I swear I'm not much of a crier. I don't tear up too easily. I didn't even cry when Bambi's mother was shot (I know, I know). So, I definitely don't cry during speeches at a political convention.
No siree, not me. I laugh in the face of such ridiculous, unnecessary, unreasonable- wait, what? Tears? Oh those aren't tears, I just have something in my eye, er, both my eyes.
I mean, sure, Michelle Obama spoke from the heart. No big deal. People do that all the time.
Sure she came across as more genuine and real and strong than all the seasoned politicians put together. Pfffft. So? "Genuine" is the new "elitist", don't ya' know?
Sure, she was articulate and poised, if you're into that sort of thing. Yawn.
That's right, I'm about as movable as a giant boulder. I could give the Grinch a run for his money. Bah! Who needs "emotions"?
She talked about Barack driving her h-home after th-they h-ha-had Malia a-and...I mean she...but I.....n-n-not c-c-c-crying....heart not g-growing to tw-twice the s-s-size.....DAMN IT! Damn it! Damn it!
Now look what you've done, Michelle! My carefully crafted image of cynical detachment, ruined in front of my family and it's all your fault. I hope you're happy. Why did you do that? What? "Clap, clap, point, point" not good enough for you?
Oh and you kids! Shasha and Malia, is it? Especially the little one. Couldn't you just, I don't know, like, not be so damn adorable and family-like? Seriously, I'm not asking for the moon here, people.
So, um, next time Michelle? Take speaking lessons from Senator McLimeJello, so that I can reclaim my carefully crafted image. 'Kay, thanks.
But seriously folks. Once you wade through all the blabbing and yapping and shilling about what "Michelle Obama's speech, OMG! just HAD to do" or why she said this or that or whether it was targeted at people with purple hair rather than reptile owners, you realize that when someone is that genuine and smart and heartfelt and grounded, a few ignorant bigots don't stand a chance.