This just in:
C&J News Service has just learned that President Bush, Senator Bill Frist, and Congressman Tom Delay have boarded Air Force One on the way to the Vatican to intercede on behalf of the Pope, whose health seems to be failing.
The exact role that the three men will play is not clear...When asked, President Bush replied, "If it takes an act of Congress to save the Pope, well, that's what we'll do." When reminded that the Vatican is an autonomous State, Bush snickered, "Come on, you're pullin' ma leg, right?"
Senator Frist commented that he'd seen numerous videos of the Pope, and was sure that he had a good 4-6 weeks left in him. Dr. Frist also believes that the Pope is suffering from a high cholesterol count. When reporters questioned Frist on his abilities to make diagnoses after only seeing a video, he answered, "I've got the power, man!"
Since Tom DeLay is not a physician, but in fact was an exterminator before becoming a Congressman, his role is even more suspect. "If there are any rats or roaches in the Pope's recovery room, I'm on the case!" an upbeat DeLay was heard to comment.
Several of the protesters who were camped outside of Terri Schiavo's hospice are also on their way to the Vatican. "Well, we've got the signs already made..." said one protester. "I may not be a Catholic," chimed in another, "but anywhere that there's a chance for religious sanctimony, I'll be there." Several jugglers, trumpet and banjo players, and tap dancers also plan to make the trip.