UPDATED: Lawyers, Guns and Money
Tue Jan 01, 2008 at 06:49:36 PM PDT
We interrupt your regularly scheduled campaign coverage with this news bulletin:
It looks like 2008 is getting off to a rocky start for Republicans. The champagne is barely flat and already the frontpagers at RedState are cutting their wrists over the crappy field of candidates they have to pick from, the press is fawning over deluded Establishment Old Guard Relics hoping to revive the Bull Moose Party, and American diplomats are being gunned down in countries where Bush's cronies are making a killing.
I can't imagine the hysteria over at the networks as they rush around desperately searching for their next Blonde Distraction. I certainly don't think we should let them off easy. I say let's steal their thunder and force them to focus on the issues because we know they aren't going to cover a story after it gets broadcast on a prominent liberal blog:
An Arizona law student and beauty pageant queen-turned-calendar girl has been indicted in the alleged kidnapping and torture of her former boyfriend...
Think of it like Reservoir Dogs meets Miss Congeniality. I would love to hear the NRA's response to this....
Kumari Fulbright, 25, is accused, along with three other men, of tying up her 24-year-old ex-boyfriend with plastic cable and duct tape, and holding him captive for hours in two different Tucson homes, the Arizona Daily Star reported, citing indictment documents in Pima County Superior Court.
Before I get into this too deep, let me just decry the embarrassing lack of language skills over at ABC news. She is accused along with "three other men"? I guess the copy editors are out nursing hangovers. Anyway....
Fulbright, who participated in the Miss Arizona pageant as Miss Pima County in 2005, and Miss Desert Sun in 2006, also reportedly serves as a law clerk for U.S. District Judge Raner Collins. She is listed as a second-year writer on the editorial board of the Arizona Journal of International and Comparative Law at the University of Arizona.
Ok ... so she isn't technically a beauty queen... but she is a law clerk who routinely handles guns. I can't wait to hear what Raner Collins has to say about this. The guy is a Clinton appointee. So how long before this story gets used as a scare tactic to warn people about the kinds of judges Hillary will appoint if she wins? Any takers?
Fulbright was indicted by a Pima County Superior Court Dec. 18, on five felony charges, including armed robbery, aggravated robbery, kidnapping and two counts of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
Geez if that is only half true that is some serious time in Arizona. I don't even have to look up the sentencing guidelines to know that.
Prosecutors cite Fulbright in the documents. "[Fulbright] specifically bit him several times while he was bound, stuck a butcher knife in his ear ... said she was going to kill him, [and] pointed a pistol at him."
This is before Christmas too... not the best time of year to kidnap someone now is it?
The victim, according to the documents, was able to grab Fulbright's gun after more than eight hours; when the weapon accidentally discharged, he ran out of the house screaming for help.
Eight hours? Geez... he was probably wrestling the gun out of chatty Kathy's hands so he could shoot himself and get it over with.
Tom Hartzell, Fulbright's attorney, did not immediately respond to a message left by ABC News but suggested to the Arizona Daily Star that the ex-boyfriend's criminal history may compromise his credibility as a witness.
Apparently he is a bit of a brawler. So I guess her defense is going to be she was afraid for her life. That is why she hired thugs, tied him up, bit him, stabbed him, and went Abu Gharib on his ass. If only he would open up a bit and share his feelings a bit more, this whole misunderstanding could have been avoided.
Fulbright will appear in a 2008 calendar for Subguns.com that features women in bikinis brandishing firearms. Fulbright is Miss May, according to Jeff Hawley, a founder of Title2Media, the company that produced the calendar for Subguns. In her photograph, Fulbright is pictured carrying an HK 51.
Buy now, because you know these will be going for a premium on Ebay when she starts raising cash for her defense fund. Lest you think we are judging her prematurely, let me end with the obligatory "Gosh ..she seemed so nice" quote of the day:
"We were really shocked to see the story," Hawley told ABC News. "She was a very nice individual; she had modeled professionally."
Yeah, I look at that picture and say the same thing: Who'd a thunk it?
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UPDATE
Adhering to the strict standards of cable news fact checking (as directed by the Florida Courts), we now report that it has been reported elsewhere that:
when they searched her house, not only did they find a bunch of stuff she stole from her ex-boyfriend/victim, including his brief case and 500 bucks, but also a copy of the self help/motivational best seller, "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
Wow.
Of course now that school is back in session, we have to consider the day two story ... who is going to fill her slot on the ASU committee for Campus Child Care?
For answers to these and other irrelevant questions, stay tuned to Faux News. You can be sure the press corpse is going to be all over this story in the next few days. After all, it is certainly going to be easier for the corporate media to cover this than to research and report on serious policy issues that will impact the future of our nation.
My prediction: The continuing big story will be the "international manhunt" for her accomplices. That is an evergreen story complete with "reported sightings" and "new leads" whenever a distraction is called for. It even allows for spin-offs to whet the appetite of the anti-immigration crowd. Now that's infotainment!
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