A potentially huge story according to an unnamed but longtime McCain family friend:
John McCain's mother was born in the outback of Australia.
She met McCain's father in Sydney and the rest, as we say, is history.
The elder Mrs. McCain has confided in her friend many times over the years saying:
When I chose to name him John Sydney, I didn't realize it could brand him, maybe damage him in some way. I just missed Australia so much. It was my culture, my ethnicity. So when he joined the military, John Sydney made a very, very wise decision to change the Y to an I, all legally mind you.
( link to Dade District Court, Division of Name change, reveals fuzzy document from 1953 )
Yes there's more, follow me over the fold.
Yes, it appears that John Sydney McCain's mother is Australian. This secret has been a tremendous burden for years.
A former longtime staffer, interviewed on the condition of anonymity, said that he first began to suspect something when he was forced to come up with bogus reasons for being late to campaign events.
Being tardy, it was the result of him standing in line for countless hours at every Outback restaurant in the country, all of that for a Blooming Onion, I didn't get it then and I don't get it now, but it still brings tears to my eyes.
When top campaign officials were confronted by this story they had this to say:
It's well known that Senator McCain believes in lucky charms and trinkets, so the fact that he places a lucky boomerang underneath his sleeping pillow is meaningless.
Levell "Zip" Crandell lV went on the record to dispell any linkage between the sleeping pillow boomerang and any hint of Australian heritage saying "Everyone knows that the first boomerang was found in Poland over 20,000 years ago. You guys are engaging in a smear campaign".
The feared backlash among voters is hard to measure at this point. Reknown scholars and barstool-sitters across the nation have privately expressed grave concerns:
After three Long Island Teas, an unidentified woman at Huck's grill had this to say:
"Surely he won't bring a live dingo to the White House", she said sighing with concern, "that will be so dangerous for the children who tour through there".
All knowing media expert and journalist Bill Kristol weighed in on the story today:
I've been wistful, so wistful for a journalistically valid reason to disavow and reject Senator McCain as a candidate. And I just, to make the record absolutely clear, I saw it with my own eyes and smelled it with my own nose.
At first I thought maybe he had been drinking, then I saw it, packages of vegemite sandwiches inside of a totebag setting not two feet from my spot on the StraightTalk Express.
It was an Oral Roberts University totebag filled with packages of this stuff. I mean, come on, what are the American people supposed to believe now.
Matthew Continetti, graduate elect of S.T. Agnew High, confirms the story to this extent
I was there
My hands were sweating and I was smiling nervously
I said a few dumb things
I saw the totebag, the sandwiches were wrapped in Saran Wrap, what a lame mistake, I mean I could see them.
I can't confirm the presence of any odor but that's only because the barometric pressure was rising and my sinuses were having fits. But the bag and sandwich packages were there all right. Can the American people sleep soundly knowing this?
Digging deeper, cable sources have reported that Cincinnati talkshow radio host, the icon, Bill Cunningham, has begun referring to John McCain as John Sydney McCain.
People in Australia live in the bushes with no shirts and no shoes. They eat kangaroos. Kargaroos are RODENTS. And big ones at that. No rodent eating, shirtless, bush-living, hack will take my flagpole, unless they want to pry it from my cold dead hand that is.
High ranking officials at the DNC admit they've been secretly polling, trying to develop an effective strategy, considering candidate McCains' Australian roots, white father and prognostications of hoplessness.
According to DNC pollster Ramal Kumbayayall,
this is just a tough demographic to poll, but the boomerang under his pillow is coming back on McCain in a big way, at least in our preliminary results.