We are on the verge of really screwing up a huge party the Republicans were planning on throwing for themselves this November.
I hope we succeed in ruining their party, which would have gone something like this:
Come one, come all to our fabulous going away / pity / hate PARTY this fall! Sure, we’re probably going down faster and harder than the Titanic, but we’re gonna go out with style! Everyone’s invited! Book your reservations early and join us! Fun Party Activities will include:- Ronald Reagan masks for the first 100 arrivals! - Everyone gets a free Stay Out Of My Village - Bitch T-Shirt! - Prizes for the guest who comes closest to guessing the total number of lesbians Hillary has slept with in the past 12 months! - Guest speaker topics include ‘Whitewater – what Ken Starr didn’t tell you!’ and ‘TravelGate – Worse for the USA than the Iraq War?’ Book early for these sure to be sold out lectures! - A ‘Who Killed Vince Foster’ Murder Mystery Game! Was it Hillary? Was it Bill? You’ll love the surprise twist ending to this one (hint – it rhymes with ‘Planet Keno’)! - Dennis Miller will perform his new hit comedy routine ‘The True Meaning of IS’! - Jonah Goldberg will teach us all how the upcoming Clinton DoOver Presidency will be the road to a fascist USA! - Mary Matalin will perform LIVE her new hit country song ‘My Husband Is a Moran Who Gives Me Inside Dirt Fer Nothin And Supports Scooter For Free’! You’ll love this live performance with a special guest who’s in on the joke (some say he is the joke, if you know what we mean)! - Free Admission (!) to all ladies who wear a blue dress! - Can you TASTE the nostalgia? We knew you could!
Ah yes, our friends across the aisle were planning a huge going away bash, but something just might be happening to ruin their fun...
Due to an unexpected possible change in the guest list, we are now planning our Going Away Party with two possible themes! You know the first one already, but just in case we have another great idea in store for you! No, you don’t need to cancel your tickets, just wait and see what we have planned as a (Dear Lord please don’t do this to us) Party Theme!!!:- Our first annual ‘Obama – Osama’ dance night! - A skit staring Rush Limbaugh and Alan Keyes as ‘Saddam’ and ‘Barack’ called ‘The Hussein Brothers Visit Manhattan’! LOLZ! - Free Stylish Afro Wigs to the first 100 guests! - And More!
Er, what’s that you say? You say your kids think you’re a complete tool for making fun of the Democratic Nominee for President just because he has a unique name? And they say you’re flirting with outright racism for some of the stupid crap you’re spouting? THEY are telling YOU to grow up? Hey, c’mon what do they know? It’s time to PARTAY! Partay like it’s 1999! C’mon, you know you wanna! Where’s everybody going? No, sorry – it’s too late for a refund. And besides, it’ll still be a fun party! Please. Please come to our party. Pretty please? Sigh.
I know many think it’ll be like the 2000 election all over again regardless of our nominee. But really, it will be different. Much different. For one, there are far too many of us who know all their tricks and are ready to combat them from Day 1. For another, the scorched earth, trash the Clintons politics of old simply won’t work on our young voters today. Especially not against someone they essentially see as one of their own. I for one am confident that either nominee will win the Presidency in 2008. But only one of the two remaining competitors will ruin the Going Away Party the Republicans have been planning for years. I sure hope to see all those pre-ordered t-shirts go straight into the trash can. I know, I know – we need to recycle more but some things just belong in the dust bin of history.