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Coach and Rookie are standing in the locker room in front of the big blackboard. Coach is explaining strategy.

Rookie: Coach, how are we going to get Hillary Clinton's angry white women to jump to our side? They hate us even more than they hate Obama!

Coach: Pay attention Rookie, this will take some serious deception. Somehow we have to distract the Dems into thinking we're gonna pick a weak sister, somebody from a fly-over state like...Minnesota!

Rookie: Minnesota? Where's that?

Coach: Top middle, just right of those two square states. It looks like a pirate boot.

Rookie: Oh, THAT's Minnesota. It's green.

Coach: Yep, like I said, fly-over country. Got a governor there, real pussy, thinks he's on the rise. Pawlenty. Tim Pawlenty.

Rookie: I heard a radio guy call him something like Paw-T or something...

Coach: Yeah whatever, those radio jocks are useful idiots. Like you, Rook.

Rookie: Thanks, Coach!

Coach: Anyways, Pawlenty's a loser, totally brain-dead, but he thinks he's on the "shortlist" for VP. Bought a new suit, got a haircut, what an idiot!

Rookie: He's not on the shortlist?

Coach: Hell no, there ain't no shortlist, fool! There's the pick, and everybody else is just window dressing.

Rookie: So...Who's the pick?

Coach: Now we're getting somewhere. We're gonna pull a switcheroo on the Dems and pick a woman!

Rookie: Really? A woman for the Republican VP?

Coach: Damn straight, Rook, and she's gonna suck all the Hillary votes right away from Obama.

Rookie: Because she's a woman?

Coach: Right!

Rookie: Uh, right...But...

Coach: No but's, Rookie. And there's no denying this broad is a woman, either. It's Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin. She's a total babe!

Rookie: Wow! She's...she's so beautiful! Better than Dana Perino!

Coach: Damn straight, Rook, and there's more! She's pro-life, pro-NRA, born-again, anti-tax, and a rock-ribbed conservative. She even busted some Republican brothers for corruption.

Rookie: That's swell! But, why not just tell people right away?

Coach: Because, dummy, it has to be a surprise!

Rookie: Uh...But why...?

Coach: Rookie, we gotta take the wind out of Obama's sails just as he gets the nod for president at his convention. For that, we need a surprise.

Rookie: Um, I think I see...

Coach: So, in order to make the surprise as big as possible, we use Goober Pawlenty as a decoy. We call him up and tell him he's "most likely" going to get the VP nod from McCain over the next few days. Goober gets all giddy and drops hints everywhere, then sits by the phone like a prom date.

Rookie: Oh, I get it. And the phone never rings.

Coach: Now you're catching on, Rook. Instead, we call Babe-a-licious on the phone and make her the VP. Kaboom, surprise!

Rookie: Wow! That will work, won't it?

Coach: Damn straight, Rookie. And Hillary's supporters will take one look at this gorgeous babe, look at old Joe Biden and Obama and say, "I think I'd rather go to the girl's party." Simple as that.

Rookie: That's awesome! But...What about Pawlenty? Doesn't that make him look...

Coach: Stupid? Who cares, he IS stupid! He's a red-assed baboon, a pinata twisting in the wind. Point is, the trick will work!

Rookie: she...ready?

Coach: Oh Rookie, you have so much to learn. Who cares if the bimbo is ready to be president? She's a babe, she's a Republican, people LOVE her in Alaska, and she makes our boy McCain look like a stud again!

Rookie: Oh, wow...Just like Cindy...

Coach: Damn straight, Rookie. Just like Cindy did. What was old is new again. It's like Johnny gets a whole new trophy wife!

Rookie: Awesome!

Coach: And here's the best part: Nobody will ever suspect what we have done.

Originally posted to jimbo92107 on Fri Aug 29, 2008 at 05:27 PM PDT.

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