Like many of you, I came into 2008 as a strong supporter of John Edwards. After he dropped out of the race a lot of the interest went out of it for me. I have been undecided for a very long time, and struggling to make up my mind.
I was hoping that by the time the Oregon primary rolled around my Presidential primary vote would be irrelevant, the way it has been in the past. But not this time.
Here in Oregon we vote by mail. My ballot arrived almost a week ago, and it's due on Tuesday, May 20.
Normally I vote immediately and mail my ballot in right away. This year I've been waiting, trying to be sure who my Presidential choice would be. But we've got a few big races downticket in this primary, and I have a business trip coming up on Wednesday May 14. So I've decided that I need to vote before then, so that even if my plane crashes my candidates for the US Senate (Steve Novick) and Attorney General (John Kroger) will still get my vote.
(OK, I know that's a little bit melodramatic. But dammit, this stuff is important.)
I've observed the last few months of primaries with increasing concern. While I see enormous strengths in both remaining Democratic candidates, and I think they'd both be excellent, progressive Presidents, I also see significant downside to both of them, and I fear for the electability of either in November. Having said that, one of them is going to be the standardbearer of the Democratic Party and I'm going to support that person no matter who it is.
Even before Indiana and North Carolina weighed in, it looked more and more like Barack Obama.
He's going to have significantly more delegates when the primary season is over.
He hasn't tried to benefit from the irregularities in Florida and Michigan.
He's the future.
He's smart and brimming with potential.
Unlike Clinton, he is bringing new voters and new Democrats into the political process, and really turning them on. This can only be good.
Having said that, I must add that I have great sisterly (and lawyerly) love for Hillary Clinton, in a primitive, tribal way. I admire and respect her. I have imagined in the past the thrill of voting for her for President. And I think she's smart, qualified, and tough. I just think that she's not the right person for this time. It's possible that her time has passed completely and no one noticed until recently. She remains an immensely talented, hardworking, smart, devoted Democrat (and American) who has a lot to offer. But like most of us, she is not going to be President.
Five years ago this summer my husband and I went to Paris on vacation. One day I strolled into a dress shop on boulevard Haussmann. But once inside I found that the owner did not want to sell me a dress, or even show me any dresses. She deduced immediately that I was an American, and she wanted only to talk to me about Hillary Clinton. Namely, how much she admired Hillary Clinton and hoped that one day Hillary Clinton would be the President of the United States. She asserted that Hillary was intelligent and dynamic (and very attractive for a woman of her age!). Struggling with my schoolgirl French vocabulary from high school and college days that had ended 35 years earlier, I reminded her that Hillary was controversial, that many people did not like her and would never vote for her. She was unmoved. "I would vote for her!" she thundered. So I made a rash promise: I told her that if Hillary ever did run for President, I would vote for Hillary on her behalf.
I've told this story a thousand times and I have always sneaked in a caveat about how I didn't say anything about voting for her in a primary. (Remember, I was an Edwards supporter!) I would certainly vote for her as the nominee. But I can't bring myself to vote for her now.
I take no pleasure or satisfaction in saying that. I'm very uncomfortable with the amount of open contempt that's been expressed about Hillary Clinton in recent weeks and months on the blogs, in the MSM, and elsewhere. I do not share in that. In fact, it appalls me. I vote for the candidate I think is best. Obama's ascendance alone would not be enough to secure my vote. If I thought Hillary Clinton was the better candidate, I would vote for her without a moment's hesitation. But despite my affection and regard for her, she's been pushing me away lately (this gas tax holiday pandering was very bad), and I have concluded that I just can't go there.
What finally sold me was my own argument, but it is an argument I've been making in the context of our US Senate primary in Oregon:
A [Presidential] nomination is not a gold watch for meritorious service at a lower level of government. It is a leap of faith, a wager on the future.
So, just as I choose Steve Novick for US Senate in Oregon, by my own (I might add impeccable) logic I must choose Barack Obama.
Hey Barack (and Steve), don't let me down, OK?