Hi. I'm Bob Nota*, and I'm running for President.
Frustrated with the same creeps running the show? Don't want any of those clowns as President? Ready to give up on the whole process? I'm your man! Not even registered to vote? Gave up the whole show long ago? Think they're all the same? Vote for me!
In 2004, between 50 and 60% of the voting age population actually voted. Since wiki figures include ineligible people (illegal immigrants, prisoners, Paris Hilton), let's just assume it was 60% of eligible citizens. It may be higher this time, or it may not. My campaign is aimed at getting those people registered, and getting them to vote. For none of the above. The catch phrase from Network, "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore", was not something you could do anything with. With a vote for me, you can clearly express your dissatisfaction with the arrogant duopoly of the Republicrat Party. (Party? Why wasn't I invited?)
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With the Republican and Democrat splitting the usual 60%, I'll win with 40% to their 30%. Upon my victory, I pledge to immediately conduct a random poll of 5 million citizens. Each will be asked who they want for President. Whoever that is. Their cousin JimBob. Mickey Mouse. Whoever. Then, who their alternative would be, if their first choice doesn't win. Then their third choice, and so on, until they shoot or defenestrate the pollster. The top 500 names will be used in the second poll (of a different 5 million. No way they'd let us in the door again). Eventually, a candidate will emerge who is hated less than any of the others. That person becomes my VP, and I immediately resign.
So, DKers, tell your apathetic, lazy, and stupid friends about my web site A_Pox_On_All_Their_Mansions.com, or they can join the battle as a volunteer at Gravel_Has_A_Bigger_Organization_Than_Mine.com. With the support of the despairing majority, we can dump the aristocracy that runs the show.
Hello? Anybody there? Turn off that damned TV!
P.S. Meet your new President .... Tom Cruise! Aaaugghhh!
P.P.S. The meeting of the Procrastinators Society starts yesterday at 9 sharp.