Well, the Republican convention is finally over, and it has taught us many important things. For example, were you aware that Senator John McCain was a prisoner of war? I shit you not. It's completely true.
In other news, Todd Palin likes to snowmobile, Joe Lieberman still thinks he's a Democrat, and the Palin children are named Whistle, Platypus, Groucho, Skeeter, and Martini.
But most importantly, the Republicans had a very important message this week:
VOTE FOR BARACK OBAMA
Don't believe me? Check out the following quotes*.
Former Sen. Fred Thompson (R-Law & Order):
"We're down, disrespected, incapable of prevailing against challenges that face us."
Former Sen. Fred Thompson (R-Law & Order):
"In high school and the Naval Academy, John earned a reputation as a troublemaker."
Former Sen. Fred Thompson (R-Law & Order):
"Who is [John McCain], and can we trust this man with the presidency?"
Former Sen. Fred Thompson (R-Law & Order):
"America needs a president who understands the nature of the world we live in."
Sen. Joseph Lieberman (R-Lieberman Party):
"Senator Barack Obama is a gifted and eloquent young man who I think can do great things for our country."
Senator John McCain (R-Bush: Part 2):
"I wouldn't be an American worthy of the name if I didn't honor Sen. Obama and his supporters."
Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R-Nine Eleven):
"One can look at John McCain and say that he's not ready to be commander-in-chief."
Former Mayor of Wasilla Sarah Palin (R-Independent Republic of Alaska):
"Here's a little newsflash for those reporters and commentators: I'm not going to Washington."
Former Mayor of Wasilla Sarah Palin (R-Independent Republic of Alaska):
"There is much to like and admire about our opponent."
Former Mayor of Wasilla Sarah Palin (R-Independent Republic of Alaska):
"If character is the measure in this election, and hope the theme, and change the goal we share, then I ask you to [...] help America elect a great man as the next president of the United States."
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. IT'S POW TIME!!!!
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Former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee (R-Insane):
"[John McCain] was shot down and captured."
Former Mayor Rudy Giuliani (R-Nine Eleven):
"[John McCain] was captured in a POW camp."
Former Sen. Fred Thompson (R-Law & Order):
"John McCain was a prisoner of war."
Former Mayor of Wasilla Sarah Palin (R-Independent Republic of Alaska):
"[...] a six-by-four cell in Hanoi [...]"
'President' George W. Bush (R-Complete Failure):
"Forty years ago, in an enemy prison camp..."
Senator John McCain (R-Have I Mentioned I Was a POW Today?):
"I was dumped in a dark cell, and left to die."
Former Sen. Fred Thompson (R-Law & Order):
"Being a POW certainly doesn't qualify anyone to be president."
You can replace this:
With this:
* Some quotes taken slightly out of context.