Oklahoma State Senator Andrew Rice is challenging Republican Senator Jim Inhofe, a man bought and sold by big oil, a climate change denier and a proud homophobe. Rice believes in fighting climate change, striving for equality and tolerance, and is firmly against the War in Iraq.
Inhofe's popularity is low in Oklahoma, and in a lean year for Republicans he has never been more vulnerable to a progressive challenger like Rice, but he needs your help.
To donate, go to Andrew's Act Blue page.
PS: I have no connection with the Rice campaign, my words are my own and do not represent the opinions of Andrew Rice or his campaign.
You have to want it.
You have to wake up at the butt-crack of the morning like a common radio DJ, splash that cold, unforgiving water on your face and gulp glass after glass of raw eggs.
Then it's into the garage for 2 straight hours of lightsaber training with my eyes covered with the blast shield -- my trainer insists upon it.
That's just for warm-ups.
I know it's all necessary if I want to get a diary about a Democratic challenger for a Republican Senator on the recommended diaries list. It's not enough that Oklahoma State Senator Andrew Rice is a great guy, and a Kossack too. No, not in silly season. People aren't interested about that.
So it's back into the kitchen, where my trainer hands me a pair of chopsticks and asks me to catch flies with them. I try to suggest that he simply shut his windows, but nothing doing. "Man who catch fly with chopstick can do anything," he said in broken English, which is funny because he's from Weehauken, New Jersey.
My trainer can be tough. He insists my bed is made and my footlocker is organized and locked -- always locked. And he thinks nothing of making me stand for inspection at a moment's notice, showering me with insults and abuse that would make a hardened pirate faint. But such is the price of getting word of a progressive challenger to Sen. Inhofe on the rec list.
Day after long day I carry buckets filled with sloshing water up the steps of my trainer's complex until my shoulder slump from exhaustion. I pound my fist again and again into solid wooden planks, he says to "harden my writing fist." The slightest hint of weakness on my part is an invitation to a blow that I rarely see coming. My head feels like a well-used chopping block.
Even on what little time I have off from my training, I'm sitting at my computer reading previous recommended diaries. What is their secret? What makes these writers so successful? Will I be able to pull this off when it counts? I read and read until my eyes burn from the strain.
More abuse from my trainer. My knees are weak and my mouth is dry, my tongue is clinging to the inside of my cheek. Building up my courage, I ask for just a single cup of water.
He laughs at me, and heaps new insults at me. He turns his back to walk away, and in a flash my arm is wrenched up behind my head.
"If you can't handle my insults, you treacherous dog, then how will you stand the frustration and shame of having yet another diary about a worthy Democratic challenger slide down the bottom of the recent diaries list?!" he shouts at me.
"I don't know!" I scream, knowing he expects an answer.
"If you think the pain of having your arm broken is bad, then you are not ready to get a diary about Andrew Rice on the rec list! I should snap your arm like a twig, you noodle-spined cur!" he choked, twisting my arm back even further.
"No, don't!" I manage to whimper, feeling the pain shoot up and down my back like red-hot razors.
"Then get back to your training!" he shouts, finally letting my arm drop.
We train on past sunset, into the dark of night. I cannot welcome the fall of the sun, because I know it means even harder training on even less energy and stamina. But if I can meet my goal, it will all be worth it.
With my arms burning and my trainer shouting in my ear, I think back to all the times I've tried unsuccessfully to let people know about Andrew Rice's progressive stances -- only to watch with dismay as the diary slips off into oblivion, virtually unnoticed.
My legs pumping furiously, I fight off fainting. I must be determined if I'm going to lend this candidate a hand.
It will all be worth it. All the pain, all the abuse, all the injury... if I can just get the word out.
Exhausted, spent, utterly broken in spirit as well as body, I lose consciousness. Out of the stretching blackness, the figures of my trainers appear. And Hayden Christiansen, too, for some reason.
"Remember your training," they say. "It's time."
"But I'm not ready yet," I say, barely able to form the words.
"You've done all you can. It's up to them now." they say, in encouragement.
Oklahoma State Senator Andrew Rice is challenging Republican Senator Jim Inhofe, a man bought and sold by big oil. Rice believes in fighting climate change, striving for equality and tolerance, and is firmly against the War in Iraq.
Inhofe's popularity is low in Oklahoma, and in a lean year for Republicans he has never been more vulnerable to a progressive challenger like Rice, but he needs your help.
To donate, go to Andrew's Act Blue page.
Now we'll see if my training was worth it.