From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Sneak peak at an early draft of Ken Burns' upcoming documentary, The Bloggers:
[MUSIC UP: Plaintive fiddle tune]
[VOICEOVER by John Cusack:]
My Dearest Rosemary,
It has been three days since I joined my fellow bloggers in the battle against the army of the Associated Press. Though we struggle with hunger and aching wrists, our spirits are high. Our scouts in the field say the "Apes" are weak-willed, and infighting among their lawyers and executives may cause them to fall back to safer ground. Were this to come to pass, my dearest darling, I might be able to leave this lonely outpost and hasten my return to your loving arms---"good Lord willing and the creek don’t rise" as we say out here.
Still, it is difficult to surmise what the Apes will do next. They have thus far acted impulsively, engaging and retreating with neither pattern nor discipline. At night we squint in the darkness and see occasional signs of movement. Most times it is a dog or a small child wandering by, asking for food or a bedtime story. We have no time to dispense such amenities, and so we impatiently wave them on to the next encampment. It is a sad, cruel thing, this war.
The minutes pass like hours, my blossom petal, and with every moment my loathing of this accursed conflict deepens. I am able to sleep for mere minutes at a time, but when I do I dream of your beauty---your hair like honeydew, your lips like wine (from a bottle, not a box), your dimples like fleshy indentations of some sort, and your heaving breasts which I hold in the highest regard because, well, they're heaving breasts.
I pray for a speedy end to this accursed conflict---the capitulation of the AP---and I look forward to again holding you in my arms. Please see that the livestock are well fed as we will need their hides and flesh over the winter. All my love to Petunia and Little James.
Your most faithful husband, lover and friend, pookiesparkler199
[TRANSITION EFFECT]
[MUSIC UP: Plaintive tune on hammered dulcimer]
[VOICEOVER by Glenn Close:]
Dear Stanley...I mean, "Pookiesparkler": I'm going to bed. When you're finished down there you can feed the cats---sorry, "livestock"---yourself and then take out the garbage. There's also a message from your boss on the machine. He sounds pissed. You're really pushing it this time, buster.
---R
Coming this fall to PBS.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, June 19, 2008
Note: I think the next justice on the Supreme Court should be a child. They are so underrepresented.
-
By the Numbers:
Days 'til The Netroots Nation convention in Austin July 17-20: 23
Days `til the Bangor State Fair: 36
Bush's approval rating in the latest Harris poll: 24%
Percent of the 1,100 jobs under President Bush's direct control that are currently vacant or filled by temporary employees: 56%
(Source: The Washington Post via The Week)
Acres of forest in the U.S. that are eliminated every day due to development: 6,000
(Source: U.S. Forest Service via the Portland Press Herald)
Acres of farmland affected by the flooding in the midwest: 5 million
(Source: NBC News)
Percent of the Greek alphabet our cat has memorized: 0%
-
Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
On the few occasions when Bush does directly encounter the down-and-out, he seems to empathize. But then, in what is becoming a recurring, almost nightmare-type scenario, the minute he visits some constructive program and praises it (AmeriCorps, the Boys and Girls Club, job training), he turns around and cuts the budget for it. It's the kiss of death if the president comes to praise your program. During the presidential debate in Boston in 2000, Bush said, "First and foremost, we've got to make sure we fully fund LIHEAP [the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program], which is a way to help low-income folks, particularly here in the East, pay their high fuel bills." He then sliced $300 million out of that sucker, even as people were dying of hypothermia, or, to put it bluntly, freezing to death.
---November, 2003
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: Bad kitty!
-
CHEERS to movement in Maine. Hey kids, you want some good news? Looks like things are starting to swing Congressman Tom Allen's way in our U.S. Senate race, according to Rasmussen:
Senator Susan Collins’ lead in her bid for reelection in Maine continues to fade, according to the latest Rasmussen Reports telephone survey. Two months ago Collins led her Democratic challenger Tom Allen by 16 percentage points, but that spread fell to 10 points in May. Now her lead is down to seven points, 49% to 42%, dropping her below 50% for the first time and putting her among the Republican senators at risk this November.
Americablog has more analysis. Oh, and Obama is now beating McCain up here...by 22 points. Okay, so maybe he'll only need a 49-state strategy.
JEERS to marbles long lost. This will come as no surprise to any of us, but it's worth tossing into the time capsule. In short, Donald Rumsfeld is a very bad man:
Rumsfeld signed a December 2002 memo approving techniques such as threatening prisoners with dogs and forcing them to stand for prolonged periods. "I stand for 8-10 hours a day. Why is standing limited to 4 hours?" Rumsfeld wrote on the memo, according to [Senator Carl] Levin. ... "When Secretary Rumsfeld approved the use of abusive techniques against detainees, he unleashed a virus which ultimately infected interrogation operations conducted by the U.S. military in Afghanistan and Iraq," Levin said. A former Pentagon official told the panel Rumsfeld wanted the military to conduct interrogations because he envied other agencies.
It won’t help Rummy, either, that a two-star general just branded the Bush administration a big fat stinking fetid festering vile disgusting hive of war criminals. I added the word "fetid" to his description. It seemed too tame without it.
CHEERS to the funniest joke of the week: President Bush and John McCain walk up to a live microphone and demand that Congress and the public go along with a huge expansion in offshore oil drilling. Ba-dum-bum! Need a towel to clean off your keyboard?
