Down here, we are used to being treated like the red headed step-child of the Democratic Party. It's ok. We've made peace with sending you all our money and getting nothing in return. Now you show up, plying us with questions, needing favors, wanting a decisive answer, and frankly it's unfamiliar and a little disturbing.
The last time we held national party attention Bill Clinton was President, Ann Richards was Governor, and Texas political stars were aplenty. And then the Bush-Rove machine kicked our ass and we were set aside for being "soft".
Well, if we're soft, the world is a marshmallow. Yes, you.
We know you will probably stop paying attention after Tuesday. Even if we turn out in amazing numbers, even if we send a decisive message, even if we deliver what the national party seems to so desperately need. Sigh.
So, before we go and give you our hybrid election opinion, there are a few things about Texas I would like you to know....
- We are not soft. The only thing soft about a Texas Democrat is the tears we silently let fall in our inevitable, private frustration. Do not mistake our tears for weakness. We're just lubing up our eyeballs for the next fight.
- We love Bill Clinton just like every hypothetical cowboy is loved by all the ranch hands on Bonanza. Little Hoss might be naughty, but it's forgivable. Besides, you can't be President again, so we don't mind if you come around and remind us of good old times. Just don't expect us to vote for your wife.
- We love Obama more right now. A lot more. That's just the way it is. We know you don't think we can love a black man more than a white woman, but you don't really know squat about us do you?
- We respect Hillary Clinton. Texas women, and not just the Democrats, understand and respect her difficult career and marriage. Many of us will vote for her because of her personal struggle and our chance to publicly pat her on the back in solidarity.
- Nobody down here thinks Hillary Clinton is going to win the Texas primary. We don't believe your polls. We believe our neighbors. The only question is: how much of a clear message will we send and how confused will you be when we are finished?
- Don't judge us by your turnout. Send all the rock stars out on the campaign trail and we might just show up to look. That is, we have probably already voted for someone else, maybe even still be actively campaigning for the opponent, but it's kind of cool to have all these people actually stumping in Texas. Heck, in some places we turn out to watch paint dry. At least you have rhetoric.
- We like it when you give us something important to do. The first candidate to put us to work will have our attention. Hint: it is not work to open our wallet and hand you money.
- We won't vote out of pity. Not for a man or a woman or a president or a dog catcher or ever. Texas does NOT pity vote.
- We do not need presidential protection. We have a loaded gun under the pillow just in case the phone starts ringing at 3AM. And stay away from the kids. It makes us nervous.
- Run ads about money. We like to talk about money.