For weeks now, I have read the liberal rantings of the leftwing propagandists who infest this site trying to diminish the sheer political genius that is...John McCain. And for weeks I have waited for some anonymous patriot, some knight clad in red, white and blue to come to the defense of such a great and brilliant man. But alas, none came. So I will arise to the duty called, wield the torch that will light the way and help guide you all to the sacred yet seemingly undiscovered truth.
April 14th, 2006. It was a clear-skied and crisp day in the nation's capital. And as our glorious leader George W. Bush stood at his podium, nestled amongst the magnolias of the west garden, he spoke these amazing words...
I listen to all voices, but mine is the final decision, and Don Rumsfeld is doing a fine job. He's not only transforming the military, he's fighting a war on terror. He's helping us fight a war on terror. I have strong confidence in Don Rumsfeld.
I hear the voices, and I read the front page, and I know the speculation. But I'm
the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense.
To isolate just a single important word from such an eloquent and precise statement is a monumental task, but one that is crucial in the argument I present. Decider. Clearly, "W" is that. He will, with no fear, hesitation or forethought, decide what his gut tells him. Even if all logic and common sense oppose him, he stays steadfast to his conviction that to waver, even if you are wrong, is weakness. So yes, President Bush is the decider. But John McCain? He is the SUPER DECIDER.
In all of history, no man is as great a decider as John McCain. Ask him ANYTHING and he will give you an answer, sincere and straight from his heroic heart. Will his answer differ from others he's given in the past in response to the same question? Very probably. Why? Because John McCain doesn't live in the past, he dwells in the now. The past is for freedom-haters and leftist nutjobs. John McCain has such a disdain for the past that he doesn't even remember it. Literally, he doesn't remember anything before this very moment. Well, except that he was a POW which he will continue to mention over and over and over again during each of his warm and inspiring public addresses. President-to-be McCain does not feel bound by some outdated notion of "consistency", some previous debate response, or what he said five minutes ago. He will take the stance that suits him at that moment and no other. John stands so firm on this ideal, he was willing to even publicly debate HIMSELF for the whole world to see. Some would call this showing off, but I say NAY, for John McCain knows that when you are the best decider in the world, only yourself is worthy to be an adversary. Witness his spectacular feat...
Clearly, John McCain won that debate.
Which is why I have a proposal for John McCain. He should hold a series of ten townhall debates, one a week for the next ten weeks. Each debate will star John McCain arguing BOTH sides of the issues most important to the voters, since he takes two sides on all of them. He will have the oppurtunity to argue for AND against; privatization of social security, meeting with foreign leaders, maintaining of Bush's tax cuts, legal torture, habeus corpus for detainees, nation building, guest worker programs, veteran benefits, etc., each brilliant retort followed by the infinitely clever statement "and that's not change you can believe in!" His greatness will then be evident to all.
For John McCain has no more use for the past than he does for wives who are less attractive than the day he married them. Which is why he will throw BOTH of them to the curb and upgrade...to the future. Well, and a hotter wife.