Skip to main content

Another article that never got published. I was offered $100 by one of the local City Papers in Portland, OR but the editor pulled out at the last minute.

WHAT DO BOOBS GOT TO DO WITH IT?
By Varinthorn Christopher (A.K.A. Siamese Buckaroo)

I just turned thirty years old this year. Turning thirty has been easier than I thought it would be. I spent my teenage years hating the way I looked but when I reached thirty, somehow I learned to appreciate my body as it was and valued more of what I had accomplished and was capable of doing. I thought it might be the after effect of the show "Ugly Betty" which I used to watch religiously until I sold my TV in favor of a wall projector. "Ugly Betty" (who is not that ugly really) is about an ugly girl who ventured successfully through the glamorous fashion world solely with a good heart, bravery, and a huge brain. I still watch "Ugly Betty" but in small clips through YouTube. One day while searching for something to watch, I stumbled upon Salma Hayek’s interview on The David Letterman Show. Salma, who is the executive director of "Ugly Betty" told Letterman that she used to pray to God for bigger breasts, "I prayed for the miracle that I wanted to happen. I put my hands in holy water and said, 'Please God, give me some breasts!'"

And God has provided, obviously.

My first reaction was that I wished Buddha was as cool as Jesus.  Then I think I hit a midlife crisis. I looked at my surfboard body and started to panic. I pondered if there was such thing as an instant baptism. Even if it was possible, I still feared that the priest wouldn’t take my reason seriously.  Then I looked back on my past twenty years of misery; boys treating me badly, my tank top constantly coming down, my awkward feelings during swim class, to name a few experiences. If I were to live in the Stone Age and people had to decide whom to kill, a girl with enormous breasts or me, fortunately for those people, I would be an easy answer that required no brainstorming or recount. Small breasts were viewed as unfit for motherhood although my doctor told me that it has nothing to do with quality or amount of breast milk production. It is sad and unfair what I and other fellow small breasted women have been through. Small breasted women need affirmative action and better jobs. After all, we can’t choose to be naturally top heavy.

But how can I prove it? I decided to do some small social experiments. I posted two classified ads on Craigslist using my photos; one is my normal picture and another one with my head Photoshoped on a big breasted body. To keep the story flowing, I chose Salma Hayek’s body.  Craiglist prevents users from putting similar ads in the same market, so I had to put one ad in New York & another in Chicago. I tried to use identical language but I had to keep it different enough so that Craigslist’s software didn’t detect and block it. Here is what I posted:

(From Craigslist New York City)(My Photo with big breasts)
Girl needs a room
Hello! I just moved from Thailand & I need a room. Anything will do. I don't have a lot of money & I’m willing to work for room & food. I'm a nice, hard working girl.

(From Craigslist Chicago)(My normal photo--flat breast)
Do you have a room for hard working Thai girl who doesn’t have a lot of money? I’m willing to clean or do anything for the room and food. I work hard and nice.

Now, bear in mind that I did this the night before Thanksgiving so my timing is not quite perfect.  The next morning I woke up with the message from Craigslist that my big boobs ad was removed by the Craiglist community. I am not sure whether it was removed because someone noticed it was Salma Hayek’s body or because I looked too sexually attractive. However I did receive ten email responses for the big boobs ad. The responders were eight men, one woman, and one couple. The response ranged from normal replies to a heartfelt helpful male who wanted to share a room with me. Some offered me a totally free room (with a note that it is intimate living situation), some offered to find me a job & pay rent when I have some money, one mentioned that he has a water bed and mirror on the ceiling, and one man boldly wrote that he is horny. There was a surprise from one women responder, who was concerned about my welfare as a Thai girl in New York. Expectedly, I received only one response from my normal picture ad. It was just one of those regular boring messages from a landlady. While reading my email, it hit me that big breasted women have their own problems. Their lives don’t seem so safe to me. I began to empathize with their teenage problems; boys constantly staring at them, their nipples often flowing out of tube tops, and their discomfort during gym class, to imagine a few. What I learned from this experiment is that we all have our own problems and insecurities. What "Ugly Betty" and Salma Hayek tried to tell me is that with a good heart and non-stop ambition I can win it all. However, for now, this weekend, I will be at the mall hunting for Wonder Bras.

Originally posted to siamese buckaroo on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 09:57 AM PDT.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

  •  I read somewhere that McDonalds... (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    dolphin777, El Tomaso

    "Golden Arches" were intentionally shaped like breasts.

