So today I got a letter form a former student. I was one of her middle school teachers nearly a decade ago. She is in her early 20's now, and a few years ago she enlisted in the army and was deployed to Iraq.
I sent her a note awhile back just to say 'hello' and to let her know that people back home are thinking about her. I also thanked her for her service.
Today I got a response back from her. I thought it was worth sharing.
I am not going to comment too much on this one. You can draw your own conclusions. And other then removing a few of the paragraphs at the beginning and the end, which included superfluous information as well as personal details, this letter is unedited.
One of the most moving parts for me comes at the end, where she talks about her parents, and the impact that her deployment is having on her family.
On the mission:
The hard part is trying to understand. Understand what we are doing here, yes I know I signed on the "dotted line", but can someone tell me what we are doing in Iraq, I thought it was Bin Laden and Al-Qaida that attacked our country? Sure the answer "does it really matter, we're here" might shut us up but it definitely doesn't stop us from asking ourselves that question over and over.
On dealing with emotions:
The hardest part of being here is learning to deal with our very own emotions. Emotions you never thought you had and then some that they probably don't even have names for. Emotions you never thought you would experience. I'll tell you the best emotion I have ever felt in my life I feel here. The feeling you get the day you realize that you really and truly would give your own life for the person sitting in the turret, the person driving, the person navigating is most definitely the most humbling moment of my life.
Yeah sure everyone at some point in their life get asked "would you jump in front of a bullet for"so and so, and it's usually someone you love that they name and everyone says "yeah sure" usually there is a little hesitation before they answer because they are thinking what are the chances of that happening? Pretty slim.
But when every single day this is your reality and these people aren't even your family, they are just your squad members the people you work with day in and day out and still you are out on mission driving down the road praying to god that if something happens and people get hurt that you are the only person to get hurt, you are praying that they don't even get a scratch. That is a pretty humbling experience, but most humbling of all is knowing that every other person you are with is praying the same exact thing, that they are the one.
On being in combat:
One of the scariest but probably most exciting emotions I've experienced is any one of the times when my convoy got attacked. Sure it was the biggest adrenaline rush of my life but it was also the longest 5 seconds of my life waiting to hear that everyone was ok. But once you come down from that adrenaline high you have a whole new thing to try to understand. Someone just tried to kill me. Literally, my friends and I almost died. Try swallowing that. But we do, and we are back doing what we do, in fact we never even stopped doing what we do.
On why she enlisted:
Also just because someone enlists in a time of war doesn't necessarily mean they agree with it. Because I am not supposed to give my opinion on what I think about this war hopefully you can understand where I am coming from. People enlist for a huge variety of reasons, as for me that is one of those things I still don't have an answer for, the answer I give is " I had a patriotic moment". If you've ever had the feeling that you just had to do something you're not sure why but you just have to do it, well that is why I enlisted, certainly not because I thought going to war was a good idea. Am I happy I made that decision? Absolutely. Do I miss out on a lot of things, absolutely. This will be the second christmas I will be away from home, christmas is a huge thing in my family. Am I angry for making this same decision? you better believe it.
On the impact on her family:
Just about everyday I ask myself "what was I thinking"? The worst part about it is seeing what it does to my family. When I enlisted I never thought how this would affect my family, I never stopped to ask how my parents going to feel having their only daughter in combat. Yeah sure when I talk to them on the phone I notice that my dad will start talking about little insignificant things to try to keep the conversation going so I won't hang up.
During those same phone calls I hear fear and tears in my mothers voice everytime I tell her I have to go. And last month when I was home on R&R I saw the toll it has taken on my parents. My dad who has never had but a few random strands of grey in his hair is pretty close to 'fully grey'. My mom who has always looked close to 10yrs younger than her actual age, well she had a few more lines and wrinkles on her face and just looked tired. And I know all those grey hairs, new wrinkles and the tiredness are from worrying about me.