feeling of rightness that surrounds sacrifice could be used in order to sacrifice masculinity upon its own altar. For in these times is this not the sacrifice that is most necessary on our planet?