So, are we all Primaried out? I sure am!
Kossacks Under 35 is a weekly diary series designed to create a
community within DailyKos that focuses on young people. Our overall goals
are to work on increasing young voters' Democratic majority, and to raise
awareness about issues that particularly affect young people, with a
potential eye to policy solutions. Kossacks of all ages are welcome to
participate (and do!), but the overall framework of each diary will likely
be on or from a younger person's perspective. If you would like more
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kath25 at kossacksunder35 (at) gmail dot com
So, I won't bore you with more primary noise. There's likely, at the time that this gets published, over 500 different diaries that pretty much all the same thing.
Instead we'll talk about something fun. Or frustrating. Or vexing. Or something. Dating.
And dealbreakers.
I've been single since August after an on again off again waste of my time relationship. I hadn't dated anyone since early 2004, and actually I hadn't really dated at all before that, so I really was at a loss as to what to do next. Singlehood didn't really suit me, especially since I don't exactly have a real cohesive social group in the city I live in. It can be rough around here too, as there are as many closet cases then there are German derived names in the local phone book. I decided to make a list of qualities that I wanted and things I didn't like, based on the previous relationships that had, in my mind, all ended in failure. I hate failure. It sucks. Logically then, making a list of everything that I wanted and didn't want and I'd find Mr. Perfect Forever and we'd buy a house and get a cat and travel to Aruba twice a year and Key West once a year and Sandy Hook, NJ every other summer weekend made perfect sense.
I'm, of course, not nuts about this. Making lists of dealbreakers apparently has precedence.
Either that, or I saw it on a Sex and the City episode.
but, even creepy E-Harmony has a page about them.
Anyway I figured a good exercise to help focus the search for The Right One would be writing out all my dealbreakers. They're based entirely on the previous relationships that I had, and failed and some on people I've gone out with. Here's a sample:
- Baby boomer? Deal breaker. FYI, the youngest boomers turn 44 this coming year.
- Live with mom and dad? Deal breaker.
- No job (and not trying)? Deal breaker.
- Fundamentalist? Deal breaker. (that goes for ANY kind of zealotry).
- Closet case? Deal breaker. You will do things with me in public and with my family or you won't see me at all, period, and vice versa. I'm not asking for hand holding and public displays of affection. I don't want to sit at home. That's lame.
- Religious and demand I go to church with you? Deal breaker. I go on my own terms, thanks. (this prohibition doesn't extend to Judaism, however)
- Smoker? Yeah, deal breaker.
- Sexually incompatible? Deal breaker (I'm zero for three in that book!)
- lying, wicked, evil sociopath? Very much a deal breaker.
- Momma's boy? Deal breaker.
- Republican? no. Just no.
- Libertarian, hell no!
- always bored. Bored people are boring people.
- No hobbies or interests
- oh, and Greens, bleh, no. No Nader fans!
- dirty, here, there and everywhere. ESPECIALLY there!
- no drugs other then pot.
- (related to #1) no dominants. I fucking hate being told what to do.
It kind of ballooned from there. It took a few months, but I realized at some point that if I had this huge list in my hand of 77 88 92 161 23 Dealbreakers, I was really just going to end up being a lonely old bitter queen at 35 and trust me, Harrisburg is well (i'd say over) represented by that cohort.
I tore up the list.
It seems to me that these lists, and we Americans seem to order so much of our lives by lists, really aren't helpful. Reading through other people's dealbreakers made me realize that most of mine were fairly shallow (must be above this height and below this height, must be above this weight and below this weight, etc.) Of course, people are shallow, and I wouldn't expect us as under 35s to be any different, but lists? Dating isn't like grocery shopping at Wegmans. I think they'll just make us lonely in the end if everything we can think of is on there and we don't meet the one person that doesn't have those "quirks."
People have quirks. Just gotta get used to them. We should evolve.
At any rate, there ARE things that are simply things we shouldn't have to put up with, those of us that are single. Perhaps they're not insane dealbreakers, but yeah, here they are:
- Racist.
- Sexist
- Homophobic
- Unrealistic expectations
So, I'll try to remember this.
Even though I recently decided to end a not-so-budding relationship because the guy does drag....eh, he wasn't that into me anyway. Yeah, that's how I'll justify it...
oh...no smokers...oh and i don't want to compete with your mom.
oh, and be local.
and we should be somewhat close in income so I don't have to supp---drat. damn!
I guess I'm not evolved yet. I'll get there. Or not.
What are your dealbreakers?
Oh, I forgot one. I don't date bitchy primary warriors.
Damn! there I go making lists again!
Well, the floor is yours. What are your dealbreakers?