I used to get extremely angry about Memorial Day.
Ever since I got back I thought Memorial Day ought to be banned, especially after I saw a news blurb where a reporter wandered around an American city asking people what Memorial Day was for, and half the interviewees got it wrong.
What's so funny about Memorial Day is that the people its supposed to celebrate can't actually celebrate it - they're dead after all. Its like Veterans Day - the people who truly deserve a day off can't have that day off because they're on duty.
But the rest of America? They get those days off. Life truly isn't fair.
I wish I knew what other veterans think about Memorial Day. I talk with active duty soldiers frequently but what we think or feel never really comes up - not about the war, about the country we served or are serving; its just too personal. Which is why I suspect I'm having such a hard time finding diary entries about it from other veterans.
How do I feel about Memorial Day? I feel thankful. Not a single soldier I was in charge of in my infantry squad was a casualty. They all made it back. I laugh and shake my head thinking about how ridiculously lucky we were. To walk away from being "in contact" and bombs going off with just our ears ringing is well, like winning the ultimate lottery. Several times.
There will be no barbecue. No grilling. No weekend trip. I haven't done so for the last 4 years. I'll spend the day reading and listening to as many stories as I can. Unfortunately I do know soldiers who have died, and I wonder what George or Jason would want me to remember about them. Would they want me to spend this day in solemn remembrance, or would they want me to crack open a cold one and lean back in the lawnchair? Knowing George, most likely the latter.
I'm not angry about how most Americans spend this day anymore. You're supposed to spend it remembering a fallen servicemember, but that's an impossible and unfair request to make of millions of US citizens. How are you supposed to remember someone you never knew?