When I was growing up, I remember being told about how important an education was. I remember being told that, if you just finished high school, if you just worked hard, if you just got good enough grades, everything would be alright. Someday you could own a house and start a family and, when the time came, you could retire in, if not luxury, then at least comfort.
I, though, had two parents who were university professors, so it was off to college for me. That was supposed to make things even better. I went to a small, private, liberal arts school and earned my B.A. Surely having a house and a car and a family wouldn't be too far off. Or, even if I put all those things off, surely they'd be waiting for me, right? Of course, by the time college was over, the mantra was no longer "Finish High School" but "Go To College". Still, I had a degree and was no worse off in the great game of life. Plus, since I enjoyed school and loved what I had studied, I was better off, even if that didn't translate into money.
And I really did love school. After a couple of years of working, I moved to Chicago to pursue a Master's. Sure, it took some student loans and some kind of lousy jobs to pay for it, and I now have plenty of debt, but I enjoyed it, and that's what counts. So now I have another degree, and my wife has her master's. Plus, the mantra hasn't changed again, and there are no cries of "Get A Master's Degree In Order To Succeed!". Surely, surely, our good jobs and our house and our far off but comfortable retirements would now be waiting! Surely, surely we would have leisure time and take vacations and own a television that's less than a decade old! Surely, surely, we would have that comfortable middle-class life that we had read about all those years ago in high school!
Not so much.
In a couple of short weeks, my wife and I will pack up and move from our home in Chicago, where we both have been working for a couple of years in jobs tangentially related to our fields of study. My wife got a job in her field, which will, if we try very, very hard and give up some parts of the lifestyle to which we've grown accustomed - like internet and cell phones and cable - barely support us. I am being graciously allowed to keep my current job for a few months, but only, I suspect, because I cannot be easily replaced right at the moment. And so, in a few months, we will not be among the uninsured or the homeless... we will just be two people who pursued that education - that golden ticket to a better future - struggling to get by.
Now, I know I'm not as bad off as others. I didn't shoot myself over my mortgage. I'm not staring down a nasty infection with no health insurance on my side. I'm not... being asked to give up a small slice of my golden parachute in order to facilitate a massive tax-payer funded scheme to stabilize the market. (I'm not sure that last one counts).
Still, I've reached that point of worry, especially given the current economic crisis, caused by years of mismanagement and foolish deregulation. Rent is covered, but will we be able to buy a car? What if my wife's job doesn't work out? Will I be able to find work, and, if not, will we be able to do things like, I dunno... eat? I imagine these thoughts, or similar ones, are running through a lot of people's heads. No, I don't imagine... I know.
Of course, it's not all about me, but this is where I am right now. Those promises of a fine future, where education and hard work would make living easy, or at least possible, seem like the idle thoughts of a long summer's day, daydreams and heady visions. The facts of life in these dawning years of the twenty-first century are coming home.
I want Obama to win, of course, but somehow that doesn't seem like enough right now.
I want my future back.