For the first time since I was old enough to vote, I left the polls yesterday more depressed and dejected than ever.
I always loved hitting the polls. Going to vote for who I believed in. Feeling all "yeah! I did something, go (whoever dude I voted for)"
It was not so today
I felt like a traitor to myself and my beliefs leaving the polls yesterday.
I's like, how low will I go to be sure that a Dem gets the white house...
So today, I put aside my hopes, beliefs, and wants to vote for a candidate who doesn't inspire me. For the good of the party
And I felt like crap.
When the race started, I made it a point to scrutinize everything I could find about the runners. I know that they weren't perfect. But the one who's voice spoke for me I supported. And I worked, and donated and fought to end the sensed media block on his message.
And he dropped out.
So I turned to the other candidates... Please give me something to believe in, to fight for. Tell me you will Fight for me. Tell me that YOU want
me to vote for you. Tell me that want the lives of me and my friends to be better. Tell me you'd work to right the wrongs of the last 8 years. TELL ME THAT WE WON'T BE FORGOTTEN ONCE YOU'VE BECOME THE PRESIDENT! Tell me you'd go thru Hell to give us that. Give me your reasons, and let me think and decide.
And what I got was "talking points" Regurgitated political drivel. I called campaign offices asking to "get to know" their candidate more. I got "cheerleaders".
So I read what I could, Listened to the speeches. Read their webpages and browsed the blogs. Still wasn't swayed one way or the other.
So I looked to the other side of the fence. What's going on in "Rethuglican campaign land" I read those Blogs (god it made me feel skeezy) read the web pages of those candidates, listened to the news, (both CNN and FOX) so I could see how THAT climate was shaping up...
The 2 fighting candidates, both using tactics I hate, taking money from groups I despise. But they're taking a lot of my candidates talking points and Ideas... so that's not too bad. Those are my choices. Neither stirred me, neither inspired me. I liked them both well enough as people, as senators, and I have respected all that they have accomplished. No matter who won, I wouldn't have a problem voting for them in the general election.
So I made my decision and walked to the polls.
It hurt yesterday, seeing MY candidate's name there, eligible for a vote from me. I would have LOVED to say "FU, I'm voting for who I believe in. He may not be there, but I STILL BELIEVE IN HIS MESSAGE" But nope, I didn't... It would have made me feel good and given the big ole middle finger to the rest of the group. But... That doesn't do much in the way of getting a dem in the white house will it.
Starting at the computer screen... Weighing my choices carefully. Analyzing the whys of EVERYTHING.
The publics' view of one of the candidates hasn't been set in stone yet. Little time on the scene keeps them guessing... The candidate's promises seem wonderful and inspire and energize, I haven't heard an in depth comprehensive plan of how to implement those promises. The candidate seems to have the ability to reach out to many people and that's a plus.
The other one, while having some policies and plans closer to my own (with some sort of implementation plan), is a very polarizing figure and already has a public face that was created years ago. It's hard to let go of old views of people. Imagine the hard nosed evil math teacher... he may have changed completely by now but you'll always think of him as that hard mean old math teacher. The candidate's more hawkish tendencies is something that I don't agree with. I know that this candidate stands a decent chance of being beaten by McCain, according to all the polls that I have seen from the start of the race to yesterday.
So I voted. Feeling betrayed and disgusted with myself.
So for the first time in my life, I left the polls feeling like my beliefs didn't matter. That finding the voice for my beliefs was not at the polling place.
So you got my Vote...
Begrudgingly and reluctantly you got it.
I only hope that I don't regret my choice
Senator Obama... you have my support