While some of us are already taking victory laps, the Republicans are fighting furiously for the dollars they need to turn this campaign around. You find that hard to believe? Today in my mailbox landed a fundraising appeal from Barbie Doll. When I got over the shock and got out my calculator to add up the bits and pieces, Sarah was putting the arm on me for a cool $67,800. It ain’t over, as Yogi Berra once put it, until it’s over.
Yes, indeed, to make sure "Obama Democrats" don’t get "total control of our government" so they can "raise taxes, bring back the ‘era of big government,’ block domestic oil drilling and yada, yada, yada," Sarah and McCain-Palin Victory 2008 have set out to raise $2 million a day between now and election day to put them over the top.
You thought the McCain campaign was fueled with taxpayer dollars? I understand there’s a bridge on the market in Brooklyn you might want to consider. Follow me over the break for the details.
John McCain makes a big deal out of his commitment to campaign finance reform. Sometimes he implies that his dedication to reforming the corrupt ways in which we pay for politics in this country is a sort of penance for his disgrace around the Keating Five.
But the holes in his version of campaign finance reform are big enough to drive a jumbo jet through. Here he is sucking at the public tit to finance this sorry election of his, while his running mate is sending out fervent appeals for private donations.
God know how they got my address, but the language is a desperate appeal to the right wing. It doesn't say a damned word about what they propose to do for the country, but tries its hardest to pretend that "Obama Democrats" will wreck it (although what capacity we have to do any damage beyond what the current wrecking crew has done is beyond me).
The Obama Democrats are coming at us with everything they’ve got — fair or unfair, true or false — because they have one goal this election — to gain total control of Washington — anything else is for them a failure.
WOW! We used to have it and now those Obama Democrats want it. Why would they want total control?
Because unless they have total control of our government, they won’t be able to raise taxes, bring back the "era of big government," block domestic oil drilling, shift control of the Supreme Court to the left and finally turn our national health care system over to Washington bureaucrats.
Bureaucrats. Damn. Where do I sign up? Not so fast, blaneyboy, you need to understand the urgency of this.
The Obama-Democrats [hyphenated this time for some reason] are marshalling all of their resources to throw at us in one last ditch effort to achieve their goal of complete control of the federal government...Simply put, our McCain-Palin Victory 2008 effort needs your emergency support — and we need it right now.
We must raise over $2 million per day between now and Election Day in order to keep pace with the Obama-Democrats.
And this is what quite took my breath away. Because when I get a fund raising letter from a Democrat it normally pleads with me for increments of $10 or $25. None of that groveling when appealing to a Master of the Universe like blaneyboy. No sir, they start out with the big bucks:
So please rush back your Emergency Pledge of $5,000, $2,500, $1,000, $500, $100, of $50 to McCain-Palin Victory 2008 in the postage-paid envelope I’ve enclosed with my letter today.
I'll have to loot the kids' piggy banks, but wait, there’s more. This is better than the ads for the roto-rooting, grout-removing all-purpose tools you find on late night television (remember this product is not available in any story and you must act now). If you act now, in addition to coughing up for McCain-Palin Victory 2008, you can also pony up an additional $2,300 to help offset McCain Palin’s 2008 campaign legal and accounting costs.
Isn’t that wonderful. Particularly since Sarah reminded me:
Let me remind you of something we made clear at our Republican Convention. Republicans are not going to Washington to serve our own self interest (Riiiiigggghhhht!) — we are going to serve the citizen of this country. The American people want their elected officials to go to Washington for the right reasons — to challenge the status quo, serve the common good and to leave this great nation of ours better than we found it (honest, I’m not making that up).
Now here’s where the fine print needs to be examined. What is this McCain-Palin Victory 2008? Well, it is:
A joint fundraising committee by and composed of the Republican National Committee, the Michigan Republican Party, the Missouri Republican State Committee, the Ohio Republican Party State Central Committee and Executive Committee, the Republican Federal Committee of Pennsylvania, and McCain-Palin Compliance Fund.
Imagine that. A family affair of the RNC, this compliance fund, and the state committees of four battleground states.
But Sarah herself is practically begging for relief so doubtless they will do wonderful things with this money? Yes they will. Because the fine print gets even more interesting. I thought Sarah was offering to roll over for $5,000. No sir. It turns out that $67,800 is what she really wants to turn the trick.
Here’s how the money will be used:
Unless a contribution would exceed federal limits (nice touch there, I thought) or a contributor designates otherwise, Victory 2008 will divide contributions as follows:
* For Individuals — The first $28,500 will go to the RNC, the next portion will be divided evenly between the Michigan, Missouri, Ohio, and Pennsylvania state parties’ federal accounts up to a maximum of $9,250 for each Committee, and the final $2,300 will go to the Compliance Fund.
So, if you max out, that’s $67,800 – and if you convince your spouse or partner to provide another individual contribution, you could easily get $135,600 out of a single home. Hell, add in a couple of adult children and you could double that again – let’s just say a cool quarter of a million from one house, all for the cost of a "presorted standard" stamp.
Now we can understand why the phrase "middle class" almost never crosses a Republican lip.
What else? Well, the state committees stand to be screwed. They don’t get anything until the RNC has creamed off the first $28,500.
And, oh yes, those legal and accounting services designed to "ensure compliance with federal law and not campaign activities"? What horseshit:
Compliance funds may be used to pay for:
* Broadcast advertising (up to 5 percent)
* National and State office ‘overhead’ expenses (payroll, utilities, etc.);
* Computer/website equipment and maintenance;
* Voting recounts; and
* Other federal election law legal and accounting activities.
In short they can be used for just about anything required to set up and run a campaign.
In my memory of American politics, going back to the Eisenhower years, I don’t recall a more contemptible administration than the gang of thugs and looters that is now occupying the Oval Office. The McCain-Palin ticket is the direct descendant of Bush-Cheney, greased over with exactly the same slimy veneer of false piety, appeals to America's worst instincts, and a debased sense of what it means to be an American and a patriot.
We need to drive these people out of public life and back into their holes — and the best place to start is by making sure Obama and Biden (and Democratic governors and legislative candidates) get our little dribs and drabs of $5, $10, $25 and $100 contributions — because there are far more of us than there are of them and it’s time we got sick and tired off this and refused to put up with it any more.