From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Obama Rules
If you're near a supermarket checkout counter this week, keep an eye out for the latest issue of People magazine. It features a flattering cover story on the Obama family:
If [Barack] does make it to the White House, it will be with two of the youngest residents in more than 30 years, since Amy Carter moved in at the age of 9 in 1977. Says presidential historian Doris Kearns Goodwin, who considers the Obama's youthful household to be part of the candidate's allure: "To the extent that Obama's appeal has been to a younger generation, his exuberant children symbolize that hope of a changing guard."
You can read excerpts from their interview---conducted before the on-camera Access Hollywood story raised a few eyebrows---here. But I want to point out something spooky: the rules that govern the Obama household are the exact same ones that govern Daily Kos:
>> No whining, arguing or annoying teasing
>> Make the bed. "Doesn’t have to look good—just throw the sheet over it," says Mom.
>> Keep playroom toy closet clean
>> Set your own alarm clock.
>> Be considerate of how other people might feel. Put yourself in the place of other people.
>> Never think that you're better than anybody else. Or worse than anybody else.
>> If you guys can't decide nicely what program to watch, then you don't get to watch anything.
>> Lights out at 8:30 (but have a grandmother on standby who likes to bend this rule when Mom and Dad aren’t home)
And if you start a comment with "First?" Oh, you are so grounded, pal.
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday July 29, 2008
Note: John McCain is giving older Americans a really bad name. I wonder how long it'll be before he wakes up and finds a severed AARP card in his bed. His scream will be heard for miles.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the first presidential candidates debate at the University of Mississippi: 79
Days `til Talk Like a Pirate Day: 52
Number of the 7,500 retail jobs lost in June that were from car dealerships: 4,800
(Source: Talking Points Memo via The Week)
Final cost of Boston's big dig project, according to overseers, by the time the debt is paid off 30 years from now: $22 billion
Original estimate in the 1980s: $2.6 billion
(Source: Portland Press Herald)
Percent of Democrats, Republicans and Independents, respectively, who believe in hell: 52, 69, 45
(Source: Harper's Index)
High temperature today in Baghdad: 110°
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
The graphics of the handbill and posters, and the choice of Berlin, make this Obama rally really creepy. Since I've just finished reading The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich, I am struck by the similarities between Hitler and Obama in orchestrating this rally. Mercifully (Hopefully) they'll [sic] be no SA folks there to ensure that folks behave.
---Commenter WGPu at The Next Right responding to this stupid post
All together now: One...two...three... Classy!!!
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Well, it must be five o'clock somewhere...
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CHEERS to John McBush. Not only is John McCain a virtual clone of George Bush the Younger (aka the crazy one), he's also becoming a clone of Daddy Bush. First he gets caught looking down at his notes to remember the price of milk the way George I memorably looked at his watch during a 1992 debate (message: "I care!"). Then he gets caught in a classic read-my-lips trap. John McCain on July 7: "Sen. Obama will raise your taxes. I won't." John McCain on July 27: "I don't want tax increases. But that doesn't mean that anything is off the table." Such a careless mistake can only mean one thing: tonight the traditional media will be airing reports on how voters are worried because they don’t know what kind of milk Obama buys (Whole? Two percent? Skim?) or what kind of table Obama owns (Wood? Metal? Ikea?). My fork...it stabbeth me in the eye.
CHEERS to returning fire. Never a dull moment on the editorial pages of the Portland Press Herald (new motto: "For sale: CHEAP!"). Some local yahoo got a column printed recently about how horrible a filibuster-proof Democratic majority would be in the Senate, and how magnificent Susan Collins is when she mounts her white steed (or is that the other way around). Rockport resident Nancy Sullivan isn't buying it:
If you like Bush's presidency, please vote for Collins, and you are sure to get just what you have, including the almost total collapse of the mortgage industry due to almost no regulation or oversight.
[Letter-writer] Mr. Atwood is right on one thing: We would have more of the same by keeping Collins. U.S. Rep. Tom Allen has shown more good judgment in one of his votes (the one against the war) than Susan Collins has shown in the last 10 years.
And then there's poor frightened Marie, who apparently dashed off this letter before heading into her homemade liberal-proof shelter with her 50 cats:
What scares me is Nancy Pelosi. When she and Obama get on the same page, there will be trouble! Both are for a welfare state. They want the taxpayer to support a free health plan, free college, free housing reform and another $1,000 stimulus package. Sen. John McCain is a man of stature. Obama cannot walk in his shoes.
Two thoughts: 1) WTF??? 2) Someone should tell her that Obama's shoe size---13½, no kidding---is a wee bit bigger than McCain's, so of course he couldn’t walk in them. Tomorrow on the op-ed page: a 90 percent chance that you'll see the words "scurrilous" and "seersucker" in the same sentence.
JEERS to silly comparisons. Iranian president Mahmud Oopsicrappedmypants, channeling a Malibu beach bum, says nuclear weapons are "sooooo 20th century, man." Really. Well, let me tell you something, pal: sentencing people to hang for adultery or rethinking their religious beliefs is soooo 17th century. Comma. Asshole.
