I didn't sleep very well last night. One of the reasons was that I had gotten the news about the proposed redefinition of contraception to mean abortion. As I'm sure I don't need to tell you, this means that allowing hospitals to refuse to dispense Plan B to rape victims is plausible. "Discriminating" against pharmacists who will not dispense birth control or Plan B will also not be acceptable. As an owner of a pharmacy, say, I couldn't refuse to hire someone who blatantly told me that they didn't believe women should be allowed to take birth control pills. Last night HHS and Bush did nothing less than propose chaos in health care ethics -- the provider has more rights than the patient.
So there I was at 2:30 this morning, trying to get comfortable and fall back asleep. I was not very successful.
Finally, I sat up and contemplated the figure of my sleeping husband next to me. I am proud to go to sleep next to him every night. Oh, he has his flaws. He's a stubborn ass sometimes. He's kind of cheap -- but that's okay, since I spend too much. He thinks I'm bossy and messy and rolls his eyes at my shoe collection. I can't understand why he can't see the dog hair piling up under the couch. He thinks Women's Studies departments at universities are exclusionary and I think they're necessary.
But in no way am I ashamed of the way he exists in the world.
And then, Cindy, and Laura, my mind drifted to you.
I am completely baffled as to how you can sleep next to the men you sleep next to, knowing how they feel about and act on women's rights.
I admit I've only been married for five years. But in those five years we have had to deal with disagreements. I have my ways of getting what I want, but luckily we hardly ever fight. This is because we usually agree. So, let's look at my "Red-State" parents, who have been married for almost 40 years.
My mother is pro-choice but hides it, because my father is pro-life and traditional. My father is oftentimes in charge, but there are some times when my mother draws the line in the sand. And she does this by a particular look. She reserves it for very, very grave infractions. She does not yell. She simply tightens her lips and looks away. It gets my dad every time.
"What?" He'll say.
"Whatever," she'll say.
"You have a problem with that?" he'll say.
"Yes. That is ridiculous and short-sighted," she'll say.
"Hmpf," he'll say. He'll bluster and make sure she "knows" that his point of view is superior.
But guess what? He changes his tune when she's not looking and pretends he always felt that way. Because he respects her viewpoint. And Red or not, he loves his daughter and wife. Imperfectly, but love he does.
So -- I was wondering whether you have these conversations with John and George. Because I don't see any respect for women in their practice of politics.
There are certain things -- the lines in the sand, the non-negotiables -- that would make me and every other woman I know be unable to sleep next to "their man". I -- and probably my Red State mother -- could never sleep, ever, next to a man who was working actively OR passively to revoke women's rights to control the size of their family or to obtain birth control without having Jesus rammed down their throats.
Good for you if all of your pregnancies went smoothly, and without a hitch. But I wonder if one of you have ever had an ectopic pregancy at one point and needed medical intervention, not moralizing. Moralizing isn't going to keep your uterus from exploding, you know. I wonder if you have ever used birth control. If you weren't who you are, would it have been so easy for you to obtain a "pharmacist's consent" to control your own reproductive functions?
Have you lost touch with the fact that most of us are not as medically privileged as you are? Do you think that your doctors would deny you reproductive health care? Or do you just not care anymore because you're past "that age?"
Is that why you can sleep next to a man who doesn't understand or value 52% of the population?
It's okay with you that he thinks that colonialism and missionary preaching are a perfectly valid strategy to international reproductive health issues? Cindy, it's okay with you he called you a cunt?
It must be that you agree...because otherwise, like my mother, you would make your displeasure known; your influence would be not externally noticable, but it would happen.
And if you agree. Well, there is that possibility.
In that case, Cindy and Laura, I see you just as responsible for the perpetuation of gender inequality as the women who bring their daughters to the tribal leader for female genital mutilation. No different than the mothers who bound the feet of their daughters in Imperial China. No different than those mothers who are complicit in honor killings.
Except.
Those women have a weak excuse. They have next to no political rights, rights of assembly, or economic options in their countries.
So, Cindy and Laura. Please tell me how you do it. Because I really, really want to know.