I would describe myself as a very cynical person. I don't always feel very much hope in the world. I've been disappointed in my personal and professional life. I hope that at least the nature of certain battles in my life change, but they just don't seem to. I am fearful of a lot of things. The thing that drives me is that on some level, things have to get better, because if they don't we're totally fucked. Honestly, I have been starting to feel burned out on many things. I have hated the Republican party for a long time. Why? Because of all the people that they nominated for the Presidency in 2000, they nominated Bush, who in the most polite terms can be described as obtuse. Even if you don't think he's pure evil, he comes off as so clueless. When faced with the prospect of $4/gallon gas, Bush has said, "Well the Dollar isn't worth what it used to be so you're really not spending that much." I can't even tell you how angry that makes me. McCain may have been the Republicans' best candidate, but he's following suit with Bush on everything, especially the war. I could never vote Republican. Certainly not for President.
Let's move onto the Democrats. Issues-wise, I was certainly closer to John Edwards when he was running. I thought he had a good, workable, pragmatic health care plan. Edwards didn't catch on, unfortunately. Now let's move onto Hilary. First off, I have always had a bit of a problem with political dynasties that were so close together in time. Now, we look at the prospect of two coexisting and covering most of my lifetime. I don't like that. If Hilary had been able to set herself apart and establish that she was good in her own right, I would be more than happy to change my mind about her. She's failed to do that. I don't like her attitude of entitlement towards the Presidency. She seems to think it should just be handed to her. I don't like the idea of mandating health care. I feel that she has run a campaign on innuendo. This brings us to Obama. I like Obama. I think in spite of the blemishes that have come up on him. I do think that Obama doesn't delve into the nuts and bolts. I wish he would more. Now, I usually get turned off by people that talk big and aren't. However, with him, I sense a certain something that I can't entirely describe. Someone who wants to change things for the better. Someone who goes everywhere to campaign. He campaigns in the South, and states like Utah, Idaho and Wyoming even. He has a good chance of winning Colorado over McCain. Hilary can't do that.
Going back to my attitude issues, like I have said, I have a cynical outlook as does much of my family. My brother and my father feel the same way I do. Obama may not be THE answer, he may not have all of the answers, but in spite of things that have been stated, he may have a longer way to go before becoming corrupt than Hilary or McCain. Now, my mother, may watch a little more Fox News due to the company she keeps, but I know she doesn't like Bush or the war and is disappointed in McCain. But she doesn't like Hilary or Obama much either. As for her attitude towards Obama, she seems to buy the idea that he might be a Muslim. Despite the fact that I have repeatedly told her that that is bunk. She said that it would be the ultimate coup if the Middle East got one of theirs in. I said that a more possible coup, which to an extent has happened is that we use fear to turn America into a virtual Police State like Bush has been trying to do. She agreed, but still. She seems to mistrust Muslims. I wonder anymore, if she mistrusts those that aren't like her. This is all pure speculation. But more to the point, she doesn't like Obama, because she sees him as all hype. She finds that disingenuous. Furthermore, she has stated that he refuses to disclose his connections, and that she worries that Obama may be part of the "White-hating Black crowd". Citing things that his wife said that he has covered up and glossed over. I don't know what Michelle has said, honestly. Maybe because I haven't been paying attention. Maybe because I refuse to watch Fox News. I never thought my mother was a racist when I was a kid. I hope she's not now, but either she worries me or the future does. I know she has music by many African American artists, and likes Motown, so who knows. She considers herself Middle-of-the-Road, but has seemed to drift right compared to the rest of us. On one hand, I wonder. I don't really have much faith in the Goodness of Humanity. I feel a little mistrustful. I am cynical and I even contradict my therapist when she says that people want to help each other by saying that's not true. But sometimes, when I'm around my mother, I feel that her outlook makes mine downright sunny. I don't know what to believe in anymore. I always try to be guarded and cautious about how I deal with people. But Jesus. When can I start believing in something again without worrying about the consequences? When the hell do we fix things? There's always a high level of doubt.