Disclaimer: I'm not sure if "snark" is the right word for this - the events outlined in this diary have not actually happened, but if they did, I don't think the reactions would actually be too different than hypothesized here. So here we go:
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By now we've all heard how, at a press conference yesterday, Hilary Clinton killed, skullfucked, and cannibalized a cute defenseless infant. I have collected some of the reactions from her campaign, supporters, and the media.
We'll start by taking a look at some of the reaction in the blogosphere. Taylor Marsh had this to say:
Has it occurred to any of the so-called dons of the media establishment who are making such a stink about this that Hillary had to eat a baby because she was hungry? Do these people really have no idea how misogynistic males in our society drive women, even accomplished, educated women like Hillary Clinton, to starve themselves with eating disorders? Are they really that disconnected when they tisk-tisk all day about this baby eating, as though if Hillary isn't taking care of a baby she is worthless as a woman?
Meanwhile here was a post at MyDD:
are you fukking serious?? I am definitely voting for McCain now. The way that Chris Matthews and DailyKos kept talking about this non-incident over and over... rrrrrrr it makes me hate Obama sooooooooooo much!!!!!!
- ngrybtch
I found this exchange between Chris Matthews and Mark Penn on Hardball to be quite interesting:
Matthews: Maork Penn, don't you think this baby eating will turn off African Americans and young voters?
Penn: You know, Chris, I'm not too worried how people in Africa see this. Also, baby eaters are a significant demographic in several swing states - you can read about it in my book Microtrends. They are right there on page 173 between 'Water Cooler Vixens' and 'Tuesday Trannies'.
Matthews: No, back up, I'm talking about African Americans, you know, black people in this country, not people in Africa. And you know, also young people, voters under 35 or whatever, Hillary has not won these groups.
Penn: Chris, my job is to understand America, and if there were black people or young people under 35 here, you'd think I would be the first to know that! But there's not, so we're not worried.
An article in the Washington Post explored the political ramifications:
The most important question following the baby eating incident, both campaigns agree, is how it will be viewed among the white voters who Mr. Obama has had trouble winning over. Cletus Spuckler of Danville, Ky, a father of, in his words, "too many keeeids to count," who lives in a trailer in a small Appalachian town and is therefore perfectly representative of the 200 million white people in the United States, said that the incident did not diminish his lukewarm support for Ms. Clinton or his disdain for Mr. Obama. I like the way that when she skullfucked the baby, she used a giant black dildo, to show what will happen to us if that Osama Obama Hussein boy is elected, Mr. Spuckler said.
In superdelegate land, Nancy Pelosi, interviewed on PBS's NewsHour, was more circumspect:
Interviewer: Do you think that the baby eating from yesterday will effect your decision to remain neutral?
Pelosi: Obvously, we will be united aound the nominee, whoever that is, by the time of the convention in Denver.
Finally, Obama himself was, as ever, unfazed:
Senator Clinton has run a great campaign, and I'm not going to play gotcha with some remarks at a press conference