In response to Barack Obama successful campaign to get supporters to sign up for breaking news via their cell phones, Arizona Senator John McCain has countered with his own hot-n-sexy, all-the-kids-are-doing-it, is-this-like-on-the-internets? text message initiative.
Text POW to 622246 in order to be reminded that Republican Presumptive nominee John McCain was once A PRISONER OF WAR FOR FIVE YEARS.
Text STOP in order to not have this message sent to you every six minutes, but this will not take effect until at least nine weeks AFTER election day.
Text STAFF to 622246 in order to be the first to help Senator McCain answer simple questions like, "Is your shirt green?", "What's your middle name?", and "Who just farted?"
Text MITTENS to 622242 in order to be the first to see Mit Romney walking Senator McCain's dog, shampooing Senator McCain's carpet, and listening to Cindy McCain complain about poor people in the hopes of becoming Senator McCain's Vice Presidential Nominee.
Text PIMP MI HOWZ! to 622246 in order to find out in which of John McCain's four... er six... um seven... well, eight houses the Senator will be sleeping in this evening.
Text GET OFF ONE OF MY MANY LAWNZ to 622246 in order to be the first to know when the Republican nominee has sold one of those houses in order to try and get within three... er four... um, six... well, seven houses of the rest of America.
Text FREE MEDIA PLEASE to 622242 in order to be the millionth to know that John McCain has released a web-based hit-piece on Senator Obama that they have no intention of actually running in any market more expensive than Fond du Lac, Wisconsin.
Text MY FRIENDS MY FRIENDS MY FRIENDS when your enthusiasm for Senator McCain, my friends, reaches "Kissing Your Sister" levels to be reminded, my friends, of the other terrible choices Republicans could have nominated this year, my friends.
Text WHOLESOME BRAN MUFFIN to 622246 in order to be the first to know if the Senile Senator from the Senior State of Arizona has pooped this week.