As Democrats, we all share the same values. We like things that are nice or that are smart, and we oppose things that are stupid or that suck. Things that are nice are like doctors and schools and jobs and Jon Stewart with writers again. And Democrats! Democrats are nice! Things that suck are like pollution and torture and war. And Republicans. Republicans really suck.
That's why I'm supporting a candidate---my candidate.
My candidate is smart. And my candidate will bring us nice things. And my candidate is the only candidate who is smart enough to bring us nice things and take away all the things that suck.
My candidate wants to change bad things into good things. As Democrats, we're all tired of things that suck. But my candidate is the only candidate who knows how to change things that suck into nice things. Democrats supporting another candidate have their hearts in the right place. But their candidate doesn't know how to change things that suck. Not like my candidate.
Only my candidate can give us nice things.
Only my candidate can take away all the things that suck.
Only my candidate is smart enough to change things that suck into nice things.
My candidate can change Republicans that suck into Democrats that are nice. My candidate can do this because my candidate's really smart. My candidate can do this because my candidate's doing everything right.
There are other ways to change things, too. The candidate who isn't my candidate is trying those other ways. Those ways are wrong. They won't change anything. In fact, they'll change everything and make it worse. They'll change Democrats that are nice into Republicans that suck. And then John McCain will win and put Jon Stewart in Guantanamo.
And if you get sick there won't any doctors.
And if you're dumb, like dumb enough to vote for another candidate, there won't be any schools so you'll stay dumb, like, forever, and---
Ahem. Excuse me.
Other candidates are very good candidates too. I don't want to cast aspersions on candidates who aren't my candidate. Certainly it must be exciting for fans of a candidate, who've been waiting for the historic moment when a candidate like their candidate is elected for the first time. I sympathize. In fact, I can't wait until the election when I can vote for a candidate like their candidate to be the first President of the United States like their candidate.
But this election is too important to indulge those feelings right now. Because this election, it's absolutely critical that we elect a candidate like my candidate. It's nothing against other people's candidate, or their candidate's character or commitment, that I say it is absolutely essential that we not nominate that candidate. And I don't mean any criticism of other Democrats, and especially my fellow members of the Kos community, that I say that the other candidate is no good at everything---but I must.
If we elect a candidate who isn't my candidate, all sorts of changes won't happen. And then we won't have nice things. We'll still have things that suck.
And as Democrats, we all want nice things. Aren't nice things more important than who gets to win some petty feud over whose candidate won? As long as it's my candidate?
I think even candidates who aren't my candidate are still good Democrats. And once the nomination is settled, there's going to be a place for all Democrats to come together, and work to elect the Democratic candidate. All of our candidate. My candidate.
I... I... Hey, can I sit down? I've been posting this same diary on thirteen sites all day. It's just... Super Tuesday's tomorrow, you know? And it's just... just so close. After then it'll be done. Just me and my candidate.