CHEERS to great moments in freedom. On June 19, 1862, slavery was outlawed in the federal territories of 'Murica. For such a groundbreaking event, the language was amazingly simple:
"Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled, That from and after the passage of this act there shall be neither slavery nor involuntary servitude in any of the Territories of the United States now existing, or which may at any time hereafter be formed or acquired by the United States, otherwise than in punishment of crimes whereof the party shall have been duly convicted.
The most unbelievable part of the legislation? No earmarks.
-
-
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Chris at Americablog asks: Will airline luggage policies cause even more problems?
Yup.
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda... GONG!!!
-
-
CHEERS to making a healthy ruckus. Today's the day of the big protest in San Francisco and other cities around the country for universal health care. From the Orange County Register:
DeAnn McEwen, a 57-year-old nurse from Cypress, will travel to San Francisco on Thursday to protest at an insurance industry convention in support of universal health care. McEwen sees rallies and protests as an extension of her job treating critical care patients at Long Beach Memorial Medical Center. She will demonstrate at the American Health Insurance Plans convention on behalf of the California Nurses Association.
Q: What do you hope this protest will accomplish?
A: People are suffering and dying. These are people that have insurance. They're being sold a defective product. A single-payer system is really the only way we're going to insure all Americans have affordable health care. Since when is caring for one another socialism?
All the details you need about the event are here. One of Daily Kos's top health-care bloggers, nyceve, will be at the San Francisco event. Wear your sunblock, people. (I can't believe I still have to remind 'em...)
JEERS to toothless tigers. On June 19, 1934, the Federal Communications Commission was created. If memory serves, they used to have some sort of function in making sure the airwaves were being used in the best interest of We The People. But their biggest job today seems to be stopping cuss words and looking for errant boobie exposure (i.e. wardrobe malfunctions---"Whoops!"). Do they even show up for work anymore?
JEERS to scholastic success...if by success you mean failure. Says here that the new SAT format your kids have been following is no better than the old kind you took. Which reminds me: have you ever had that dream where you "wake up" and realize you're late for your SATs...but you don’t know which building it's in, so you run from building to building, and the last building is the right building but you took so much time looking for it that the test is over and all the other kids are gone and you're standing there all alone and the vending machine is out of Chuckles? Yeah...uh, me neither.
CHEERS to leveling the playing field. Forty four years ago today, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved by the Senate---73-27---after making it through a 75-day filibuster:
"One hundred and eighty-eight years ago this week a small band of valiant men began a long struggle for freedom," [President Lyndon] Johnson told the nation. "Now our generation of Americans has been called on to continue the unending search for justice within our own borders." The analogy was unmistakable. The president was comparing the work of the Founding Fathers with that of the civil rights movement.
Martin Luther King, who was present at the White House signing ceremony, also had no doubts about the significance of the day or about Lyndon Johnson's role in making the civil rights bill law. "It was a great moment," King declared, "something like the signing of the Emancipation Proclamation by Abraham Lincoln."
Get a load of this: 73 – 27 = 46...Obama's age! Therefore it's only logical to conclude that Barack Obama is both the Founding Fathers and Abraham Lincoln rolled into one visionary giant among men!! (Oh, I should explain: I like to put a statement like that in every C&J as troll control---it makes their heads explode.)
CHEERS to a swift kick in the pants. The world rolled its eyes this week when it was discovered that the Taliban had taken over a bunch of key villages in the Arghandab district of Afghanistan. Not to worry, because coalition forces went in and chased the evildoers' outta there. The yellow-belly poppy lovers ran and ran and ran like little babies hopped up on caffeine in a baby-running contest. That's right, you cowardly cowards, run run run and take your baby slingshots and peashooters with you and just run and run and run and keep running 'til you can't run no more, you pathetic bunch of sissies with your body odor and your crazy eyes and... S'cuse me, I'll continue in a second. Someone's at the door. Who the hell could that be at this hour? They sound out of breath...
-
One Year Ago in C&J: June 19, 2007...
CHEERS to McClatchy news service. Formerly Knight-Ridder, these guys embody old-fashioned shoe leather journalism better than anyone in the "traditional media." And, to all our benefit, they've just launched a spiffy new web site where you can see what "fair and balanced" really means (and they snagged Dave Barry, too!) Bookmark it and give 'em lots of clicks. Good behavior should be rewarded.
-
And just one more...
CHEERS to divine inspiration. The only seven words that could get me more excited than Hey Bill, your stripper's at the door is, Lewis Black has a new book out. Yippee:
What do we believe? And for God's sake why?
Those are the thorny questions that Lewis Black, the bitingly funny comedian, social critic, and best selling author, tackles in his new book, Me of Little Faith. And he’s come up with some answers. Or at least his answers. In more than two dozen essays that investigate everything from the differences between how Christians and Jews celebrate their holidays, to the politics of faith, to people's individual search for transcendence, Black explores his unique odyssey through religion and belief.
His web site for the book has a bunch of righteous video rants. And in its first week, Me of Little Faith is already a New York Times bestseller. Somebody up there must like him.
-
And another thing, Mr. Preznit: quit stealin' my act. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Bill in Portland Maine cursed my life."
---Diane Griffin
Parrothead
-