Feeling overwhelmed by the stinking buckets of hypocrisy coming out of Republican mouths these days? Help me with a quick recap.
It's OK to pull troops out if you're a Republican: Ronald Reagan took them out of Lebanon when attacked by Hezbollah, and Bush satisfied Osama Bin Laden's main request to withdraw American forces from Saudi Arabia, the Holy Land. Not a word of cowardice, defeatism, surrendering, anywhere.
It's OK to cheat on your wife if you're a Republican: John McCain gets to do it because he was a POW. Newt was cheating on his wife while impeaching Bill Clinton. Gary Hart's candidacy burned at the media's stake after Monkey Business, and John Edwards was crucified. Not that I care one bit. As Bill Maher reminds us, "FDR, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Bill Clinton... they all cheated on their wives. The only one that hasn't... George W. Bush." In the days before Bill O'Reilly, things were different. Grover Cleveland was caught with an out-of-wedlock baby in the middle of his campaign against Blaine. Cleveland admitted it, and started to pay for the upbringing of the baby. Then, he went on to defeat Blaine, who was seen as a saint in private matters but a crook in the public ones.
It's OK to have a thin resume if you're a Republican: in the last days, we have comically learned way too much about the civic life of Wasilla, Alaska. Conservatives have told us with a straight face that Sarah Palin has national security experience because she commands the Alaskan National Guard and lives next door to Russia. To Karl Rove, Tim Kaine is a lightweight because he was the mayor of Richmond, Virginia. Today, he's telling a different story. The only VPs elected in their early 40s in the 20th century were all Republican, and they all won. Theodore was 42, Nixon was 40, and Dan Quayle was 41.
It's OK to have a teenage daughter with an unwanted pregnancy, if you're a Republican: yes, after thirty years making policy out of the woman's body, that's what they are trying to tell us. After thirty years of fighting against choice, they are celebrating Bristol Palin's heroic "choice" to keep it.
It's OK to be a flip-flopper if you're a Republican: McCain sold his soul to Karl Rove and the Christian conservatives who hated him, Mitt Romney took flip-flopping to new levels... and yet it's Obama who is derided as "just another politician" over campaign finance reform or telecom immunity.
It's OK to be for big government, if you're a Republican: how can the party who engaged in an orgy of deficit-spending with Reagan and Bush Jr. campaign on fiscal conservatism against the party that balanced the budget and created a surplus in the 90s?
It's OK to engage in negative attacks, if you're a Republican: the party that brought us Willy Horton, who compared Max Cleland (lost three limbs in Vietnam) with Osama Bin Laden, and Obama with Paris Hilton, are calling foul over the media's "attacks" on Palin, and blaming them on Obama.
It's OK to have a crazy pastor if you're a Republican: John Haggee and the rest of the agents of intolerance are speaking truth to power; Reverend Wright hates America.
It's OK to play the gender card if you're a Republican: every attack on Palin must be sexist; Hillary Clinton did not get the same treatment (and she was a First Lady, New York senator that got 18 million votes).
It's OK to be a metrosexual if you're a Republican: John McCain wears $520 Italian shoes in the campaign trail (Ferragamo, black leather). His wife attended the RNC with a $300K dress. But let's make fun of John Edwards and his $200 haircut.
It's OK to lie if you are a Republican: "Saddam Hussein has WMDs", "We're winning the war in Vietnam", "Clarence Thomas is the most qualified man we could find", "Global warming needs more study"... and yet it's the guy who lies about oral sex who gets impeached.
It's OK to be endorsed by a misogynist rapper if you're a Republican: Ludacris writes a song, and Obama is guilty by association; McCain gets endorsed by reggaeton rapper Daddy Yankee, they hold a joint event together, and no one opens their two-sided mouths. Have they watched Daddy Yankee's videos or listened to his songs?
It's OK to trash American workers if you're a Republican: http://www.youtube.com/...
Please help me complete this list. We should not be surprised. This is the party of Ronald Reagan, the Hollywood actor union leader who became the only reason for their existence.