Isn't it funny how, if you live long enough and fill in enough contest entries, you end up on every mailing list in the world? I knew I had reached that point when my wife went out to get the Sunday paper and retrieved Saturday's mail from the mailbox. Including a very nice letter to me, from John McCain. His name in big letters, right in the return address. Only the small print below identified it as coming from the RNC.
Of course it's illegal for a candidate who accepts federal funds in a Presidential election to raise and spend their own money after that point. John McCain knows this -- or at least he should know it, since he wrote the law. And John McCain is accepting federal funds in the General Election. So, of course, John McCain is busy skirting the law like only a Republican can: he's using his name and his words to raise money for the GOP's presidential campaign effort.
John's letter introduced me to Carly Fiorina, who chairs the RNC "Victory 2008" McCain-Palin stalking horse committee:
Her experience in business will be a great asset to our Republican team
John's letter didn't mention that Carly was fired as CEO from Hewlett-Packard after spying on her own board of directors. But I can certainly see how a woman who stoops that low leaves the GOP in full hosanna mode: a pro-spying, disgraced former CEO would certainly be a "great asset" to any Republican in the White House.
Also in the envelope was a much longer letter from Carly herself, wherein she told me that
Your registered Survey is one of a select few being mailed by the Republican National Committee into your area.
... and:
I have no higher priority than the success of this Survey project.
Wow! Well, I'd better get to work on that Survey, then! And, with my wife's help, that's just what I did. Here are a few sample questions:
Section I: Critical Issues
- Do you think Congress should respond to the economic slowdown with a plan of tax cuts to stimulate the economy?
I answered "No." Any honest economist will tell you that there is little if any evidence that tax cuts per se actually benefit the economy in the long run. In fact, Bush's tax cuts helped to get us into this mess, by increasing the deficit, which drove down the value of the dollar, which caused oil prices to rise, which drags down the economy.
Tax cuts may give a short-term (one quarter) boost to the economy by increasing consumer spending. But only if taxpayers actually spend that money on new consumer goods instead of paying off existing credit card bills. Given the huge amount of consumer debt in the system right now, it's not hard to guess what would happen.
NOTE to self: when did the GOP become so dense on economic issues?
- Do you believe that reducing the federal budget deficit should be a top priority?
I answered "Yes" like a good Republican should. Which is why I'm voting Democratic. Republicans can't balance the budget.
Section II: National Security
- Should the first foreign policy priority of the next President be winning the war against radical Islamic extremists?
I answered "No." Our first foreign policy priority should be rebuilding America's good name and reputation abroad, which has been dragged through the mud by Guantanamo and Abu Ghraib. Although I do agree that extremists of all religions should be fought. We can start with Pat Robertson.
- Should America surrender in Iraq regardless of the consequences in the Middle East?
This took me by surprise, because I didn't know we could surrender in Iraq. I mean, who would we surrender to? Would Al-Qaida in Iraq hold some kind of signing ceremony, like we did on the USS Missouri at the end of WWII? John McCain's grandpa was there, remember? And even if such a bizarre scene could be arranged, wouldn't the Sunni sheiks that took part in the Anbar Awakening just keep on fighting against AQI? After all, that's what we're paying them to do.
Then it occurred to me that "surrender" is the GOP's euphemism for "withdrawal". (If Levi had surrendered to Bristol, a scandal could have been avoided -- but that's what you get with abstinence-only education.)
And since the "consequences in the Middle East" from our withdrawal from Iraq can't possibly be worse than the consequences of staying in, I said "Yes" to "surrender."
- Do you support giving our law enforcement agents the tools they need to monitor terrorist communications?
Carly! I didn't know that you considered the Hewlett-Packard board of directors to be terrorists! Since those tools can and are being used to spy against US citizens, I answered "No."
Section III: Other Issues
- Which political party do you feel is best able to handle each of the following issues?
... followed by a list of fourteen items. My wife and I discussed each issue and considered them carefully. At the end, we answered as follows:
| Republican | Democratic |
War in Iraq | | X |
War Against Radial Islamic Extremists | | X |
Taxes | | X |
Health Care | | X |
Federal Spending | | X |
Social Security | | X |
National Defense | | X |
Foreign Policy | | X |
Environment | | X |
Economy | | X |
Immigration | | X |
Energy | | X |
Education | | X |
Protecting Traditional Values | X | |
At the end, much to my surprise, they asked me for a donation. I emptied out my pockets and taped 16 pennies to their survey (08 for Obama and 08 for Biden). Since they thoughtfully provided me with a postage-paid return envelope, the 2.1 ounces of pennies will cost the GOP 76¢ in postage.
UPDATE: Thanks for the recs and comments! I just noticed as I was sealing the envelope that Carly claims that it costs the GOP $15 to process the survey.
UPDATE 2: Commenters tell me that Carly Fiorina wasn't fired from HP for spying. Carly, I'm sorry I said so and I apologize for maligning your reputation. The real reason Carly was fired from HP was, apparently, incomptetence. Since the people she hires charge $15 for opening an envelope, this makes much more sense.