P.S. Not that the United States has a stranglehold on morality, either. But at least we're compassionate enough to shoot our criminals full 'o drugs or electrocute 'em so that there's a chance the people watching will be treated to a botched execution in which something goes terribly wrong and causes excruciating pain and suffering. Plus, if evidence later proves the victim was innocent, we all get to have a hearty laugh over it. But my point is: shame on Iran.
JEERS to hiring hacks. Not that this will surprise anyone, but the Justice Department confirms that Alberto Gonzales's deputies jeopardized national security by basing hiring decisions on political affiliation. This is so funny I almost forgot to put my fist through a wall when I read it:
Monday's report singles out the department's former White House liaison, Monica Goodling, for violating federal law and Justice Department policy by discriminating against job applicants who weren't Republican or conservative loyalists. ... In one instance, Justice investigators found, Goodling objected to hiring an assistant prosecutor in Washington because "judging from his resume, he appeared to be a liberal Democrat."
In another, she rejected an experienced terror prosecutor to work on counterterror issues at a Justice Department headquarters office "because of his wife's political affiliations," the report found. ... Gonzales was largely unaware of the hiring decisions by two of his most trusted aides. The report said his aides' decisions weeded out Democrats and that Goodling also rejected at least one lesbian job applicant.
Goodling could lose her license to practice her twisted brand of "Vengeful God" law, but naturally her crony superiors in the private sector will take her under their wings and provide her with a good life for the rest of her life. Ain't justice a kick.
CHEERS to the first ringy dingy. On July 29, 1914, transcontinental telephone service began when someone in New York called someone in San Francisco. The conversation ended with the successful sale of a couple hundred bucks worth of term life insurance, a Thighmaster, and a donation to Woodrow Wilson's reelection campaign. Smooth sales rep.
JEERS...again...to cancer. This time it's Bob Novak who's been diagnosed with a brain tumor. We'll just say that we hope he beats it and, in the process, discovers the joys of, say, woodworking or gardening, paving the way for a long, happy retirement with his loved ones. In obscurity.
CHEERS to happy outcomes. It could've been a disaster of epic proportions that knocked John McCain out of the race and resurrected the Giuliani campaign, but a dermatologist removed a benign thingamahoochie from his face yesterday. Not because it was dangerous, but because the mole wouldn't quit screaming, "Hey! Get this creep offa me!" Can't blame it.
JEERS to pessimism in the Pine Tree State. Forgive us, tourists, if we Mainers aren’t smiling a whole lot when you come up for vacation. Things kinda stink around here, thanks to the Bush/McCain economy:
• Ninety-one percent of the Mainers polled said the economy has gotten worse in the past year. Just 8 percent said it's stayed the same and only 1 percent think things have gotten better.
• Only 15 percent think the economy will improve over the next year.
• Three of five Mainers said they're putting less money into savings than they were last year, suggesting household budgets are being drained by high prices for everything from gasoline to bread.
Michael Hillard, an economics professor at the University of Southern Maine, said it's no surprise that Mainers see the economy as a dark cloud without a silver lining. "It's unprecedented unless you go back to the Depression," he said.
So pardon us if we growl at you a little more than usual. If you're from Massachusetts, you probably won’t even notice the difference.
CHEERS to the birthday girl. Seventy two candles on North Carolina Senator Elizabeth Dole's cake today. Just for today, ma'am, we won't remind you of how you ran the NRSC into the ground during your tenure as chairwoman:
The tables were loaded with untouched platters of food as Senator Elizabeth Dole rose this week to introduce her party’s Senate candidate from Nebraska. Sixty people were supposed to be at the fund-raiser, but Mrs. Dole, the host and leader of the Republican effort to hold the Senate this fall, found just 18 people scattered across an expanse of empty carpet.
Oops! How did that slip out?? So sorry, Liddy.
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One Year Ago in C&J: July 29, 2007...
JEERS to Terror Thursday! A strange envelope containing a strange white powder shows up at ABC News! The building is evacuated, but it may be too late! The powder is analyzed and identified as...[Shriek!!!] ... aspirin. I guess the White House should've heeded the latest PDB: "Bin Laden Determined to Thin Americans' Blood."
JEERS to Jay Leno. Sometimes his joke writers are really good, and sometimes they're lazy shits:
Exhibit A: "Next month, right here in Los Angeles, the leading Democratic presidential candidates will hold a gay debate. It will be a televised debate to discuss just gay issues. How much is John Edwards going to spend on his hair for that one? We're looking at a $1,500 haircut."
Exhibit B: "Hillary Clinton is working hard to win the women’s vote; they say her campaign has six full-time staffers just for women’s outreach And another six full-time staffers to keep women out of Bill’s reach."
Mr. monkey, meet Mr. typewriter.
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And just one more...
CHEERS to sneak previews. Someone leaked the trailer for Oliver Stone's upcoming Bush biopic, W, and you can watch it here. It looks superficial, dysfunctional, half-baked, and wafer-thin. So we have reason to believe it'll at least be realistic. C&J Grade: what else, a C.
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Oh, and for those of you keeping score, Atrios says that "In recent polls, McCain has a commanding lead of -6." Heh, indeedy. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Bill in Portland Maine? He's my pal."
---Nicolas Sarkozy
7/25/08
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