Hello, my name is Sarah Palin, and I'm a member of Pathological Liars Anonymous. In fact.. I'm running for Secretary uh vice-president of the organization!
I didn't always lie. No, when I was a kid, I told the truth. But then one day, I got caught stealing money out of my mother's purse. I lied. I told her it was homework - that my teacher told me to do it. And she got fired! Yeah, that's what happened!
After that, lying was easy for me. It got me a job in journalism, on TV for a small, large, uh the largest station in the free world! Yeah.. I was making twenty thousand a ye.. month! In fact, I won the Pulitzer Prize that year! Yeah, that's the ticket. Then I lied about opposing the bridge to nowhere. I was governor, uh emperor of Alaska at the time. Yeah.. as governo, uh emperor I opposed a few, uh a lot, all earmarks for Alaska, and did I mention I was emperor?
And then my cousin - Ronald Palin, uh Ronald Reagan - died and I took it hard. Maybe too hard - I tried to kill myself. Yeahh.. I did kill myself! Sure! I was medically dead for a week and a half! It was a woman that brought me out of it - Ann Coulter! Yeah, right.. And she told me about Pathological Liars Anonymous.
Oh, you'd be surprised how many famous people belong. In fact.. at one of the meetings I met my husband - Todd, uh John McCain! Yes, I'm a changed woman now, and all because of Pathological Liars Anonymous. Why, I - I even have my picture on the cover of US, uh People uh Newsweek magazine. Yeah. Every day! Yeah.. that's the ticket! Yeah, you betcha!