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Senator John McCain is troubled, and he has called upon me personally for help.  Just think...out of all the true blue American patriots out there today, he has selected me for this important plea.  I haven't gotten this much interest since that protracted correspondence I had with a former Nigerian government official about the secret funds he wanted to give me.

In an e-mail sent to me today, Senator McCain tells me that he truly wants to reform America, but he might be prevented from doing that if he and his fellow “reformers” (who of course have no affiliation of any kind with that sleazy old Republican Party) can’t respond to all of those vicious lies being spread about him.

Senator John McCain implores me to join with him and help him spread the truth by donating my personal wealth and treasure to his cause.  Now, what he actually says is…”don’t give to me, but give it to some of my anonymous friends because they will help me get my message out, especially the lies and accusations part."

My Friends,

In my life, no success has come without a good fight and this election is no exception. I am joined in this fight by Governor Sarah Palin and other reformers on our Party's ticket. We are fighting for your well-being, for our men and women in uniform, for better jobs, for energy independence and for government reform.

First, what is it with the "My Friends" bit?  Have we met?  Have we formed an instant bond?  Is there some reason I should be your friend?

Uh Senator..I am really glad you are “fighting for (my) well-being," but come on.  

fighting for our men and women in uniform?  I don’t think so!  Not with a track record like this one!

…fighting for better jobs?  I don’t think so!  Not when your policies promote sending jobs overseas like DHL and Boeing.  Not when you have repeatedly voted against increases in the minimum wage and opposed equal pay for women!

fighting for energy independence?  I don’t think so! Not when many of the people who are working on and guiding your campaign are lobbyists for big energy.

I'm fortunate to have a partner in reform, Governor Palin. Our ticket is ready to shake up Washington, ready to bring real change and stand up to the status quo.

But we won't be elected without your support.

The polls all show this election is extremely close and we expect it to remain close until Election Day. The best way to help our ticket secure a win in November is to make a generous donation right away to McCain-Palin Victory 2008.

There are big differences between the Obama-Biden Democrats and us. We have different visions for the country. Our ticket has a record of bringing reform to government so that government fights for the people. Instead of talking about change, we use our careers to bring change. And that has the Obama-Biden Democrats running scared.

You want to set the baseball up there on the T Mr. Reformer guy?  Cuz here comes the Louisville slugger.

I defy you to name one thing you have done in your 26 years in the Senate in which you actually produced meaningful reform…..of anything.  I know you will point to election financing, but let’s save that for a little later.  But other than that….maybe immigration?   Yeah immigration….you have certainly been consistent in support of immigration reform right?  I don’t think so!

Working to block a vote on your own bill on the subject and later admitting you wouldn’t vote for your own bill if you could, hardly sounds like a strong basis for claiming you are the next Jacob Riis or Ada Tarbell or Upton Sinclair.

Election Day is less than 50 days away and the Obama-Biden Democrats have launched vicious and offensive attacks. The Obama-Biden Democrats will no doubt turn these attacks on other reformers on our ticket. They can attack if they want; all the insults in the world aren't going to bring change to Washington.

Oh Please Senator…… Vicious and offensive attacks?  Why the chorus of major media commentaries citing your own campaign for a blizzard of clear lies and baseless character attacks on your opponents states clearly that you have sacrificed your so-called “integrity” in a desperate effort to divert voter attention from the real issues in this campaign.  

Our ticket has a record of putting our country first and with your help we'll bring other reformers to Washington with us. We put our beloved country above all else and it is my great hope that you will join us today. Please join us by making a contribution of $50, $100, $250, $500, $1,000 or more to McCain-Palin Victory 2008. With your support, we're going to win this election.

Sincerely,  John McCain

P.S. As the polls begin to turn in our favor, the Obama-Biden Democrats have launched vicious attacks against me and will no doubt launch them against other reformers on our ticket. And what you can do to help today is make an immediate donation of $50 or more to McCain-Palin Victory 2008. The Obama-Biden Democrats are desperate and scared, and they should be because with your unwavering support, we are going to win. Thank you.

Fear tactics….always a favorite ploy by the GOP and Karl Rove, and couple that with groveling for sympathy because of those “vicious attacks against me and….against other reformers on our ticket..”  

First, for that to be true, you actually need at least one reformer on your ticket.  The voters have already punched your ticket Senator and they are getting off at the nearest station and transferring to the Obama express.  The evidence is mounting that Ms. Palin is to reforming Washington as Al Capone was to good government in Chicago.  The rest of the folks around you can barely stop lobbying for their dictator clients long enough to bicker over what today's talking point lies should be.  

By the way….I said we’d come back to the issue of “election reform” so let's examine the end of your grovel for bucks.

Because the McCain-Palin Campaign is participating in the presidential public funding system, it may not receive contributions for any candidate's election. However, federal law allows the McCain-Palin Campaign's Compliance Fund to defray legal and accounting compliance costs and preserve the Campaign's public grant for media, mail, phones, and get-out-the-vote programs. Contributions to McCain-Palin Victory 2008 will go to the Compliance Fund, and to participating party committees for Victory 2008 programs.

Paid for by McCain-Palin Victory 2008
A joint fundraising committee by and composed of the Republican National Committee, the Michigan Republican Party, the Missouri Republican State Committee, the Ohio Republican Party State Central & Executive Committee, the Republican Federal Committee of Pennsylvania, and McCain-Palin Compliance Fund.

In the arcana of modern “campaign finance reform” all of this verbiage actually says:

I put my name on a bill which claimed to promote campaign finance reform, but I want to be sure you know that there are a kajillion loopholes in the bill and I hope you will send your funds to third parties, many of whom will underwrite more outright fraudulent claims about my opponents, essentially free from restraint.   The press might call them lies, but I am a man of integrity, a reformer and did I mention I was a POW?    My friends.  Trust me.  I think I have fully demonstrated by now that I am John McCain, and I'll endorse any message if it will win me this election.

Originally posted to www.dailykos.com on Tue Sep 16, 2008 at 10:31 PM PDT.

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