I've got news that is going to shock you so hard your spleen will evaporate. It's going to make Michael Phelps's 8 gold medals look as stale as an 80's cereal commercial and eradicate the remaining follicles of Joe Biden's hair. You WILL REMEMBER where you were when you heard this window shattering, firmament shaking, oceanic tidal wave of an announcement. You will feel tingles all over your body like you haven't since the last time you slept sitting up on a greyhound bus. No... this is it folks.
I know who Obama's VP is. I have super duper ultra secret deadly vice squad connections to ultra super secret uberlicious all powerful insiders in Washington. I know shit. Bow down before me.
And I am about to lay it on you thicker than jalapenos on a subway sandwich in Texas. You thought you knew everything about this VP story? Yah? Well suck it. Cuz there's one name that hasn't been touted. One man who is so far off the radar and yet so damned obvious you'll be beating your heads against your keyboards for not thinking of it first.
Markos Moulitsas.
Yah. That's right. Kos. Admit it, you didn't see it coming. And I'm sure you're pretty skeptical. You're just itchin to call me a liar.
Well then, how do you explain the fact that Barack Obama was in San Francisco this Sunday? You know who lives near San Francisco? Kos. And the fact that he was there on a Sunday? We all know Barack Obama is a Christian. Who else would he be meeting with on the Lord's holiest day than his VP choice?
Oh and how about the fact that Kos has his own page on Obama's website? You don't see that happening for Evan Bayh now do you?
But no, some people will never be satisfied. So for you, the ultimate skeptic, I ask you to follow this link www.obamamoulitsas.com
Notice what you see when you click there? A dancing Barack Obama. Would Obama REALLY allow his image to be used unless this were officially cleared by the campaign?
Get ready baby. Kossacks are goin prime time. When Kos is in the white house he's going to mandate high speed internet for every household. Ordinary citizens will be given their own hide rate button which they can carry around and use on people they don't wanna talk to. PIE will become the official food of white house dinners.
Oh yeah. It's gonna be awesome.
-- Update
From CNN:
Moulitsas, known for his cagey rhetoric and three letter moniker, is a surprise choice. Noone was caught more offguard than the Mccain campaign. When asked about the choice at a press conference following today's town hall meeting, Mccain responded "Daily what? You mean people on the internet are real?" After a short interjection by Joe Lieberman, Mccain quickly recovered "The fact that Obama has chosen to pick a veteran with ties to El Salvador is a sign that he has embraced my leadership on immigration policy."
Campaign manager Rick Davis was more pointed:
"The only place they could find a bigger celebrity than Barack Obama was by scouring the most vicious, least credible corners of the internet for a guy who's only credible policy experience is his appearances on Bill Maher. Oh and MSNBC. Clearly this proves once and for all that he and the network are in collusion. As a man who puts his country first, Senator Mccain does not need the votes of gamers, basement dwellers, or anyone who uses the word "pootie" on a daily basis."