    I will not stop agitating until We have our country back.

    by David Kroning on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:01:39 AM PDT

  •  That was fun. Our DIL is Thai , but (4+ / 0-)

    is usually as serious as a heart atack. You mean , "you people" are not all alike , LOL?

  •  very cool read, and a nice change from (5+ / 0-)

    desperate politics.  As a guy , well, I can only add that the women I have known well have all confirmed that when it comes to physical characteristics and societal reactions,  each curse can be a blessing and each blessing can be a curse. Perhaps it is so with all things.  I hope you find what's best for you  at the mall.  :-)  R

  •  not sure if I can laugh or not (7+ / 0-)

    but that was funny and serious at the same time. Good stuff.

    After taking several readings, I'm surprised to find my mind is still fairly sound. Willie Nelson

    by cactusflinthead on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:08:34 AM PDT

  •  Adipose tissue evidently does matter.... (5+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    shpilk, Ice Blue, dolphin777, BYw, browneyes

    Hey, I'm a guy.  Some guys have six pack abs...I have keg.

    It is unfortunate that the human condition causes us to become paramountly focused upon such accouterments as breasts and abdomens.

    I am happily married to a beautiful wife.  We have been married for 40 years now.  Her breasts are perfect.  When she breastfed our children, I noted that I loved the cute little containers that mother's milk comes in.

    May God Bless our troops wherever they are. Best regards, El Tomaso

    by El Tomaso on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:10:51 AM PDT

  •  One observation (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Ice Blue, dolphin777, El Tomaso, browneyes

    On my plastic surgery ward, women who have augmentations are much more likely to be argumentative, surly, difficult patients, women having reductions are pleasant, happy and grateful for the procedure.

    for what it is worth.....

    Those who hear not the music-think the dancers mad

    by Eiron on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:18:32 AM PDT

    •  HUH? (0+ / 0-)

      So...wanting larger breasts = bad person
      wanting smaller breasts = good person?

      The problem with Us vs. Them...there IS no Them.

      by Maori on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:24:41 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  Eiron and I usually disagree on everything (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Eiron, dolphin777, browneyes

        but I think he meant that those who are getting their breasts reduced are looking forward to having less back pain, no longer having breasts that reach their navels or having to buy bras with major structural elements.  There is a real medical need for some women. I suspect they tend to be older.  I know I am looking forward to the magical day when we've finished having children and the youngest is weaned and I can get the surgery.   My back will stop hurting, it will be easier to exercise.  

        Unless one has had a mastectomy, there is no medical need for a breast enhancement.  None.  I suspect some of those women (and I bet they are younger than the average breast reduction candidate) have other issues in their lives besides the breasts.

        How did I live without him?

        by Pumpkinlove on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:44:43 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

      •  No, not really (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        browneyes

        There are counter-examples, but, you may derive your own inferences, of course.  

        At the risk of over generalizing, most women seeking reductions are seeking relief from physical pain and discomfort, and women seeking augmentation are hoping for an improved psychological outcome.  

        The source of the problem in the former is more specifically addressed, in the latter, more multi-focal.

        Those who hear not the music-think the dancers mad

        by Eiron on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:45:32 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Well, (0+ / 0-)

          I just wanted some clarification, because I'm just noticing a lot of prejudice toward women who want, or have had breast augmentation, like myself.
          I just find it a bit ironic, and a tad hypocritical, that the "pro-choice" crowd, would draw the line at body modification. So basically, I can "choose" to have an abortion, without aspersions being cast upon my temperament, or psychological health, but I can't choose to have larger breasts...got it, I guess feminism has come full circle.

          The problem with Us vs. Them...there IS no Them.

          by Maori on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 02:00:42 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

    •  Grateful for the relief! (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      BYw, browneyes

      Those things are heavy!

      How did I live without him?

      by Pumpkinlove on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:39:14 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  All of this energy wasted on a simple biological (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    dolphin777, El Tomaso, BYw, browneyes

    function. These appendages really have little to do with sexuality, they have everything to do with false expectations. If one could harness all of the pentup sexual energy and fantasy of the world, there would be no energy crisis, at all.

    [where's you pic? ;p]

    "Change doesn't happen from the top down,
    it happens from the bottom up." Barack Obama

    by shpilk on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:21:07 AM PDT

  •  Interesting... (5+ / 0-)

    I know a young woman who had pendulous breasts and was so happy after she had breast reduction surgery.

