When Elephants Weep
Thu Jan 17, 2008 at 05:04:32 PM PDT
Note - this diary is not about Republicans or any GOP candidates.
The book When Elephants Weep, by Jefrey Mouissaieff Masson and Susan McCarthy, explores the question of whether animals have true emotions, as opposed to reacting only on instinct. Do they feel joy at the birth of their babies? Do they feel loss at the death or separation of a relative or other close animal?
Elephants are known to be communal-type creatures that guard and help raise each other’s babies. Herds visit the bones of elephants they knew who have long since died.
As is so often the case, elephants offer examples that are uncannily similar to human feelings. ...mother elephants who appear in perfect health but become lethargic for many days after a calf dies and trail behind the rest of the family.
When I was in grade school I had a cat that was not exactly the friendliest in the world. She didn’t really like being held, and would only "cuddle" if she decided it wasn’t beneath her dignity at that moment. Yet, one time when she gave birth, she actively sought me out to be with her. She actually wanted human comfort. And after all her kittens had been born, she purred like I’d never heard her purr before. Was this some feline motherly instinct or true joy?
The prejudice has long existed that only humans think and feel because only humans can communicate thoughts and feelings in words...
If we acknowledge that animals, particularly other mammals, do indeed have emotions, where does that put them on any "scale" with us?
The question arose yesterday in cskendrick's diary about witnessing the death of a puppy. Some people argued that the word "child" should not be used in the title because it was "just" a dog that had died, therefore the loss was not the same as the loss of a child. Some, including me, argued that for some people the loss of their animal is like losing a child.
I’ve known two women who each lost a college-aged child in freak accidents that might have been prevented. In each case the (adult) child was killed instantly. One of those mothers told me the only comfort she got was knowing her child did not suffer physical pain or torment of some kind (Eg. rape) in the moments before their death.
Do parents who lose children in tragic accidents (or worse, murdered) feel more loss than parents who lose children to natural causes, because accidents are harder to explain or "justify"?
Do parents of older children feel more loss than parents of young children, because they’ve spent more years with them?
Do birth parents feel more loss than adoptive parents at the death of a child?
Do mothers who give up a child for adoption feel the same kind of loss as a mother whose child physically dies?
Do mothers feel more loss than fathers, because they carried the child in gestation and are typically the ones who spend more time caring for the child?
Do nannies and other third party caregivers have a right to feel a loss similar to the parent if their long-time charge dies?
Does a poor mother in Darfur feel any less of a loss over their child from starvation than a wealthy mother does over the death of their child from an illegal drug overdose?
Do children who’ve emotionally lost a parent (Eg. through abandonment) feel any less of a loss than children who lose a parent physically?
Should anyone be able to "rate" or "rank" the bereavement felt by different people? Can or should such pain be valued or measured?
Eleven years ago I "chose" to murder euthanize my child cat. He was about 17 years old, suffering only from ailments common to older cats, but which were complicated by diabetes. He came to the point where he needed someone to watch him 18+ hours a day. Being single and self-supporting, I was not able to do that at the time. I had to make the agonizing decision to ease his pain by killing him. A year later I had to make a similar agonizing decision about taking the life of my other cat (the mother of the other one), although in that case the medical facts were clearer as to which was the right path.
No, I will never personally know the horrendous pain of losing my own child, because thus far I haven't been fortunate to bear or adopt any. All I know is the tremendous pain and guilt of having the ability to "play god" by choosing to take the life of a living being that I’d nurtured and loved, and that loved me in return (despite my faults), for years. The only thing I can compare that to is the deaths of distant relatives and friends, and I have to say that the loss of my cats impacted me more overall.
But how does my pain over the death of my cats, the only children I’ve ever known, diminish someone else's pain over the loss of a human child, any more than the marriage between people of the same sex threatens the marriage between people of opposite sexes? What gives someone the right to judge my pain, to dismiss or belittle it based on their experiences and standards? Isn't this the sort of argument we face with abortion issues - by whose standard (medical, religious, other) do we determine whether abortion is "murder"?
If anything, I would argue that my pain is greater, since I have to live with the guilt of deciding to deliberately end the life of my cats. No doubt, people make critical decisions all the time about the medical care and other matters of their family that might result in a person's untimely death, but is that the same thing as making that final decision to purposely end a life? I think not.
Some will probably claim that the only reason I was able to choose to end my cat's life is because it was "just" an animal. Would I have made a similar decision if the life involved were that of an ailing parent or sibling? I honestly don't know. On a theoretical basis I do believe in euthanasia. But if I found myself in such circumstances, I don't know how I would actually react.
Please don't deny me my grief. If you want to mock my grief, or claim I'm being too sensitive over the loss of a pet, perhaps you'd be more comfortable with less-than-compassionate conservatives like Mitt (strap the dog to the top of the car) Romney.
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