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So far, word on the street, courtesy of my unpaid informant from the Obama campaign inner-circle, is that the following names are being tossed about as possible VP choices.

Huggie Bear tells me the Obama campaign is currently looking at the following candidates to help balance the ticket:

WhiteBread candidates:

1)Zell Miller. He's insane. He's a traitor. But he also has the advantage of being Southern, and having died three years ago, so it mostly comes down to having someone prop up one of his hands during the swearing-in ceremony, and then just tossing him into a chair in the corner of a room somewhere in the White House.

2)John McCain. No chance that John's actually going to be the next president, so he'd probably leap at this opportunity. If he plays true to form, he'll allow the Republican party to put itself on the line for him, working themselves to the fullest for the next six months, while McCain plays around on the side with the Democrats, finally divorcing the Republican party in October and marrying Barack's campaign.

3)Dick Cheney. No one wants to have to try to get Dick out of the VP's offices. This might be the easiest thing. Just let him stay. He's going to find a way to run the country, anyway, so this could be the least painful outcome all around.

4)Thomas Jefferson. If you were watching John Adams Sunday night, you know that Jefferson was a Republican, but that was back when the Republicans were really the Democrats, and our Republicans were really the Whigs, who were basically the same group of corrupt assholes in 1790 that they are today. They just went bankrupt in the early 19th century and changed their name. Jefferson is clearly a Democrat. He believed in separation of church and state. He gambled. He read. He fooled around a bit, and didn't suffer pangs of guilt about it. He spoke 12 different languages and didn't believe the Earth was flat, supported on the back of a giant elephant. Rumoured to have died in the early 1800's. Actually living in Jupiter, Florida.

Intriguing choices:

1)Hillary Clinton. Nah, I just threw that one in there. No chance. It was a stupid idea when Chris Matthews said it a couple months ago, and it's still a .....well, wait, I'm giving more than I need to there. It was really enough to say "Chris Matthews said it." All else is encompassed.

2)The Doctor. Technically, Dr. John Smith. Preferably, the Jon Pertwee version. Colin Baker would be not such a good choice. He'd have to be replaced after two seasons. He overacts. Tom Baker would be all right, if you could get him early on, before he got completely weird. Sylvester McCoy...nah, that's kind of like Hillary Clinton. I understand Chris Matthews said it.

3)HAL9000. He's sentient. He could theoretically be built today. He gets a really bad rap because he was given conflicting directives. Just keep him away from the Laffer curve. He'd probably initiate Global Thermonuclear Warfare.

Originally posted to steve davis on Wed Apr 16, 2008 at 05:55 AM PDT.

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