As honored guest host of the TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY EDITION of Mojo Friday let me just say:
"Here we go. Here we go! Ducks on the pond, baby. Ducks on the pond. Hit means a run! Nice swing, baby. Nice swing. Don't worry about it. That was his pitch, baby! Not yours. Not yours! Wait for it 'cause he's searching for it! Been searching all night. They need a pitcher not a belly itcher. Right? Huh? Right? Station to station. No big swings. Contact hitting. A duck snort. A Blue Darter in the alley, baby. Ground ball with eyes, is what I'm talking about. Let's get nasty and knock the cover off that horsehide--"
What?
Huh?
Pirates. Pittsburgh Pirates. In baseball. National league? Central divis--?
Really?
REALLY?
Eyepatch? Parrot on the shoulder? That kind of--
Because I just ASSUMED--
Well, shiver me timbers, in THAT case, ya son of a biscuit eater, lets hoist the Jolly Roger, put the grog on ice, and set sail for a voyage of swashbuckling and traaaaysure!
But seriously folks, I don't talk about this much, but I am a world-renown expert on pirates, having authored two books... Sex Toys Of Pirates and Illustrated Sex Toys of Pirates... the latter of which reached #4 on the New York Times List of Best Selling Completely Made-Up Periodicals.
One of the little known facts about pirates, is that, along with keehauling the sprogs, Pirates LOVED TO GO ONLINE TO MAKE SURE THEY WERE ACTUALLY REGISTERED TO VOTE.
Tis, true.
Take this well known pirate song:
I want to be a pirate
A pirates life for me
All my friends are pirates
And sail the b. b. sea
Ive got a jolly roger
Its black and white and vast
Get out of your skull and crossbones
And Ill run it up your website where I can check my voter registration status!
Seriously, there are LONG passages in Blue Beards diaries about how, arg, he, arg, made sure LONG before election day, arg, that he was, ahoy, REGISTERED TO VOTE!
With that in mind, please note the SPECIAL, ADDED GOAL in this weeks Mojo Friday Goals below.
Mojo Friday Guidelines
- If you comment you have to recommend all comments, you Scallywag! Iin order to recieve mojo you have to give mojo. Even Pirates know it's only good mojo manners.
- Everything you say may be taken as a joke, Landlubber, so if you ask a question, expect a silly answer!
- You must recommend the diary, and pimp it unapologetically, Me Hearty!
- You don't have to comment to recommend, my fellow Gentlepersons O' Fortune!
- You can't steal Tex Dem's idea, you Lilly Liver!
- Please, no pictures or YouTubes until after 300 comments, Squiffy.
- Mojo mojo mojo mojo, mojo! And have we mentioned mojo? What about mojo?
- Double mojo if you're wearing an eye-patch!
Mojo Friday Goals
A. at least 300 different commenters and 1000 comments by 1:30 PM EST and 1500 by 5:00 PM EST Friday Night that it's posted.
B. 100 recommends for each comment, at least.
C. Stay on Recommend List at least five hours (this requires some strategic planning by you guys, refer to guideline #3)
D. At least 200 diary recommends. 300 would be better, spread the word.
E. And always, fun fun fun.
F. Have at least 75% average participation rate as seen in the Postgame Show by goffnews.
G. (New) Have at least 30 kossacks over 90% participation (see here for some tips).
H. Overload the servers with recommends, not to mention dominate Top Comments Mojo list. (we do tend to mess with the site with all of our recommends at one time)(also, to dominate the Top Comments Top Mojo we need at least 50 comments with over 100 recommends, see guideline B)
I. 50 EMBEDDED AND SHRUNKEN SCREEN SHOTS from VOTE FOR CHANGE confirming, like I did (right), that you will be able to pillage John McCain's Swaggy on election day. I will personally donate 10 dollars in booty to the Obama campaign for each one I find!
J. That's enough for now. (Have a suggestion? Post it.)