I am just sick and tired of hearing people criticize Republicans on the economy. These commie liberal turban worshippers may rant and rag, but they will never mention the pivotal role that recent Republican presidential candidates have played in giving rise to a completely new genre of writing, one where you mix both fiction and nonfiction, and no one knows which is which!
Contrary to what you lib'ruls think, Republicans are not only experts in creating new jobs, but also experts in creating new job categories. Before George W. Bush came along, this genre did not exist. Since his inauguration in January 2001, this category of writing has come to dominate the American literary landscape, and with the help of God, John McCain, and Sarah Palin, this genre will be our number one export within the next however many years they manage to stay in office.
The following comes from the Truthiness in Fiction Writing Competition, which, like the Hemingway Short Story Competition, is held annually and attended by people from around the world. The only difference is that the Hemingway Short Story Competition is held in Key West, Florida, whereas the Truthiness in Fiction Writing Competition is held in Wallawasiwalla, Alaska and attended by people from as far away as the greater Matanuska-Susitna area, not to mention also attended by the American-born Ruskidoffski twins, Boris and Igor, who, from their cozy little hut in the picturesque Russian coal-mining village of Kamstolichniya, Kamchatka, made the trip to Wallawasiwalla by traveling nearly 25,000 miles westward (even though if one were to look eastward from Kamchatka one could see West Sustina on a sunny day). Thus, in essence, it is the Truthiness in Fiction Writing Competition, not the Hemingway Short Story Competition, that is truly "attended by people from around the world."
Here is what the judges had to say:
Bear Claw Cluckerman, the winner of this year's competition, has seamlessly blended the following excerpts from J. D. Salinger's The Catcher in the Rye into Palin's interviews to create a new play that will surely be remembered by future generations.
From The Catcher in the Rye:
"We studied the Egyptians from November 4th to December 2nd," he said. "You chose to write about them for the optional essay question. Would you care to hear what you had to say?"
"No, sir, not very much," I said.
He read it anyway, though. You can't stop a teacher when they want to do something. They just do it.
The Egyptians were an ancient race of Caucasians residing in one of the northern sections of Africa. The latter as we all know is the largest continent in the Eastern Hemisphere.
I had to sit there and listen to that crap. It certainly was a dirty trick.
The Egyptians are extremely interesting to us today for various reasons. Modern sciences would still like to know what the secret ingredients were that the Egyptians used when they wrapped up dead people so that their faces would not rot for innumerable centuries. This interesting riddle is still quite a challenge to modern science in the twentieth century.
Again, from the judges:
Cluckerman has inserted Holden Caulfield's comments into the interviews in such a subtle manner that, were it not for footnotes, the average reader would swear that it was a natural part of the dialogue. One can imagine what Holden Caulfield's thought processes would be like in this situation, and the writer's brilliant rendering of character, such as when the protagonist seems as if she is trying to think of the word "caricature," but does not want to risk saying it for fear of botching the pronunciation, gives the public a taste of literary genius that comes only once in a generation. Luckily for us, it is only a taste of things to come.
The bits from The Catcher in the Rye are in brackets, with the changes in bold:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...
COURIC: You've cited Alaska's proximity to Russia as part of your foreign policy experience. What did you mean by that?
She asked me anyway, though. You can't stop a journalist when they want to do something. They just do it.
PALIN: That Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land-- boundary that we have with-- Canada. It-- it's funny that a comment like that was-- kind of made to-- cari-- I don't know, you know? Reporters--
COURIC: Mock?
PALIN: Yeah, mocked, I guess that's the word, yeah.
COURIC: Explain to me why that enhances your foreign policy credentials.
PALIN: Well, it certainly does because our-- our next door neighbors are foreign countries. They're in the state that I am the executive of. And there in Russia--
COURIC: Have you ever been involved with any negotiations, for example, with the Russians?
I had to sit there and listen to that crap. It certainly was a dirty trick.
PALIN: We have trade missions back and forth. We-- we do-- it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where-- where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border. It is-- from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there. They are right next to-- to our state.
According to one of the judges:
Cluckerman manages to capture the finest nuances of the Wallawasiwalla patois, while at the same time demonstrating that this is a scene that not only transcends regions and transcends race, but also transcends time. One could easily imagine Rocky Balboa in Philly, saying "Yeah, mocked, I guess that's the word, yeah."
Here's another one, from another part of the same interview/play:
http://www.debatetherace08.com/...
COURIC: Why isn't it better, Governor Palin, to spend $700 billion helping middle-class families who are struggling with health care, housing, gas and groceries? Allow them to spend more, and put more money into the economy, instead of helping these big financial institutions that played a role in creating this mess?
She asked me anyway, though. You can't stop a journalist when they want to do something. They just do it.
PALIN: That's why I say I, like every American I'm speaking with, we're ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it's got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade — we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today.
I had to sit there and listen to my own crap. It certainly was a dirty trick.
We've got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those things under the umbrella of job creation.
In awarding the prize, the judges highlighted the following literary passages for comparison:
PALIN: ...Alaska has a very narrow maritime border between a foreign country, Russia, and on our other side, the land-- boundary that we have with-- Canada.
CAULFIELD: The Egyptians were an ancient race of Caucasians residing in one of the northern sections of Africa. The latter as we all know is the largest continent in the Eastern Hemisphere.
PALIN: ...ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it's got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track.
CAULFIELD: The Egyptians are extremely interesting to us today for various reasons. Modern sciences would still like to know what the secret ingredients were that the Egyptians used when they wrapped up dead people so that their faces would not rot for innumerable centuries. This interesting riddle is still quite a challenge to modern science in the twentieth century.