Under physical threat from a band of disgruntled barons, King John today signed a 63 item charter reaffirming and adding to the laws of Henry II. He disavowed the document as soon as the band of ruffians left town, claiming that it was nothing but a laundry list of earmarks favoring special interests, and that it unfairly limited his Unitary Executive Authority.
Asked for specifics at a hastily called press conference, the King's spokesman cited Article 54. "This article allows a woman to testify against her husband's murderer. If the King cedes such a right, the next thing you know, women will expect the right to testify in all sorts of cases. Such a circumstance would overload the legal docket and lead to chaos."
"What about Article 38?" shouted Dan of Rathershire from the back row.
The spokesman reasonably pled that no one could expect to remember every detail, but Dan, that loathful scourge of authority, pressed on, "Article 38 states simply that 'No bailiff, on his own simple assertion, shall henceforth put anyone to his law, without producing faithful witnesses in evidence.'I might add, sir, that the term bailiff includes the King."
First winking at the front row, the spokesman soon put Dan in his place. "That article is such an ancient part of common law, the King feels it unnecessary to be bound by a written statement to honor it. Hundreds of years from now, historians will look back and find it quaint that citizens of our time even felt it necessary to put such obvious truths in writing."
The disgruntled barons couldn't be reached for comment.