NASA reports that a soil sample has identified actual water on Mars. This is tremendously exciting...
John McCain immediately responded by saying "See? We can continue to explore for oil and burn fossil fuels, without fear. When this planet becomes uninhabitable, we can move everyone to Mars and suck on the soil."
McCain added that, unlike Obama, he always knew the Mars Explorer mission would discover water, "if we were patient." According to McCain, Obama wanted to "withdraw from Mars." McCain charged that "Obama would rather win an election than win on Mars".
Senator McCain concluded his remarks by claiming that "Obama's Mars withdrawal plan means surrender to the Soviet Union and the Warsaw Pact." The USSR's last leader, Mikhail Gorbachev, could not be reached for comment as his phone service was disconnected for non-payment.
While it is not clear how this will affect the outcome of the Cold war, today's discovery will force NASA to update their home page, which reports that a liquid lake found on Titan is the only liquid found on another body in the solar system.