Recent Bush Administration mutterings about an enduring "Status of Forces Agreement" (SOFA) between the US and Iraq, together with the still-pending passage of a new "Oil Law" in Iraq, inspires the following:
FUTURE REAL-SPEAK NEWS FLASH -- CHENEY: "IT’S THE OIL!"
Sweet Crude Victory!
US Vice President Richard Bruce Cheney convened a press conference early this morning on the White House lawn to announce and publish, "Our Open Letter to the World: Yes, Our Sights Were Set Upon Iraq’s Oil." The Vice President was flanked by several, prominent signatories of this newly published "Open Letter," later identified as officials or principal participants from the VP’s Energy Task Force; the Pentagon’s Office of Special Plans; and The White House Iraq Group.
The Vice President began his remarks by announcing what he describes as, "[O]ur true and final victory in Iraq." These remarks referenced the Iraqi government’s passage and ratification, earlier this week, of both it’s new "Oil Law" and the "The Permanent US/Iraq Agreement on Military Cooperation."
"Iraq’s new Oil Law," said the Vice President, "at last codifies all three of our fundamental and hard-won objectives in Iraq." The Vice President also noted "the indispensable and enduring importance" of the new "Permanent Agreement," also recently passed by the Iraqi Parliament. "This Agreement, " said the Vice President, "ensures our ongoing ability to enforce the new legal rights granted to our corporations by Iraq’s Oil Law."
A summary of those "three . . . fundamental" objectives was later spelled out in an "Official Supplementary Press Release" distributed immediately after the news conference, which included the full text of "Our Open Letter to the World." As that "Letter" states, those "fundamental objectives" were: "1) The de-nationalization of Iraq’s oil industry; 2) The expulsion of ‘foreign suitors’ for Iraq’s oil; and 3) The delivery of control over Iraq’s vast oil wealth to ‘our’ oil extraction and oil service corporations."
When asked to comment on the US "victory" in achieving these objectives, the Administration official distributing the "Release" remarked only, "Bub-bye France! Bub-bye Russia! Bub-bye China!"
Soon after the press conference, the Vice President was regaled at a "Victory Luncheon" held within the White House. Of all the hortatory remarks lavished upon VP Cheney, it was a statement read by AEI-fellow, Michael Ledeen that brought all the luncheon’s attendees to their feet:
"Our bombs express only our benevolence. Our DU munitions are tipped with love! Our torture chambers are but workshops of our compassion. Our corporations will now begin to export 'shrink-wrapped pallets of cash' out of Iraq, but will plant in this arid, blood-soaked place the patented seeds of our superior McCivilization. And now that our benevolence and love and compassion have conquered the futile resistance to our goodness, let’s join hands around the smoking rubble, the funeral pyres, and ‘blend with ours your voices in the triumph song!’"
Mr. Ledeen summarily punctuated his statement by shaking his fist in the air and exclaiming, "Victory in Iraq! On to Iran!"
A "SOFA" agreement, together with the "benchmark" passage of a new "Oil Law" in Iraq, encapsulates the real, yet-unresolved, "mother of all legal battles" still roiling both in Baghdad and our nation's Capitol.