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If Sen Clinton wants to do some spectacularly unexpected work for her country, her concession speech would read somewhat as follows:

My Fellow Americans, today I bring to an honorable conclusion the campaign for the Presidency that I began with such a serene sense of entitlement so long ago. In delegates, popular vote, number of individual contributors and number of states won, Sen Obama's lead is indisputable. I am happy to see him as our nominee and will vigorously support him as he goes forth to defeat the Third Bush Term under the dubious and superannuated patronage of Sen John McCain.

When I began, I could not have known that the best campaign of the 20th century would not prove adequate to the 21st; that the consultant-driven swing-state-only calculus of the last two Democratic presidential defeats would be overthrown; or that the American people's disgust at a dishonest, tragic, savage, pointless and mismanaged war would require a stronger peace policy than I was initially prepared to follow.

But there is no dishonor in having one historic campaign that sought to place the first woman in the White House find itself overwhelmed by another placing the first black man in the White House. The Democratic party has customarily been the party of city dwellers, of all women and of those racial and social minorities who are not rich, and of those who believe that government may aid the common people a little more easily than it may harm them. It should therefore be no surprise that two of the most faithful forces in the party were represented by conflicting candidates, nor that the outcome is followed by inevitable unification behind the winner.

Not since Democratic House Majority Whip Tip O'Neill and Party Chairman Robert Strauss agreed in the aftermath of the 1972 convention that they would sit on their hands in disdain for the anti-war nominee, Sen McGovern, have the Democrats had to deal with serious internal divisions and desertions among its leadership for the fall elections. And the party will not have to deal with it this year, either, if my best efforts have anything to do with it.

In addition I shall, of course, be on call for Sen Obama to make any campaign swings he wants to assign me to. The importance of a Democratic victory for the Presidency, and attainment of increased majorities in the Senate and House, cannot be overstated, especially in the face of an economy in distress, an environment in crises, a military torn apart by bad planning and strategic madness and a Constitution in need of restoration.

In fact, in order to assist the American people in understanding the enormous philosophical differences between the Republicans and the Democrats, and to push the platform committee in the direction of unrestrained progressivism, I will throw myself into the Senate's work in order to urge the following legislative agenda in the remainder of the 110th Congress.

A bill to try President Bush, Vice President Cheney and Secretary of State Rice and former Defense Secretary Rumsfeld for war crimes on the grounds of  authorization of torture and of illegal wiretapping, using Pentagon funds to hire TV talking heads, destruction of email and deliberate and continuous lying to legislative bodies appropriating funds for war.

A bill to evacuate all US military, civilian, contractor and covert personnel from Iraq immediately.

A bill to direct the Sergeant at Arms of the Senate to arrest any person, in office or out, who has refused to honor a subpoena of a Senate Committee or has otherwise been voted by the Senate as in contempt of Congress, the arrestees to be housed in the District of Columbia Jail until they have purged their contempt by full and honest testimony.

A bill to establish single-payer healthcare for every citizen of the United States.

A bill to augment the Supreme Court by two members to a size of 11 Justices. (This seems to me preferable to impeachment hearings for Mr Chief Justice Roberts, Mr Justice Alito and Mr Justice Thomas on the grounds of perjury at their confirmation hearings. Highly demonstrable in each case, their perjury remains a wound upon the body politic, but the limited time in which to deal with higher treason makes such a gesture untimely.)

A bill to accept the Territory of Ellingtonia as the 51st State as soon as the Mayor and City Council of the District of Columbia form the Territory and write a Territorial Constitution excluding a rectangle surrounding the White House, the Mall and the Capitol/Supreme Court complex, which shall remain as the voteless, stateless District of Columbia.

A bill to increase expenditure for the Census so that proper statistical probability exercises may be conducted to ensure the most accurate national, state and local population figures possible.

A bill to criminalize the cultivation, storage, curing, transportation, sale, manufacture, advertising, import, export and packaging of tobacco, tobacco derivatives, tobacco products and tobacco residues anywhere in the US, or the financing, management or corporate oversight of the same.

A bill to draft all firearm owners into state militias requiring weekly drills to perform cleanups of public streams, right of ways and areas, and to tax all privately-held ammunition, whether manufactured or home-made, at a rate of $500,000 per bullet.

A motion in the caucus to strip Sen Lieberman, and any other Democratic Senator who has endorsed or will endorse anyone other than a Democrat for President, of his committee chairmanships.

The labor of pursuing this legislative agenda will constitute my reparation for the slash-and-burn, Tonya-Harding-esq campaign I conducted since my defeat became obvious when I failed to dominate Super Tuesday. With it I throw off the cloak with which I have besmirched feminism by allying it with cautious centrism that has so long impeded my growth and usefulness as a progressive force within the Democratic party. No longer shall I coast along on the coattails of my more daring colleagues; instead I shall inspire and challenge them.

I have told Sen Obama that I have no desire for the Vice Presidency, nor do I wish to constrain his choice to someone favorable to my candidacy. As the duly elected leader of the party Sen Obama is entitled to whomever he chooses, and I will be honored to support the entire ticket most enthusiastically. Furthermore, I do not want the Democratic Party to repay the campaign debts I amassed, given my ability to earn their coverage subsequent to the election. I want every possible Democratic dollar aimed at defeating the Republicans, and my personal credit can wait until that is accomplished.

Finally, I must thank my friends who believed in me. We must never forget that our dedication to Democratic principles of fairness, equality and inclusion is lifelong, not limited to any one campaign or candidate, and will continue to sustain us in defeat as it encourages us in victory.

Originally posted to slangist on Wed Jun 04, 2008 at 10:27 PM PDT.

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