    She very innocently told me that her breasts are now "perky".  It makes me happy for her.

    Now, if I could just have abdomen reduction surgery and penis augmentation surgery, my life would be much better.  ROFL

    May God Bless our troops wherever they are. Best regards, El Tomaso

    by El Tomaso on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:21:23 AM PDT

  •  Sweet and Thoughtful Diary (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    browneyes

    Recc'd

    You Sacrifice the Thing You Love the Most. I Love My Guitar - Jimi Hendrix

    by jds1978 on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:29:51 AM PDT

  •  ahem . . . Boobs A Lot (4+ / 0-)

    Do you like boobs a lot?(Yes, I like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Really like boobs a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)

    Down in the locker room, Just we boys,
    Beatin' down the locker room, With all that noise,
    Singin' do you like boobs a lot?(You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)

    Do you wear your jock a lot?(Yes, I wear my jock a lot.)
    Got to wear your jock a lot.(Got to wear your jock a lot.)
    Jock a lot, jock a lot.(You gotta wear your jock a lot.)
    Got to wear your jock a lot.(You gotta wear your jock a lot.)

    'Cause, down on the football,Football field,
    You never can tell what a heel can wield,
    So you gotta wear your jock a lot.(You gotta wear your jock a lot.)
    Jock a lot, jock a lot.(You gotta wear your jock a lot.)

    If I had a flag-a-long,(If I had a flag-a-long.)
    If I had a long flag-a-long,If I had a long flag-a-long,
    If you like boobs a lot, tag along
    Bee beep, bop, de boob a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)

    They're big and round, They're all around.
    They're big and round, They're all around.

    (MUSICAL BREAK)

    Do you like boobs a lot?(Yes, I like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Do you like boobs a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)

    Down in the locker room, Just we boys,
    Beatin' down the locker room with all that noise,
    Singin' do you like boobs a lot? (Yes I like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot. (You gotta like boobs a lot.)

    Do you wear your jock a lot?(Yes, I wear my jock a lot.)
    Got to wear your jock a lot.(You gotta wear your jock a lot.)
    Got to wear your jock a lot(You gotta wear your jock a lot.)
    Got to wear your jock a lot.(You gotta wear your jock a lot.)

    'Cause, down on the football, Football field,
    You never can tell what a heel can wield,
    So you gotta wear your jock a lot.(You gotta wear your jock a lot.)
    Jock a lot, jock a lot.(You gotta wear your jock a lot.)

    If I had a flag-a-long,(If I had a flag-a-long.)
    If I had a long flag-a-long, If I had a long flag-a-long,
    If you like boobs a lot, tag along
    Bee beep, bop, de boob a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)
    Boobs a lot, boobs a lot.(You gotta like boobs a lot.)

    They're big and round,
    They're all around.
    They're big and round,
    They're all around.

    by The Holy Modal Rounders (or The Fugs)

    We are easy to manage, a gregarious people/Full of sentiment, clever at machines, and we love our luxuries. - Robinson Jeffers; poet, "Ave Caesar"

    by Uwaine on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:30:31 AM PDT

  •  hey! get a tip jar and don't rec this one! (0+ / 0-)

    seriously. DO NOT REC ME HERE.

    After taking several readings, I'm surprised to find my mind is still fairly sound. Willie Nelson

    by cactusflinthead on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 10:36:17 AM PDT

  •  Tip Jar (5+ / 0-)

    Thank you for reading! :)

  •  Secondary sex characteristics (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    browneyes

    can advantage the attraction of potential mates, but keepin' em is a more complex deal.  

    Those who hear not the music-think the dancers mad

    by Eiron on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 11:31:26 AM PDT

  •  I am an intelligent, well-educated woman. (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Abra Crabcakeya, cactusflinthead

    I just happen to have paid my way through college by doing some underwear/bikini modeling.  Hell, I got through graduate school without loans, so don't mock it!

    On the phone, and in correspondence, I'm treated like the intelligent, well-educated woman that I am.  When I walk in the room and people meet me for the first time, I swear they speak slower and use smaller words!

    Age of maturity? When you're old enough to realize that your parents are actually smarter than you. Obama '08!

    by browneyes on Sat Apr 19, 2008 at 11:39:28 AM PDT

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site