We have obtained a super-secret memo from The Maverick Bunker (TM) outlining John McCain's upcoming campaign strategies.
As we know, McCain was finally able successfully to seize the attention of the press and the initiative in late August by his veep choice of Sarah Palin, which dominated the news cycle for approximately two weeks until the convenient US financial meltdown allowed him to distract attention from his previous distraction by providing his next crazy-like-a-fox maneuver, i.e. canceling his own presidential campaign and threatening to not show up for the first debate against his opponent, Barack Obama.
Sarah Palin, initially viewed by much of the electorate as "shiny", is now seen also as probably "pointy" (even, by many, as "potentially tipped with Amazonian toad poison"), causing many to reconsider gathering her up to use in the construction of the nests in which they plan to spend the next four years of intensive egg incubation.
Luckily, just as "pointy" was beginning to sink in, it was 1929 all over again, and John McCain was able to get us all chattering again over whether his decision to suspend his campaign was insane, or whether it just "appears" to be insane because it is, in fact, layer #29 of the next deep Rovian plan.
But what to do next? After the inevitable consensus that putting his own campaign on hold to hare back to Washington was, in fact, another "pointy", not "shiny" decision (assuming, that is, that after such a long time away, he doesn't get hopelessly lost in an attempt to find his way back to the Senate).
Here, directly from the typewriter of Karl Rove himself (excuse me a moment, I need to wipe the slugs off), are the ways the McCain campaign will distract us from the distraction he has used to distract us from the internal poll numbers that apparently scared the bejesus out of him the last night of the Democratic convention in Denver.
October 5: (the night of the Biden/Palin debate) --
McCain insists on appearing onstage at the vice-presidential debate, and supplements Palin's answers to debate questions via an original interpretive dance
Thomas Friedman: "The interpretive dance portion of the debate did not entirely distract the audience from Ms. Palin's response as to the contribution of witches to climate change"
David Brooks: "Was this brilliant? Or Stupid?"
George Will: "My glasses are hurting my nose again"
Maureen Dowd: "If only he had been wearing a tutu, the gambit might have been successful"
October 19:
Sarah Palin withdraws her candidacy, McCain campaign chooses a dancing bear named "Maurice" as McCain's new running mate
Thomas Friedman: "I'm concerned by Maurice's seeming inability to articulate a comprehensive alternate energy strategy
David Brooks: "Was this brilliant? Or Stupid?"
overthehill, Daily Kos Diarist, "we're doomed! DAMN YOU KARL ROVE"
Maureen Dowd: "Looks good in a tutu"
November 9: McCain makes an appointment to meet with George Bush in the Oval Office, pushes Bush into the Slightly Oval On One Side Closet, sits behind the Cool Desk, and refuses to leave
Thomas Friedman: "Perhaps if we create a trail of earmarks leading out of the oval office, we could lure John McCain out"
David Brooks: "So much less disruptive than having the Supreme Court pick -- Brilliant"
Maureen Dowd: "Maurice has scabies"