RIP to the 2nd amendment as of today; go out and get them bazookas! On second thought, a bazooka may bit big for me; I'm only 5'2", you know. Better make mine a sawed - off shot gun. And, barring a miracle of biblical proportions, we all can bid a fond farewell to the 4th amendment shortly after the celebration of our...um...gee...independence from a power that was doing the stuff to us that said amendment would try to protect us from later on. Irony's faboo!
But, let's all look on the bright side. Tomorrow is Friday, and George Carlin's talking about pulling underwear out of your hind quarters as I type this! Yes, I own all the DVDs of the HBO shows, but you can never have enough George.
So, on to tonight's Countdown diary!
#5 "Polling Ahead" AKA "Unity Now" AKA "Camp Pain ‘08" AKA "Mind the GOP" - Gang, we cannot afford to relax about these "swing state" numbers. I’m getting sick and tired of all these stinkin’ polls! Polls mean exactly jack $hit these days. The GOP and their "surrogates" have plenty of time to get more ugly than they already have been to go after those "low information" voters. I wonder how much it pained Michelle Obama to "make nice" about Senator Clinton today? Yes, Mrs. Obama is a smart classy lady, but c’mon, she’s human, too! May I just say that blue is absolutely Richard Wolffe’s color?! OK...no more "smut" – maybe. ;)Senator Clinton expects Senator Obama to send an email to his email list to help her pay off HER DEBT?! Let her send it her own damn self! I’d look forward to receiving it just so I could say "Nerts!" to her. I know we’re supposed to be "unifying," but for f*ck’s sake... "Republicans" may not hate Senator Obama, but their "surrogates" do. And, Senator McCentury won’t do anything to reel them in.
#4 "Axis of Appeasement" AKA "Look Who’s Talking" AKA "Speaking with the Enemy" - I’m confused; are we appeasers or not since we’ve made nice with North Korea? I’m waxing back to Team America with all these Kim Jung Il pictures. This administration is full of hypocrites? Damn, I had no idea; where the heck have I been? What diplomacy school did GWB go to? He obviously flunked out. The dark evil part of my brain is wondering if this "appeasement" is a racial thing. We can’t be seen negotiating with Muslims; they attacked us on 9/11 ya’ know, but "negotiating" with North Koreans is OK?
BUSHED! "Rigging the Election – Gate" - We don’t need no stinkin’ balanced funding! Only the rich need run for office, I guess. "More Oil Drilling – Gate" - You mean all that oil under the ocean ain’t gonna do diddly poo for gas prices? Damn. "Support the Troops – Gate" - PFC Stevens hasn’t gotten Army pay or benefits? Thank you for serving your country, now here’s the nearest homeless shelter! Once again, there’s a world of difference between supporting the troops and supporting the war; GWB & his ilk support the war.
**"Put your buttocks against the window (during high school graduation), and I’ll know you are home." And, ‘tis the season for blowin’ $hit up! Hugh Hewitt thinks football will end with a Senator Obama victory? Golly.**
#3 "The Terror Card" - "Black Humor" - Where oh where has Charlie Black gone? Oh, where oh where can he be? What happened to that smart alecky Dennis Miller of "Weekend Update" days? I miss him. Maybe, the guy talking to Dennis has snuff film – esque fantasies of WMDs smuggled in well – endowed ladies’ cleavage. DICK and Justice Scalia would be all over that.
WPITW – I keep forgetting to order Sean Hannity’s white hood and robe. Mr. Bull Snort is going back to what he knows – smacking down GE. Justice Scalia didn’t care about American life today, but he cared about it the other day with the SCOTUS decision granting habeaus corpus to people in Gitmo. Okee – dokee...I bet he and DICK will go hunting to celebrate today’s momentous decision. Take the guy that DICK shot with you just for laughs.
#1 "All the Fun 1/8 the Size" AKA "Pay per Ewww" AKA "Anatomy of a Sex Tape" - I don’t wanna think about Mini Me having mini sex! EEEEEeeeeeWWWWWWwwww! Damn my eyes!! Here’s everyone’s favorite, Michael Musto! Hee...hee...hee...