This is somewhat long, but I figure it is late on a Friday night so what the heck. My family are all staunch republicans and absolutely refuse to stop sending me their republican emails saying how all democrats are evil liberals who eat babies and are trying to destroy the world(I'm sure you've seen the type many many times). Finally tonight I received an email from a family member and sat down to type out a response. First the email I received in italics and my response follows.
Father/Daughter Talk
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of 'the redistribution of wealth.'
She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.
One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school.
Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.
Her father listened and then asked, 'How is your friend Audrey doing?'
She replied, 'Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even show up for classes because she's too hung over.'
Her wise father asked his daughter, 'Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.'
The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, 'That wouldn't be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!'
The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently,'Welcome to the Republican party.'
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Response:
The same young woman at college in your story is now a proud republican. She asks, "Why should I have to pay so much to go to college? I earned that money, its mine!" So she begins a campaign to lower tuition costs so she can keep more of what is rightfully hers. Being a bright young woman, she's able to get tuition costs cut by three quarters, and even then, she secretly fumes about how much of HER money she has to give up.
Fast forward a few years. This young Republican and her ilk have ruled the roost the whole time. The whole time they've managed to consistently cut what everyone has to pay for tuition.
A new class arrives at the college who had nothing to do with these cuts, they just want to get a good education. Unfortunately, because the good republicans were so successful in cutting tuition over the years, this new class faces some hard choices. They are informed that the English, Psychology, Engineering, Business, and Biology departments are closing, tuition costs are increasing 500%, and lack of funding for maintenance for such a long period has caused all the college dorms to be condemned. Thankfully, the fees charged for building upkeep had been one of the first eliminated by the earlier republican class.
The earlier classes, now done with college, become so upset they protest it on the new PBS, formerly known as Fox News. The President of the college is called to testify about the unconscionable changes. After being called a filthy communist, socialist, liberal democratic heathen, he is finally given a chance to speak. "The situation is simple. There is no money. You can call me all the names you like, but the fact is, we enact these changes as I have outlined them, or the college closes tomorrow. Period."
Meanwhile, some of the new generation of students are attending a class on the constitution (in a decrepit building with mold lining the walls and roaches scampering everywhere). They ask their professor, "we think the policies of the old republican classes were wrong. Isn't there something we can do to show we're upset with them and have them changed?"
The professor replies, "You're in luck. We live in a great country where we have a constitution which specifically provides for a redress of grievances, and more importantly, grants you the right to free speech and assembly."
Its at this time that the Department of Homeland Security SWAT team breaks down the doors to the classroom and comes swinging in through what's left of the decaying window frames. As it turned out, the professor in question was under video surveillance as part of the PATRIOT and Sedition act as a possible disturber of the peace. With his statement, the professor had "incited distrust in the glorious leader" which was now a capital offense per the signing statement issued on a Post Office funding bill passed several years earlier.
And we all praise God that we live in such a free country (naturally...because if we don't, we get an all-expenses paid trip to the Robertson/Falwell re-education camp).