We've reached day 120 in the continuing hostage crisis...and I thought that I would update the DKos community on the status of negotiations to bring this affair to a peaceful conclusion. Perhaps you have not yet heard the details about the unfolding crisis?
It all started back on 29 December 2007:
"We are thrilled to add Bill Kristol's distinctive voice to our Op-Ed page," said Andrew Rosenthal, editorial page editor at The New York Times. "He is a captivating writer and keen observer of the political landscape. His work will undoubtedly be provocative in this election year."
(Unfortunately, I could not find a handy translation for the obscure English dialect employed by Rosenthal. Apparently, in this tongue the English verb "thrilled" seems to mean something like "profoundly embarrassed," and the adjectives "distinctive," "captivating," and "keen" are best rendered as "annoying," "mediocre" and "pretty much incompetent.")
Mere days after this warning, on 7 January 2008, Kristol carried through on his threat and a segment of the NY Times Op-Ed page was taken into captivity.
According to Red Cross observers, the imprisoned section of the Op-Ed page is holding up relatively well under difficult conditions.
"The biggest challenge so far has been the Op-Ed section's lack of any adequate fact-checking. He desperately needs this treatment to remain a viable source of information," said Deborah Thomas, Red Cross representative for Midtown Manhattan. She continued, "Kristol has refused to comply with repeated requests to allow the Op-Ed page access to accurate facts. We are disturbed, but we will keep trying to supply some bare facts. I mean, we'd also like to get basic standards of logic and literary originality in there too, but we need to start with the fundamentals."
"Look, I don't play 'The Fact Game.' This is my trip, baby, and I'm gonna do it my way. My way, baby," said Kristol in a rambling phone interview with Le Monde. According to Times insiders, Kristol is keeping his section of the Op-Ed section in seclusion deep inside William Safire's former office.
Dr. Hans Martinsen, a noted psychologist and specialist in personality disorders, has been brought on the scene. "This is a tough one. The subject is suffering from an acute case of 'nepotistic delusion' that has convinced him that he is "a talented and thought-provoking author." Martinsen adds, "When a case is this far advanced, it is a really dangerous situation. Who knows what ill-considered subject-matter might pop up next."
Indeed, the doctor's fears appear to be well founded. On Monday, Kristol compelled the Op-Ed page to make ridiculously false statements concerning primary voting and margins of victory. "It made me sick. To see this punk force the captured segment of the Op-Ed section to make these kinds of gross, easily fact-checkable errors. It just breaks my heart," said Op-Ed columnist Bob Herbert on his way to a closed door meeting with other columnists. "I warned Rosenthal about this. And look what it's come to."
For his part, Kristol broke off negotiations again on Tuesday morning. "Enough talking! I'm getting back to my writing. I feel like I want to say something really insightful about Obama again -- and the pigs can try all they want to make me put some basic journalistic integrity in the article -- let them try. This section of the Op-Ed page is on a fact-free diet and it's gonna stay that way, baby."
The hostage crisis continues...