Who pissed on your Cheerios this morning, anyhow? It's all a bunch of morose navel-gazing about how Ohio is lost, and how Texas will be a tie, and how the Clinton campaign will claim a comeback.
Nothing in this world is certain, and even less in this campaign is certain. But before you get too demoralized, I've got a few things for you to consider.
As Barack Obama himself is fond of saying, it's amazing that we're even standing here. We're talking about Obama tying Clinton in two states that were practically tailor-made for her to win. The fact that we're even considering that Obama could make these states competitive is phenomenal.
And do I have to remind you what these numbers looked like earlier this month? A lesser campaign than Obama's would have completely written them off.
"Unwinnable!" they'd say. "Don't even try!" But this is why people like that have lost to the Republicans. Because they've got no fight. They have no sand or character, as Gene Hackman's character in "Unforgiven" would have put it.
Do I have to say again that what we're fighting for is a different style of politics? A different era, where we won't be afraid of how the media is crowing about "comebacks"? About how we aren't going to piss ourselves whenever the polls aren't what we'd like them to be?
Where's your
???
Where's your
???
Where's your
???
Where are your spines?
Oh, but droogie, you say. Someone on "60 Minutes" said Obama was a Muslim who didn't know the Pledge of Allegiance.
Are you kidding me? Jesus Crunk-Dancing Christ! Is this what we're doing to ourselves?
Are you fired up or aren't you?
Barack was never immune to bullshit smears like this one. There will always be a few morons out there. If you want proof, look at how well Ron Paul was doing there for a while. Look at all the people you've talked to who say they'll vote for John McCain if their candidate doesn't win.
People, we're better than this. Now is not the time to be scared. A little performance-night jitters are to be expected, but this is getting a more than a little ridiculous.
We are competing in states that should, by all conventional wisdom and knowledge, never ever have considered voting for Obama.
The Very Serious People have been telling us that this can't be done for months. And only now, at what could be the end, are you choosing to listen to them? They, who were wrong about Iraq, and wrong about the economy, and wrong about so great many things?
It's a wonder some of them still have gainful employment, and you're listening to them?
Listen here, folks. Now is our moment. We are the change we've been waiting for.
"Now there's another thing I want you to remember. I don't want to get any messages saying that "we are holding our position." We're not holding anything. Let the Hun do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto him by the nose and we're going to kick him in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of him all the time and we're going to go through him like crap through a goose!"
It's time to fight. It's time to win. It's time to end this, and it's time to take it to the Republicans the best we know how in the general.
Now what do you say, Democrat? Do you want real change?
Bullshit! I can't hear you!
Show me your election face!
Bullshit, I still can't hear you! Work on it, Private Joker!
We're gonna dine in Pennsylvania, and we're gonna dine in Texas, and we're gonna dine in Ohio, and we're gonna dine in Vermont... and then we're gonna take back the White House, and we're gonna dine in Hell!
YAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHH!!!!
Phonebanking link.
UPDATE: By popular demand, one more item in the pep talk: